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Monday, January 17, 2011

I Said MISC, Not Milf!

I had a bunch of random stuff that I wanted to address, but I don't think any one concept is long enough to address in a blog... so, welcome to my miscellaneous blog!

First thing I want to hit on is the term MILF. I was actually 'hit on' with this term earlier this week. Maybe I'm a little misguided, but this does not seem like a compliment to me. In fact, I can't help but have a little bit of an 'ewww' factor when I hear that term; most especially when it's slung my direction. Why? Because I -AM- a Mom. Maybe it's just me, but it flirts with a pedophilic feeling when used by someone no longer in high school, talking about their buddies' Moms. The guy that used it with me? A surgeon. Who's 41 years old - definitely NOT still in high school. First time he said it, I tried gracefully avoiding it after shuddering a little inside. Second time he said it? I asked him why he thought that was complimentary (in true Crystal style) - his answer? "You know, because most Moms are frumpy - and you are definitely not frumpy."

Ha.haha.hahaha - I'm probably frumpier than my personna lets on; but, still - I don't think most Moms are frumpy, either. In fact, some of the out-and-out most 'out there' personalities I know belong to Moms. We're not just June Cleaver anymore; we're Executives, we're part of the X and Y generations - we love Shoes, great make-up, and good times. We WANT to enjoy all of our life; not just one facet of it. So, no, we really don't look all that frumpy (not that I mind the pearls look, either); but I still don't want to sleep with someone that's looking at me though the 'Mom filter' unless it happens to be the Father of my children. And since we divorced 5 years ago, that ship has sailed and sank, too!

Picking up from the text messaging blog a few back; I really DON'T like texting. I have learned this about myself - I mean, I knew it wasn't one of my favorite things - but, I have learned that I will not, am not, going to be put in a position where it's my primary vehicle for communication with anyone. Especially not a guy. It's a lame-duck way of having a conversation. Besides, there's something very intruiging about a man that can captivate my attention with a well-worded, well thought-out conversation. So, that might become something that gets thrown on my 'warning flare' lists for guys that I am talking to or dating. Texts? Are fun, flirty and absolutely ok when you can't talk on the phone. Or need directions, or to inform someone you're running late. Outside of that, I don't think they have any place with me.

So, I think maybe playing darts might become one of my typical 'get-to-know-a-guy' routine. I mean, it's fun to do with friends, too - but there are definitely things that you can reveal about a guy when you're playing darts. Especially when you're a bad dart thrower like I am. :) I've done this with a couple of guys now and really, it's interesting to see the differences in behavior. With one guy, he was very gentlemanly picking up the darts that landed on the floor (and above the dartboard, and in the chalkboard, etc). The other? Laughed as I went and got them. Not a big deal (had you seen my throws, you'd have laughed, too), and certainly not something I'd stop seeing anyone over; but the guy that went and got them for me definitely got bonus points. One guy was competitive with me, while the other might have taken a little pitty on me and helped me position and aim. Can you say yummy close-up moment?? My throw still blew, but his cologne smelled fantastic! LOL

Anyway, I think it's a good activity that can reveal gentlemanly behaviors and can allow for some easy comparisons. But, here's the thing: does it set up a wierd sense of deja vu (or something like that) if you do? I mean, you want to be fully present in whatever activity you're engaging in, including dating. So, if you're doing the same thing (or perhaps worse yet, at the same place) with one persona as you did with another... can you really BE fully present?

That's enough for now - I'm working on something else that I might put up later; but, for now, it's Saturday Morning baby! I'm off to workout, get my nails done, hair cut - good times! Must look cute tonight. ;) Oh, should be testing out a set of golf clubs today, too - driving ranges everywhere, beware!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sunday Morning, Rain is Falling...

Great song. And Bonus! Actually applicable to the day. Had a really easy morning with some quiet time for myself; something I don't have a lot of lately and should probably schedule more of. Made myself a mammoth "nice to do" list of 17 items and knocked out 14 of them, no sweat. :) Relaxed and accomplished? I can deal w/ that.

One of the things on my 'to-do' list was to make my meal schedule for the week. I can't tell you how much I enjoy this silly, simple activity. Love, Love, LOVE cooking! During the winter, I really like to lean on my slow-cooker but I hadn't been able to find it. I have a theory that Bev (1) probably snagged my slow cooker when she finally left and I'm just now realizing it because I'm over the "make a 3-course meal every time we eat" phase. Not sure, though - but fortunately, Chris let me borrow his slow-cooker so I'm back in business until I either locate mine or break down and buy a new one.

Slow cooking? Rocks. Throw it all in during the AM hours, set it to low and move on with life. I've got some great recipes that I love making in the slow-cooker; so, I'm sharing them with you as I go along each week via FB. :) The chili one from last week?? TOTALLY gotta try; it's yuuuuuumy!

Switched rooms with Lindsey this past week... that? Has been an adventure and is absolutely going to be it's own blog sometime this week. :P Ok, back to work - have to search for candidates. Finally getting into the swing of my new job; I'm really enjoying it!

(1) a friend that was "staying" with me (read: leeching off me for most of the time) and prima-donnaville way too quick for way too long with a penchant for making it sound like she was doing ME a favor while costing me significant $ and damaging things as she left. I never would have done well with roommates, but at least they pay an equitable share of the cost!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

It's A New Year and It's. On. You.

Happy New Year, folks!! We're at the dawn of a new decade and it seems to me like there's no better time than RIGHT NOW to spend time on one of my favorite topics to muse (read: rant) about: personal accountability. I spend a fair amount of time talking with people both personally and professionally on this subject. But, for some reason? I've yet to blog on it. Correcting that now. ;)

My former boss and CEO of Kaye/Bassman, Jeff Kaye, said something to me years ago during my interview that's stuck with me: "We either believe we are the uncontested author of our destiny and we act on it... or, through our inaction we show we don't." (1) I've applied this in many different areas & ways in my life over the years -but what I mainly took from it is that I have a much larger 'control' over my life than what I often want to give myself credit for. And so do you. If something's off in my life, be it personal or professional, I'm really the first person I should be looking to for change.

As a recruiter, one of the occupational hazards I have is hearing people just whine about how awful their jobs are; usually for one of the following reasons:

1. Workload is Off-Whack
2. No discernable career path (lack of promotions)
3. No Work-Life Balance
4. Poor Treatment from Boss or Co-Workers
5. Not enough Money

There's always a good story that goes with it; and a 'good reason' for the discontent. But you know what I never hear? Anything that's been done to try to change it. Every once in awhile, someone will tell me about how they've vented to their boss or told off a coworker... but, nothing really beyond that. And then they'll go off and get a different job; and in a couple of years? They are back in the same spot... discontented. The only thing that changed was where their paycheck came from. And they're befuddled... I'm not. They're not taking any accountability for their part in creating their environment.

The first thing any of us should do when discontent with a situation in our lives is to gamefilm it and see how we got to where we are. What hand did we play in our current situation? 8 times out of 10? It's big. We'll take on too much in an effort to please; and then resent our bosses/companies for not being clairvoyant & seeing we've lost our personal lives. When what we should be doing is setting healthy boundaries regarding our workloads/hours, communicating those boundaries respectfully (2) and reasonably sticking to them. Your boss? Has a personal life, too - he/she gets it... but, is tasked with getting more done than they often have the resources for and so will lay it on as much as we'll let them.

Same thing goes for our personal relationships - if you're not being treated well? You get a free pass on that once.. maybe twice. After that? You've got to accept accountability to the situation because you ALLOW(ed) yourself to be treated that way by staying in the situation or not demanding change. If your partner is inconsiderate, don't just tell them "you're selfish" - that won't fix anything. And just treating them the way you want to be treated? Likely won't work either; a by-product of self-absorption is that they don't see what you're doing. Help them - it helps you, too! Create a gameplan for change by setting expectations and even scheduling events that cause them to focus on you. Yes, it takes the spontenaity out of it at first; but you're helping establish a habit and redrawing the circumstances you're in. After a couple of months? Your partner will either pick up on it on their own or you might find it's time to find a new partner. But, either way, you took accountability for the fact that you probably knew they were this way, to some degree, at the onset (3) and so had some hand in your relationship environment.

It's easier, and initially feels better, to think we're not responsible for our lots in life. That things 'just happen' the way they do - but, it's delusional thinking. We really have a lot of influence in our relationships & environments... and the fact that we can do things to 'author' the book of life that we want? Seems like something to be grateful for in this new year!

(1) Ok, this might be paraphrased - but it WAS 2004 when we had this conversation
(2) RESPECTFULLY is the key word here; you get no points if you yell at your boss about how he/she is sucking out your soul for the company store. It'll be a funny story to tell at the bar; but will likely land you in the unemployment line.
(3) There are always signs