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Friday, February 23, 2007

Myspace Migration: Drowning In My Medium-Sized Drink

Current mood:intimidated
Ok, time for a little honesty: I didn't watch "Super-Size Me." It's hard enough to look at myself in the mirror and not grimace at the remembrance of the french fries I scarfed down on my way to whatever; much less watch someone who intentionally eats at Mickey-D's three times a day. It just kind of made my stomach turn every time I thought about it, so I skipped it.

I'm not a big fan of hamburger joints. I can't eat a hamburger without enduring MASSIVE heartburn later on; so, typically, I just skip it. Chick-Fil-A is my weak spot when it comes to drive-thrus... well, and Starbucks, of course (though that coffee joint at Lebanon and the Tollway is quickly creeping up on my lists of favs). Tonight, though, I had to go back up to the office (still here, actually) and was totally jonesing for red meat... a good old fashioned hamburger. So, of course, I go to Wendys. Order my Old Fashioned Hamburger, and hold the bacon please. The guy asks if I want a medium-sized drink. "Sure," I say innocently, "Because there's no need for a large, right?" (Besides, they don't have my diet drink, so I'm having to drink regular Calorie-enriched DP)

Get to the window, hand them my card ... and I get back my bag o' food and this MAMMOTH drink. "Sir... um... I asked for a medium."

"Right... medium." The guy nods at the small swimming pool I'm holding in my hand.

"THIS...(I gesture at my drink).... is a medium?" My eyes are nearly as large as the drink and I'm praying I've got tums at the office, because I know I'll probably drink the whole darn thing (it's here - waste not, want not).

The fast-food worker shrugs, annoyed that I'm questioning him. "That's a medium lady; I don't know what to tell you." Then, realizing I'm questioning the rationale of something bigger than my head being called a medium he grins and adds, "You should see the large."

Um...no. No, I shouldn't. Because I think I understand the problem behind America's obseity problem - we have a very distorted reality. Our perceptions are skewed because everything has become so subjective. In the race to provide consumers the best "value," we've lost touch with reality and destroyed any standard we could go by. Unfortunately, while we might get an extra 12 ounces at Wendy's for a nickle less than at McD's (no clue whether that's true, by the way, as I typically order bottled Water from drive-thrus if I'm getting something besides coffee)... it's not really a value. Unless, of course, you want that extra fat roll to keep warm for the winter.

I guess I should get back to work now, huh? It'd be nice to go home at some point this evening. :)

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Myspace Migration: The Bar Scene

Current mood:amused
So, went to Sherlocks last night to celebrate the awesomeness that is Bev now that's she's 30. Met the Doms and company (great folks, very fun), saw James (he does exist! he was starting to rival other mythical figures like Superman and Santa Claus), Eric stopped by, met Richelle and Greg and they were great. Good times were had by all and Bev, I can only hope I look half as good at 30!!

One of the things that totally cracked me up was once the band started playing, conversation was like playing Charades. We tried to read lips (which people don't make the most crisp mouth movements once alcohol comes into play), we cupped our hands to each other's ears and screamed in them to achieve the net result of a whisper. Finally, a little concerned about the real possibility of long-term hearing impairment, we moved to an absolute blessing of technology: text messaging.
That's right folks, while sitting at the same table, we're texting each other to try and communicate. I've decided this is not wholly a bad thing. I was cracking up at some of the things I read this morning that I sent or were sent to me, such as:

"Who's the guy that keeps hitting on Bev?"

"He is here every weekend hitting on chicks; last weekend he was here with a wheelchair."

"Ah, so he likes older women, then?"

I have NO idea what we were talking about or more importantly, WHO we were talking about. This next one, I do. And it's kind of sad:

"How do we discreetly ask for like a dozen napkins? 'Cause it.is.up.my.assssppppppdd." (No kidding, that's exactly what was on my phone)
Ok, see anyone reading that text now would think something REALLY disgusting had occured. Not that it was great, but it just wasn't the way it reads today. A rather large glass of ice water was knocked into my lap (I truly couldn't tell you how, but I would assume someone's hand gesturing had something to do with it). Thank GOODNESS I was wearing dark jeans in a dark club. We did, in fact, get enough napkins to make a small quilt and I was able to soak up most of the water - what was left, I'm convinced, kept me cool throughout the evening.

My favorite was a text that wasn't sent, it was just on my Treo - saying that he thought I looked good in black leather. I kinda want to know who said that, lol... esp. since I wasn't wearing black leather?? Anyway, I guess my point to this text message tirade was that I find it absolutely amusing that this was really how we HAD to communicate in order to have a conversation. And it's evidently more commonplace that what I had thought, because I observed several other tables doing the same thing. Nightlife in Dallas in the year '07.

We ended the night at IHOP, which that or Cafe Brazil is almost a Saturday night requirement. Carb-load for energy before you go home; protien to soak up what you drank, whatever... you just need it. So, we had six people on-site with the possibility of two more showing up. We asked for the larger 4-top that can seat 6. There were two empty ones RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES, that had a smaller 2-top right across from it that Richelle and Greg could have sat at. Noone was there, the hostess chick wasn't seating anyone there, but there were people in that section, so it wasn't like she COULDN'T. She finally offers us a smaller 4-top that there's no WAY all six of us there could sit at. So, I pointed that out and asked for the bigger table. (Patience level not so great; I'm tired, still a little damp, and needing to eat and go home) She finally sits us in the smoking section (fine, whatever) - but not at the table with SIX CHAIRS ALREADY there... she takes us to another stinkin' small 4-top. um, hello, we just turned that down? Could we not sit at the table that actually seats six, maybe?? I guess I must have said it like that because Bev told me that the hostess threw down our menus and would definitely be spitting in our food and putting my pancakes down their pants.

My response? Ok, if I don't see it, it didn't happen. I'm all ok in my warm, friendly "Crystal Bubble" where people don't do that stuff and I'm sitting at a 6-top. But I was extra nice to my waitress, just in case.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Myspace Migration: On The Lighter Side of News

Current mood:chipper
... whenever I'm sick, I watch a lot of news. It's on, it won't turn your brain to mush like much of daytime TV (although Frasier in the morning is always a treat). We all know about Anna Nicole, shame her heart was inflamed... so, I won't talk anymore about her. Would be redundant. Here are the stories that caught my attention, though:

1) Dog eats $5k wedding ring. They got it back; they had the pilfering pooch throw it up. My thought on that is... the poor woman who owns that ring undoubtably saw said dog throw that thing up and now she has to WEAR IT. Wouldn't the vision of that event that was, no doubt, seared into her mind's eye make it just plain ookey to wear that ring day in and out? I don't know, I think I might trade that thing in for an upgrade that hadn't seen the lining of a pit bull's stomach...

2) Ten-year-old is aiming to get a bill passed that would ban smoking in cars. He's using the premise that we're currently (and in some places, successfully) passing bans on using a cell-phone (and other things which I have since forgotten) in your car - how is that any different than using one of your available hands to hold and smoke a cigarette? Good call, kid. While his parents apparently do not smoke, he said he saw children in other cars where adults were smoking and it's not fair that children be subjected to that. Again, good call, kid. I personally hope that measure passes, though I'm not sure it will.

The Wedding Racket is starting to gear up again for yet another season. I'm seeing an increase in jewelry commercials, cruise lines, Sandals commercials and advertisments by wedding shops. Now, it could be coincidental since my dear friend Jackie is getting married, but oi! That is such a big business that's very good at ripping you off. Because, really, I'm not sure that anyone can feel perfectly happy at spending 130k on a party ... especially when a lot of these people have to go into hock for it and don't yet own their own house. Why don't they own a house? Because they decided to have a wedding.

By the way, my benefactor status at Starbucks has now been approved... now I'm aiming for "Patron Saint." Wish me luck, I'm off for cofee...