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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Piglet, Pooh, & Relationships: Things I wish I Knew Earlier #TR30Days

Love my new website; HATE the stats tracker on Wordpress.  Seriously, hate it.  Miss being able to see the info by operating system, countries visited, etc.  So, I'm still going to write everything over there; but maybe I'll put a teaser & redirect traffic from here to there. :p  Gonna give it a shot, anyway; according to my stats here, folks are still reading (and some RANDOM old stuff, too! :p ):



Tonight on Twitter, they had a discussion – a chat – on one of the Twitter channels, #GenYChat.  I went, expecting it to be on business; but, it was actually on marriage/significant romantic relationships.  So not my area of expertise; as the closest thing I have to a romantic relationship is my love affair with coffee.  And since it’s a one-sided love (1) as I’m pretty sure the coffee doesn’t miss me the way I miss it when I don’t have it?? Not sure that really counts. ;)   But, despite my experiential disadvantage in the subject matter; I tried to stick it out.  Made it about halfway through & then they started talking about cheating, and “must-haves/must-not haves” criteria lists for partners, are we naturally monogomous … very subjective and personal questions.  Stuff I’m not going to be learning from; but rather turning purple sharing my opinions/history on those subjects with strangers on twitter.   Which, when I think about it is kind of funny; as I share a lot of my life on here & goodness knows who ends up reading it! (see the rest on Wordpress by clicking the title above.. :)  )

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Moving On Up!


Oh MY this made me giggle!!
So, I'm abandoning my blogger site; and movin' on up to Wordpress. 
So go there, to my new site, to check out the fun:  WWW.THEONECRYSTAL.COM 
I'm gonna miss Blogger's analytics, though; I think they're better. 

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Trouble



Love this song.  Have for years.. I think there's a blog in here around January of 2009 of me messing around singing it (sorta) while I was a 'one-eyed purple people eater..."  (1)  Anyway, cool song, Love ColdPlay so, so much.  Was listening to it today on the way home because, well... I felt troubled and so it just seemed to fit.  This might not be the most smooth blog post I've ever done; but it's what's on my mind. 


Recently, I read The Help as my "Fun" book.  You know, the one you don't really need to engage your brain in to enjoy?  That you're not reading to better yourself in business or personally; it's just to relax. Well, that was my intent w/ this book; but it ended up having an unintended, yet profound, effect on the way I view a few things.. not the least of which is my perspective on the perspective of others. (2)  
It's a great book; and I'd highly recommend it as it relays life, Pre-Civil Rights movement, in Jackson, Mississipi from the perspective of "The Help."  One of the characters in the book ends up writing a book on it and it turns the town on it's ear.  Those written about were humiliated; some probably rightfully so... but I'd doubt that they'd agree with that sentiment.


Not gonna lie, it got to me a little bit.  See, a lot of what I write relates to MY LIFE.  I'm okay with that; and I'm constantly reading things that say "Write like you talk & write what you know."  (3)  What am I going to know better than that?? The trick is this:  I don't live in a bubble.  So, what I write about is interaction w/ others on topics that are likely going to be of interest to people.  The reality is that we spend the majority of our time working or dealing with relationships of various shapes & sizes.   I read on "summify" something that sums up the content choices I make nicely:  "Don't try to sell broccoli ice-cream; even if that's your favorite... "  As much as I'd love to think the world shares my shoe obsession or wants to hear never-ending stories about my obsession with the perfect souffle?  I know they don't.  And that's okay - I don't want to write about those things any more than you likely want to read them.

But... in writing about my life and including those that interact with me in it? Can come with a price. I've had some make comments about how they "Don't want to end up in my blog" - and I don't blame them. Typically, I tell people that if they don't do anything massively idiotic; they probably won't... unless I'm talking about past relationships.. and they don't really get a say, since they're not named. But, I hadn't really put much thought into how it makes them feel reading it. The truth is, like the song says... I never [meant] to cause trouble... and I don't want to potentially hurt someone for the sake of a laugh, page view, or follower. I'm completely comfortable with the posts where relationships/work/culture are fused together... but, the dating posts? As much as I love writing them (and they are fun to write); I'm finding that more difficult to do now that I'm trying to look at it from the way the subject would feel reading it. 


At first, I thought I'd just remove the 'personal experiences' out of the blog all together unless it was related to the workplace or parenting. But, in talking with a friend tonight; he helped me see why that wouldn't work.. and why sometimes, people are uncomfortable because they don't like seeing others perspectives of them (4).. but, it doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. He's right. Growth doesn't come out of comfortable or safe... neither for them, nor for myself.

What does this mean?? I'm not exactly sure yet. It probably means until I figure it out; there's not going to be a lot of dating posts... or least not ones about my dates. Might start doing some perspectives on third-person experiences; I really am not sure yet. Whatever I write, it'll still have my 'voice;' that much you can count on.  But, you know as soon as I figure it all out? You'll be the first to know. :)


(1) And Here.It.Is!  It was reason #432 why I'm never going to be in broadcasting & reasons #1-1000 why adult beverages, singing & a webcam don't mix AT ALL.  Thank goodness I'm so much older & wiser now.. :p The post right below it explains WHY I had the scary eye going.... WARNING:  IT's painful. And off-key!
(2) there's a mouthful.
(3) Yet another example & a good "How-To" for those wanting to start a blog:  http://www.copyblogger.com/writing-voice/
(4) "others" in this case would be MY perspective

Week 2 is Through.. #TR30Days Update


And really?? This one went better.  Now, I worked some CRAZY hours last week; but, that's okay... just can't do it EVERY week.  Balance.  Life is all about the balance.  I had a pretty busy weekend, too; but got to see Amanda & Jasmin... so the little mini-PRSCamp reunion was fun. Anyway, running late so here's the update!


MIND:
  • Cut the cord to the cell phone in the car- specifically, while I'm driving.  While I wasn't on the phone when I got into a minor car accident last week? It really woke me up to the fact that distracted driving probably should have been a factor and it's blind luck that it wasn't.  It was #wakeupcall & I'm taking it.  Whatever's going on?  WILL keep until I put it in park.  Update - Did MUCH better this week.  Only really had one slip-up.  I've started keeping my phone in a little compartment by my steering wheel; this helps.

  • Business Development - I will add 4 new clients from 7/29 to 8/29 :)  I've got a pretty solid business development plan built out and will be executing it.  Tying it to the "NOW" thing? I'm committing to having my daily work put INTO my CRM system at the end of EACH day - I'll admit I can have a tendency to want to neglect the "Administrivia" (3) but it's important, too.  Giving myself the "Three Pass Rule" (4) - I'll commit to giving up my #Wine Wednesday if I hit a 4th infraction where I focus on database development instead.  A 5th infraction will have me giving up a date night - so there will BE no 5th infraction, for sure!!! :)  Update:  So, did get a couple of new clients; which is cool.  Now? I have a crazy ton of data to put in - we were changing systems so I was told to wait till this week to start entering data.  Well, now here we go!

  • Read One Book a Week & One Parenting & Fun Book Over the Challenge - Three a week is way too much for me to realistically keep up with this time, but 1 book a week?  Is a 2 hour time commitment - I can hang with that AND commit to a blog on it to boot!  Also want to read a "just for fun" and a specific parenting book relating to 'girl cliques' before the school year starts back up!  Finished the No Asshole Rule Book - I really DO like it and highly recommend you read it if you are part of team development, leadership, or HR/Culture.   I'm working on 3 books right now:  "Teen as a Second Language," "Outliers," and "The Average American Male."  Can I just say that while I'm enjoying the humor in the last book? It is CRUDE - I'm hoping most men truly don't think that way!

  • Blogging - Can I do three a week?  I think I can. :) I'm also going to make a decision on splitting my blog into 2 by the end of this 30-day or keeping it whole, as is.  Update:  Here's where I'm having a little bit of trouble.  I'm blogging about this in a separate blog post; so, I won't really spoil that... but, after reading "The Help" & watching the movie w/ my friends?  My perspective on... well, perspectives... has shifted a bit & it's affecting what I blog about. As such, I really only got out 2 blogs last week. 
BODY:
  • THREE - Three days a week I WILL - do yoga, do strength training, and do swimming.
  • TWO - Two days a week I WILL - play tennis & do spin - or spinnish thing Jen taught me (so gonna kill me).
  • ONE - EVERY day I will do my 10k - even if it has to be broken into 2 5ks.
  • I will drink 2 liters of water a day.

Update:  So, still having trouble getting the 10ks in every day; I've got to stop breaking it up because then I have an issue w/ getting in the other 5k.  Just gonna power through it; my time was better then, too!

SPIRIT:
  • Daily Gratitude WITH my Girls - I really enjoyed this last time & it had such a huge impact on my overall outlook in life.  I want to include the girls into this 30 Days so they can enjoy the benefits of a grateful heart/outlook as well; AND so I can gain further parental insights into a different aspect of their personality. ) - Update:  I did keep up w/ my gratitude exercises this past week - this was a bad month to integrate the girls into this challenge, though - I've not had them a whole lot since they've been wrapping up their summer, visiting friends, Grandparents & their Father. Even still, we're doing it this week - so, you'll see it in next week's summary!

  • Bible Study w/ the Girls on Healthy Relationships & Sex:  Because if you wait to talk about it until you "HAVE TO?"  You've waited way too long.  We've chatted about it; but want to start doing a pulse check before we go back to school.  Want to do the study that Shannon Rowell recommended & really hit on what healthy "dating" in Middle School/High School looks like.  Update - They don't like this. Which probably means we should be doing it.  BUT, if they're not wanting to do it; then I'm not sure how much they're really retaining.  So, am considering more casual, less structured conversations to deliver this info. 

  • Charity Work -   REALLY am keen on @lovedrop and want to be more of a part of bringing awareness to that cause during this #TR30Days challenge.  Also will be participating at the Service/Volunteer weekend at Church as being more involved w/ The Branch has been on my 'to-do' list since May of LAST year.  *Oops!*  Was really appreciative of the volunteer weekend & chance to change the 'to-do' to an 'am-doing.' :)  Update:  "GO" was this past weekend and I loved it.  Got my first batch of shoes together for Shoes4OrphanedSouls & participated in LoveDrop & LOVEBOMB!  Feeling good about the progress I've made this past week.  








Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Breathing through my New..ish "Now Normal" #TR30Days




"Blog Excerpt:  New Normal

I showered with my eyes closed today.

It required a bit of discipline, but I was able to maneuver myself through my 15 minute suds fest without peeking once. As I clumsily felt around for my Victoria's Secret body wash, feeling like an idiot, I realized that it really wasn't that difficult to scrub-a-dub-dub without the advantage of vision. My senses became heightened. Little eyeballs popped up on each fingertip. I became aware of the sound of the pounding water that I normally tune out, almost as if I could hear each individual drop hitting the tub in a melodious succession. I thought to myself, "I could do this."

I am at peace.

It has taken almost a year, but I am completely at ease with my disease. I have finally reached the Acceptance stage in my grieving process and have learned to adapt mentally and physically. I don't run into things anymore; now I remember to look left and right and up and down before I move anywhere. I laugh at myself when I can't find my cell phone and then realize that it's right in front of me. I don't feel a surge of pain wash over me whenever I hear the word blind. I cheerfully mount the bus each day along with illegal immigrants and homeless men and say hello to them. I look forward to the day I am a mother, instead of dreading not knowing what my children will grow up to look like.

My faith is my medicine.

As life chips away at us, we learn how to evolve and how to expect a different normalcy than what we are accustomed to. What starts out as an inconvenience or a disability can morph into the norm, if we will let it.  I encourage you to yank yourself out of your comfort zone this week and strive to create a new normal, even if it's just for a day. " ~ Laura Lawson (1)

I shared that because I've been thinking a lot about MY 'new normal.'  For me, the 'difficult' in my life?  It's a transitional thing and I know it.  It helps; because frankly?  There are some things in my life that are just a little less than fun.  Gotta be done & I'm dealing with it; but it's easy to lose perspective & get grousy about it.  Add on the fact that I'm just really very busy w/ work trying to make some things happen at present; so, I'm working a LOT of hours, plus the kids' back-to-school stuff...  and the net result is I just feel behind.  My house needs some attention, my nails are full-on in desperate need of a mani/pedi , still haven't gone back-2-school shopping, my car needs inspected .. oh, and turned in to the shop for repairs & my tan needs to be redone.  Finding time to work out has been difficult between family, work, migraines, and writers' block.  :p  I realize there's someone I am really missing in my life; but I'm not quite sure what, if anything, I want to do about it yet.  I know I owe a guy a call back; but for various reasons it hasn't happened.  I want to hang out with Ms. Suzanne; but I forgot to set it up!

Here's the reality - I know that we make time for that which we deem to be a priority.  And this is not me complaining that I don't know how to prioritize; because I do.  The difference between the 'past' and my 'new normal' is that I've noticed that over the last few months?  I'm handling things differently.  I'm just not stressed.  It sounds like a lot; but I know it really isn't in the big picture.  I'm okay with the fact that the guy isn't getting called back at present & with whatever the net-result of that will be.  I recognize that everything will get done in time & it doesn't have to be immediate - even if I'd like it to be... doesn't hurt anything, really.  Don't have to know what to do about my 'missing person' - and shouldn't until I really have the time to properly reflect on an appropriate course of action.  I'm not stressed about the work & I've figured out how to not neglect the children in the process.(2)  Really? The only thing I'm concerned about is my workouts; because it's so tied into my health & my #TR30Days challenge.   I've sort-of accepted that the way I'm approaching things now? Is my reality, my new-ish 'now normal' & that is okay.
Because mostly?  My now normal is just jammed packed w/ gratitude.  I read Laura's blog post and I was grateful to her for sharing her struggles & growth with me; a stranger glimpsing in on her introspection.  For reminding me that my journey to maintain positive balance & personal improvement are opportunities for growth even when it is a struggle; to push outside of my comfort zones & be more.  In spite of.  Because of.  In addition to. And they're nothing so life-shaking or potentially permanent as what she's going through.  
So, here are my gratitude moments for the last few days - because that's a part of my 'now normal' that I want to continue to share: 
  1. Nate St. Pierre - we had a fantastic and really inspiring chat this evening that, while totally shooting my bedtime to the 'not going to happen' column; really renewed me.  Thanks, Nate - you're really very cool - I'm honored to have met/know you a bit and your philanthropy work is A-mazing. Keep it up.  
  2. My #TR30Days Tribe - I'm cheating a bit because they're on my gratitude list EVERY day; but you guys?  I'm not being over-dramatic in the slightest when I say that you've had a very real, profound impact on my life.  Ty, Amanda, Cheri, Jason, Joni, Belinda - special thank-yous to you! :) 
  3. #WineWednesday - because it feels SO good to unwind with a glass of wine & a good #TChat - even if it's just for a little bit. 
  4. Meghan Biro!  I seriously think she might be my #Talent Wonder-Twin!  A-Dore Her!  Really have loved our phone & twitter chats over the last week or so.
  5. Tangi - You know, it was my ex-boyfriend that really pushed (3) me to be open and not put her in any one box too quickly & I'm really grateful to him that I eventually listened - and probably always will be.  We have a lot in common, as it turns out, & I really enjoy the time we get to spend together on the phone/in person.  Looking forward to seeing her again in a few weeks!  It's still a little strange to 'find' you have family that I never knew growing up; but I'm cool w/ it.  So glad she reached out to us. 
  6. High Heels - they just do SUCH good things for your legs.  And they're pretty.  #justsayin
So, time to go to bed because I'm pretty sure it's gonna be difficult to wake up tomorrow AM.  I kinda have to have 4 hours of sleep to function.  This might affect my workout - shift when I do it/how long I do it for... but you know?  I can breathe & roll w/ that, too....  Later, Peeps. 

Just Breathe. 

(1) Check her blog in its entirety at:  http://lauralawson.blogspot.com/2010/05/new-normal.html
(2) though the monkey-bread I made at 2pm because I forgot to make the girls breakfast? Is for sure not winning me parenting of the year; nor is it on my diet.  But, it was yummy! :) 
(3) yes, pushed.  I don't like change when it comes to my family, believe it or not. 

Monday, August 8, 2011

Week One Report: My List .. Would a Mulligan be Cheating?? #TR30Days







Below you'll see a LOVELY list.  Truly, I'm pretty happy with the stuff I want to focus on during this 30-day challenge.  But boy, I don't feel like I made much progress AT ALL this past week.  Work was just insanely busy; and I got to meet my half-sister when she came in town this weekend, which was beyond wonderful.. but, distracting for the purposes of this project.  I concede, I'm a little disappointed.. to the point I considered saying "So, maybe I should shift to where I'm starting THIS week instead of on my birthday..."  But, you know, that'd be cheating.  If I'm dealing with the "NOW," then part of that needs to include 'real-time' course-corrections... and, more importantly?  This is supposed to be a "way of life" project; it wasn't intended to do while I put my life on pause!  I've got to  do a better job of integrating the unexpected with the planned when it comes to things outside of doing my job and caring for my girls.  And I know I can. ;)   So, the update stands.




MIND:
  • Cut the cord to the cell phone in the car- specifically, while I'm driving.  While I wasn't on the phone when I got into a minor car accident last week? It really woke me up to the fact that distracted driving probably should have been a factor and it's blind luck that it wasn't.  It was #wakeupcall & I'm taking it.  Whatever's going on?  WILL keep until I put it in park.  Update - Yeah, I did really well with this until Friday night and then it was pretty much #gameover all weekend.  Ridiculous.  So.. starting again this week. 

  • Business Development - I will add 4 new clients from 7/29 to 8/29 :)  I've got a pretty solid business development plan built out and will be executing it.  Tying it to the "NOW" thing? I'm committing to having my daily work put INTO my CRM system at the end of EACH day - I'll admit I can have a tendency to want to neglect the "Administrivia" (3) but it's important, too.  Giving myself the "Three Pass Rule" (4) - I'll commit to giving up my #Wine Wednesday if I hit a 4th infraction where I focus on database development instead.  A 5th infraction will have me giving up a date night - so there will BE no 5th infraction, for sure!!! :)  Update:  I guess I'm making decent headway with this; there's interest but until the ink is dry? Not done! So, I feel behind.   On a somewhat related note, I've been asked to speak at a couple of upcoming events.  I love doing this, so I'm looking forward to it.  More details on that as soon as it's firmed up; but one is on the topic of Talent Marketing -makes sense- and the other is geared for Job Seekers to help them Market themselves like a recruiter.  Fun!   Also, the fabulous @MeghanBiro & I got to take our fun to a different kind of line! Went from 'online' to the phone lines' and had a blast connecting on #Culture & #Tchat w/ her on another level. 

  • Read One Book a Week & One Parenting & Fun Book Over the Challenge - Three a week is way too much for me to realistically keep up with this time, but 1 book a week?  Is a 2 hour time commitment - I can hang with that AND commit to a blog on it to boot!  Also want to read a "just for fun" and a specific parenting book relating to 'girl cliques' before the school year starts back up!  I'm about halfway through the No Asshole Rule Book - I like it; but I've been WAY too swamped to do much about finishing it!  So, maybe I'll try to wrap that up when I'm spending some quality time on the exercise bike this week?? Still, unless I crank out a book this weekend?  I'm behind. 

  • Blogging - Can I do three a week?  I think I can. :) I'm also going to make a decision on splitting my blog into 2 by the end of this 30-day or keeping it whole, as is.  Update:  I did 2 blogs; but I really only liked one of them.  I had the worst case of writer's block this past week!  I'm hoping it goes away when I give up and just write about the family dynamic stuff - because I think (1) that will get my pen moving again.  We'll see. Still.. that's 1 short this week. 

BODY:
  • THREE - Three days a week I WILL - do yoga, do strength training, and do swimming.
  • TWO - Two days a week I WILL - play tennis & do spin - or spinnish thing Jen taught me (so gonna kill me).
  • ONE - EVERY day I will do my 10k - even if it has to be broken into 2 5ks.
  • I will drink 2 liters of water a day.
Update:  HAHAHAHAHA... Ok, so I did 12 miles last week.  Not.Even.Close. I DID do the spinnish thing; it DID basically kill me.  I took a few days off because I literally ripped my heels up over the #TNL conference/birthday weekend.  They bled (somewhat badly by Sunday, actually) and really hurt when I walked until Thursday.  BUT, I did drink my water so at least that's something.. of course, I'm pretty sure it's because Texas may literally be hotter than hell right now.  Not sure; it's gotta be close, though. 

SPIRIT:
  • Daily Gratitude WITH my Girls - I really enjoyed this last time & it had such a huge impact on my overall outlook in life.  I want to include the girls into this 30 Days so they can enjoy the benefits of a grateful heart/outlook as well; AND so I can gain further parental insights into a different aspect of their personality. ) - Update:  Didn't have them until this weekend; so, will start that today.  BUT, even still?  I didn't keep up with my gratitude exercises 2 days this week.  Was so focused on work that I was a total slacker. 

  • Bible Study w/ the Girls on Healthy Relationships & Sex:  Because if you wait to talk about it until you "HAVE TO?"  You've waited way too long.  We've chatted about it; but want to start doing a pulse check before we go back to school.  Want to do the study that Shannon Rowell recommended & really hit on what healthy "dating" in Middle School/High School looks like.  Update - I DID get the bible study I want to do with them and we're starting it tonight. Yay! :) 

  • Charity Work -   REALLY am keen on @lovedrop and want to be more of a part of bringing awareness to that cause during this #TR30Days challenge.  Also will be participating at the Service/Volunteer weekend at Church as being more involved w/ The Branch has been on my 'to-do' list since May of LAST year.  *Oops!*  Was really appreciative of the volunteer weekend & chance to change the 'to-do' to an 'am-doing.' :)  Update:  I AM registered for "GO" - the Service Weekend at my church; and I did get my "August Charity Vlog" out.. so, I'm tracking on this one.  Vlog is below...  I HATE the frame iMovie chose to land on to start, LOL  what's up with my mouth?????

(1) Read = Hope... otherwise, I have NO idea why I'm locked-up

Monday, August 1, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me; I'm Now 33... #TR30Days



Well, I did it:  I made it to my 33rd birthday.  Over the last week or so, I looked back at each of the blogs I have done over the last few years around my birthday just to see where I was then vs where I am now.  You'd hope there'd be progress, positive change as we grow, right??  Anyway, whether there was or not is likely subjective; but thought I'd share for anyone seriously bored or oddly interested :)

2005:  Just Over 27
2006:  Around 28 Years Old
2007:  29 On the 29th (1)
2008:  The Big 3-0 that wasn't so big
2009:  I skipped my 31 to focus on my Thing #1 (Linds); her birthday is 4 days before mine. You'll see why it's enough.  I was also dealing w/ the accident & subsequent surgical stuff. Too much going on.
2010:  32 - "Had Enough with the 'Have You Found Him Already' Question!"

Now that we know where I've been; where am I now???

Status:  Single
Dating:  Yeah, kinda (2); approaching it from an 'it's entertainment' perspective until I'm presented with an overwhelming reason to look at it any other way.
Occupation:  Staffing/Talent Marketing - Focused on Business Development, HR/RPO & Talent Marketing - LOVE what I do!
Hobbies:  Treadmill Time, Tennis, Social, Blogging/Writing, Time w/Friends, & Shoe Acquisition, Music (Piano & Singing)
Improvement:  #TR30Days, Working Towards a Half-Marathon in Sept, Working on SPHR Certification
Causes:  LoveDrop, Shoes for Orphan Souls, Attitudes & Attire
Favorite Quote:  "Be the Change You Wish to See in the World." ~ Gandhi

I found this quote today & think this really does sum up where I'm at right now with Life:

”I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”

Biggest Change:  I'm still happy.  For the majority of the last year I was in a relationship, as most of you know.  And I was happy in it, to degrees... but the way we went about it?  It wasn't healthy for me; and I'd suppose not for him.  If you're having to sacrifice who you are, the very things that make you YOU in order to make your partner happy?  Then, unless the stuff that makes you 'You' is illegal or immoral?  Likely, it's not the right relationship.  As great of a guy as he is, (2) I couldn't BE the girl that lives that quote in our relationship.  Or, I wasn't that girl, anyway.  Our relationship wasn't equitable & that wasn't fair. As easy as it would be, I don't blame that on him; I blame that one? On me.   Ultimately, we broke up & yeah, it broke my heart because at the time, I wasn't ready to see what he already had.   I guess that's one thing I owe him thanks for, really. When I got there and did something about it?  It surprised me how quickly I was able to get back to the lady that I was and back on the path to the person I want to be.  Does that make sense?   I don't really know who I want to be with and it's honestly not a big focus for me right now.  I DO know WHO I want to be for myself, my daughters and the world-at-large, though & right now? I see that as more important... and I know that a guy can fit into that quite nicely at some point, however that might end up looking like. But I'm not waiting on that to be happy; I'm really having fun with life now... that, my girls, my career, my friends.. my 'profersonal' life? IS my happiness.  Everything else is kind of a bonus.


New Experiences:  iYoga ... kinda badly, but I do it! :)

My Biggest Challenge:  The last year has taught me a lot about relationships on every level.  You can want the best for someone; but a lot of times that means letting them go to achieve that on their own, even if it means failing.  FAILING IS OKAY.  You can do everything for someone else; but it doesn't make it wanted... and it's not the effort that counts there.  You short-change both parties in that process... even if you mean well.  If you compromise yourself - your beliefs, values, whatever, you've compromised every one of your relationships because the authenticity is damaged.  Even 'all-grownup?'  You can still outgrow friendships & that's okay.  Some of the friends I spend time with have changed but that's okay, too.  It's important, I think, to surround yourself with those that not only just like you or care about you; but will help you grow as a person and support your healthy interests - just as you do for them!

Life Outlook: I don't believe in 'karma' in that the world puts out bad things TO you if you do bad things to others and vice-versa.  Really tragic things happen to good people and amazingly good things seem to happen to some of the most soul-draining people out there.  But I do believe that? Doesn't matter and is a waste of focus.  So what do I believe?  Being positive matters.  For a really long, long time people joked that I was Pollyanna because I could find a silver lining in ANYTHING.  I think I lost sight of that over the last year or two when I was feeling a little defeated.  I'm really grateful to my true friends, my family, and those who stuck by me while I found my way back.  Because I have over the last three months & maybe even made a little progress past where I was.  And I'm really focused on keeping that forward momentum.



Lifestyle:  I've TOTALLY changed my lifestyle in the last year and even more in the last few months.  I'm eating healthy again - maybe even more-so than before, I'm really pretty active, and I make a regular point of moving beyond my comfort zone to stretch my perspective, experiences, and try to grow as a person.  Gotta say?  I'm having fun.  I don't have it all figured out and maybe the world isn't on a string for me quite yet; but boy am I enjoying the adventure.  A few years ago, I asked the question if I'd be able to ever really have the guts to 'get in the car' - yes, it did come after a bottle of wine & a Transformers marathon. Now I know:  No way will I be looking back in 50 years wondering if I had the guts to get in the car.  I'm not only IN the car; it's totally in Drive... and I'm pretty sure the best is yet to come. (4)

Looking forward to seeing what this next year has in store for me... Bring.It.On! :) 

(1) This One?  Totally falls under the #imadork hashtag. I was STUPIDLY excited about that and wore it out. Almost as stoked as I was about being 33 because it was a repetitive number.  So much for progress, LOL...
(2) Half-Heartedly; as it suits and is fun for me!
(3) And he really is, in a lot of ways.  We all  have our flaws, but it doesn't dismiss our strengths.  When you think about it, our weaknesses are just our strengths uncontrolled.  Just sayin'....
(4) Transformers Reference because I'm totally ok with my #imadork status :)

What Am I to You? Part 1: Asking the Question


Love this song. (1)  Norah's stuff is on my regular rotation of songs to sing to - they're sultry, earthy, and just plain fun!  So, this afternoon I was listening to this as I was trying to do Yoga (2) and musing over some of the things we talked about at #TNL:  relational networks, communities, talent, relationships... and that led to some word associations:  Purpose, Association, Opportunity, and Intent. And then for some reason?  That took me back to a conversation I had during the conference  with a really bright guy in my Industry on the subject of employment.

For years, those of us in Talent Acquisition/Recruiting have counseled candidates that unless they were 'career contractors' to beware frequent job changes.  Companies look for longevity when hiring for many reasons, not the least of which is the financial investment that comes with bringing on a new employee.  So, if you were one of those that had a new job every year or two; there'd reach a point where you were likely doing your career more harm than good:  it might look like you can't find something you enjoy doing, or can't work with a team, or just are not capable of success.  Prior to the economic downturn, that definitely made sense. But the question that he & I were discussing was, "What about now??"  With the average length of unemployment running between 6-12 months & layoffs/continual re-"right-sizing" being more of a commonplace event for employers... has the "JOB" become more of a "Project-Based Investment" rather than a long-term one?  And, does that then fundamentally shift what an Employee IS to their Company and vice-versa?


Obviously, there's not a universal answer for this one.  I don't want to see the Doctor who is joining a different practice every year; and the guys designing the planes I'm slightly afraid to fly in? It gives me some peace of mind to know they've been with their employers for a period longer than the training program they started off in.  But I can also see other areas where this perception shift to 'project employment' might make more sense for both the employee & the employer; especially in program creation roles where you might need a power-house to get things created/running; but not for the ongoing  'maintenance phase.'  So, I concede, when he introduced me to the concept, I was definitely intrigued at the possibilities. 

And while I still am; I see a lot of questions that raise some concerns from the HR perspective in the areas of Training & Culture.  I can see how it can be done; but I think that maybe the question "What am I to you?" has to be answered first.  How does the Company view employment?  For some, long-term tenure is a major part of their cultural environment & so this shift might be counter-productive to their Cultural goals & team environment.  For others, the training programs & ramp-ups are so time intensive that unless they hire someone planning to stick around for at least 5 years?  They're not going to get the full value they need out of the employee. (4)  If the Employee knew up front that their days were numbered, what would that do to Loyalty?  Would they end up being seen as more of an 'external stakeholder' rather than an invested, valued employee & could that impact perceived decision-making authority?

So, there's the initial questions I saw on the employer side; but what about the employee?  In some lines of work, we could argue we're doing this already without calling the spade a spade.  In HR/Recruiting/Talent Marketing/Social Media Communications?  I can certainly see how this could be a true statement.  Hiring is often cyclical, the person you need to create your programs often require more horsepower than those you need maintain them.  As an Employee, the opportunity to move to a 'project-based' role rather than a 'career role' could keep things fresh and exciting... allow for more overall skills development & experiential exposure.  Major pluses, to be sure.  But, realistically, not everyone is wired to be able to psychologically hang with such a status; there are still many that want the perceived security that comes along with the belief of "permanent employment." (5)  They want to "belong" and if they see themselves as transient then the fear is that they might not have that sense of being 'part of the family' and won't function on the same level in terms of engagement, productivity, and loyalty.  This isn't just an employer concern; I talk with "perm employees" that are hesitant to consider contract roles for the same reasons; you'd never hear those folks verbalize:



Either way, we all, on some level, want to know the answer to the question "What Am I to You?" as it relates to our value to & where we stand with our Team, Boss, Company, Relationships.. all of it.  I'm okay with that because once we know the answer; we can deal, make a game-plan, and forge ahead. The guy I had the conversation with?  Said this is the way things are going; and maybe he's right.   I can't help but wonder if we really know the answer to the question, though.. and if Employees and Employers would answer in the same way.  


(1) My apologies is there's an advertisement on the front side of this song; YouTube is being finicky so I had to pull from AOL Music.
(2) But as my heels started to literally bleed during various flexion/extension movements? I decided it was time to stop for now.
(3) credit goes to Bill Boorman for that - I love it & had to work it in. :p
(4) That actually was a viewpoint shared by my Father, who has a fairly large team of engineers & department that he manages/hires for.  When I broached this topic with him, he said that'd be horrible for his work environment. The time & money it takes to get an employee fully productive could be a couple of years; so, it just doesn't make sense for  his group.  But, he works in a "Career Company" where they often hire out of college & retire there, even still today.
(5) TxMQ
(6) Which I subscribe is a total myth but it doesn't change that it is "perceived truth" for many employees