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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Before He Cheats

Not gonna lie, was cracking up a little when the idea for this blog came about. A couple months back, I'd had a conversation with what was soon to be my ex-boyfriend that there are always signs when a relationship is coming to an end or before someone cheats. And I believe that, there are. (1) Despite how clever one might think they are? When it comes to skirting around? They're just not - here's the six biggest signs your relationship just might not be on solid ground:

  1. Change in Frequency of Intimacy - there's a reason why this is the #1 sign - it's a signal of how connected you are with your significant other. If this suddenly drops? Pay attention; because something is likely off.. even if it's not cheating.
  2. Your Calls Suddenly Start Going to VM - If your partner starts suddenly letting your calls go to VM where they didn't use to? Might not mean anything; but if there starts to be a pattern? Radar up...
  3. Sudden Drop in Time Together - and then maybe spends the time you DO spend together distracted?? Big.Red.Flag. This is a sign of shifting focus; sometimes that makes sense - like when you're starting a new business, changing jobs, etc, new baby, whatnot... but, outside of that? Big.Red.Flag.
  4. Everything You Do is Wrong - If there's an uptick in your partner's criticism, it could mean that your 'sweetie' is looking for ways to shift blame from what they're thinking/doing - or it could be that you're going through a klutzy phase. :p
  5. Things start getting secretive - Start noticing that the computer is suddenly on lock-down, texts messages from other men/women come in and get quickly deleted or not returned in your presence, the cell phone never leaves his/her side, changes in trust levels without real justification? That's a big, big sign of something wrong - those without anything to hide? Don't suddenly start. Now, if your guy or gal was ALWAYS the secretive type? Might be a different story - check for tinfoil hats. ;)
  6. All About Appearances - if they suddenly start hitting the gym, losing weight, get obsessed with plastic surgery or something of the like? This can be another red flag - most esp. when paired with other signs already listed.
But what about professionally speaking? How can you tell that your employee(s) might be searching for greener pastures? Amazingly enough? It's pretty similar stuff...

  1. Decrease in Productivity/Engagement - Employees that are looking often disconnect from the culture & stop "giving it their all." - Sound a lot like loss of intimacy?
  2. Decrease in Phone Time, but Increase in Internet Usage - Employees on the hunt often take fewer work calls; but their internet usage, on average, jumps to over 3 hrs/day - and yes, they'll use their body to try to block the screen/minimize it when they see you.
  3. An Increase in Sick Time - If you start seeing an uptick in time home due to 1-day illnesses, or half a dozen family members pop up dead? Might find a resignation is soon to follow...
  4. Complaints are Constant - you'll find this one? Is truly a no-brainer; employees engaged with this do not see a long-term future where they are.
  5. They Start Getting Secretive - personal calls increase but they don't take them at their desk or in common areas; and they speak in hushed tones.
  6. Their Appearance Goes WAY UP - if the business casual guy starts suddenly wearing pinstripes and the crazy-haired chick starts sporting perfectly coiffed do's? Red.Flag.Central...
They're pretty much the same, aren't they?? (2) The danger with a list like this? Is that it might ALSO be something else completely. I still subscribe if you see several of these signs at once? Houston? You DO have a problem - just because they're not cheating doesn't mean they're not checked-out of the relationship. Vegas money? Says they have. So, what do you do if these signs are popping up like wildflowers in your personal or professional relationships? Stay tuned... we'll cover that next time! ;)

(1)Now, to his credit and so no one gets the wrong idea; he didn't cheat... he's not that guy. AT ALL. This is also not, however, about him. That was just the conversation that started percolating this blog post & it's a slightly delicate topic... So, now that we have that out of the way...
(2) The answer to that question is YES. They ARE the same, actually.

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