But this isn't really about me - contrary to what the banner on the site says. :P
Anyway, I was talking with Matt* and we got to talking about how much effort & energy goes into dating - something I'm NOT missing at the moment. :p Seriously, the first 5% of a relationship is absolutely draining on an effort front! I? Got NO sympathy points for being a girl from him; he actually said it's much harder to be a single guy in the dating world... esp. when you're over 30. REALLY???? WHY?!?!?!?!?
His answer was simple: Women never stopped looking for Prince Charming. (3)
"No really," he says, "There's a lot of pressure on guys to be this 'white knight' that sweeps you women off their feet and is practically perfect."
"Like Mary Poppins?" I counter, giggling.
"No, like Prince Charming." Let me share his perception of women's criteria & then I'll respond:
- To be 'Prince Charming,' you must be 'cut.' When I prodded on this? It meant definable abs, less than 18% body fat, and muscles that Popeye could be proud of.
- Can't have facial hair unless it's a super short goatee - women won't kiss you.
- Must be fashionably dressed.
- Must be funny, witty, and charming.
- Must be able to afford expensive dates to show we're financially well off.
- Must be able to watch, and discuss, popular chick flicks, romcoms, & tv shows. Which means we needed to be watching them before we go out with you women.
- Must be full of faith & compassion for small animals, children & charities.
- Must be able to prove financial fitness by discussing investments & charitable donations.
- Must have nice car.
- Must not be overly interested in sports.
- Must be able to cook gourmet meals to show self-sufficiency & renaissance ability.
- Must like gardening & enjoy flowers.
- Probably needs to show time spent volunteering or helping elderly parents.
- Must be able to dance, preferably play some musical instrument, and enjoy fine art.
- Be able to discuss fine wines and not drink cheap beer.
- Be up on current events & reading books on life improvement.
Call me crazy, but a lot of those seem to have a redundant theme of 'must be financially fit.' Ok, so those were the criteria he listed. Here's my response: If that guy exists and is into women? Please send him my way. LOL
Seriously, does it sound to you that he's describing a CHICK? Because that's totally what I got out of it. And, as I told him last night? I don't want to date a chick - I hang out with my girl friends when I need a dose of estrogen. Now, some of the stuff he rattled off hold true for both MEN & WOMEN; but a lot of it sounds like... well, off to me. Hitting on all of these creates a blog post that is hella long & then some... so, I'm picking a few to touch on:
- # 1 -Although it's totally fun when you get picked up and carried around by a guy? It's kind of uncomfortable to snuggle with a rock. A little smooshiness is a good thing, in my book. Just be healthy.
- # 2 - Wrong. I love facial hair - I do NOT like Santa beards or crazy sideburns & I think that's more what women tend to want to shy away from. A little scratchy goatee or mustache? Tre' fun!
- # 3 - Yes. I don't want to date the Dad from the Cosby show. But, FYI? Ed Hardy & ESP. Affliction shirts? Are not 'Prince Charming' material. In fact? They kind of scream that you are either a completely oblivious middle-aged man or have some sort of serious Narcissistic complex that you think you are suuuper cool with your deep phrase cross shirts. They're douchey. (4) And sweater vests? Are for my Dad & he's even too fashion forward to wear them. You should be, too. Converse? Are cool but shouldn't be all you own.
- #5 - BS! If this is true? You're dating the wrong girl. My favorite date of ALL TIME was actually going to look at Christmas lights, bowl/shoot pool, and then played a VERY bad game of darts. Pretty sure this whole experience was around $40 or less. It's about who you are with & the quality of time you have together - not the price tag for the meal. I'm personally uncomfortable in expensive restaurants because I see it as a ginormous waste of money. But, if you're taking all your dates to Mickey-D's? Yeah, might want to turn up your game just a tad!
- #6 - No. Dear God Please No. Yes, I'd like to know that a guy WOULD watch one with me; but I'd rather he watch his own shows that he's interested in. I would find a guy's mental processes beyond retarded if I found out that he was watching chick shows just to get a leg up. Pretty sure Prince Charming? Doesn't do that.
- #8 - NO. I don't want to hear about your Roth IRA, your credit card debt or lack thereof, or how much your mortgage is. THIS IS NOT ANY OF MY BUSINESS. I can kinda figure out if you can afford your lifestyle over time by just paying attention. Your finances? Not something I care to know about.
- #9 - Ok, this one is tough for me. I think it's appropriate for you to not be driving around in a 1980s Mazda 323 if you're striving to be Prince Charming, for sure. That is a massive indicator that your finances are probably screwed up & you might have problems affording your lifestyle. But, I'm actually a little more concerned with the guy that is driving the pimptastic sports car that costs him WAY too much because it "defines him." If your car 'defines you? It's kind of saying you're a tool, fyi. Cars are a bad investment; so I've traditionally been taken by the guy that's got his paid off or has a decent, sane thought process for why they picked whatever it is they drive.
- #11 -Nope. It's kind of cool if I don't have to teach a guy to cook; but it's equally fun to cook together & I think it's kind of endearing when a guy can only cook kraft mac 'n' cheese & salad. :p You DO get brownie points if you can cook, though.. so.. yeah.
- #13 -Eeeeh... no. Now, don't get me wrong - it's SERIOUSLY impressive, cool, and worth a billion brownie points if you're passionate about helping others & do it for that reason. And the guy who doesn't have a good relationship with his family? Yes, it raises questions but there can be legit reasons for it. But again, if you're not GENUINE? You're a Dbag; not Prince Charming.
- #15- Yup. Not going to lie; a guy who knows his wine gets further up on the P.C. scale with the ladies - but enjoying a Miller Lite is not going to knock you off the white horse, I don't think.
- #16 - Former yes, Latter?? Eh, not so sure. Most men I've met aren't into reading anything outside of web pages & magazines. I really don't care; but that might just be me. You don't need a book to improve your life; but it's definitely a Prince Charming requirement that you DO try to improve yourself on a regular basis. Because really? If you're not moving forward in life? You're moving backward & that's not charming to anyone.
So, net net? I think Matt is a little off the mark & creating a lot of undue pressure on himself to be a version of Prince Charming that's really not necessary. BUT... maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all those things ARE what women want these days. If so? Ladies, are we setting our sights a mite high???
(1) While I do evidently have new readers in Canada, Denmark & Germany? (Hellooo, random!) This particular blog's readership has dwindled dramatically since I curtailed regular posting & pruned a lot of my submissions - So, I'm reaching MAYBE a whopping 100 readers a week or so at present. :p
(2) So not his name, but I'm trying to protect privacy when I can. :P
(3) Yeah, I don't know about that - I'm just super excited when their emotional maturity is past that of high school, they don't spend 40 hours a week on video games, they can pay their own bills/manage their lives, & don't confuse me with the 900-number girls that I'm praying they don't pay $3.99/minute to. I know, my standards are impossibly high. :p
(4) Is 'douchey' even a word??? If it isn't, it should be. And the picture by the definition should be the Affliction Shirt.