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Sunday, April 18, 2010

As I sit here, coffee cup in hand, let just say that most of the women I've ever known or talk to LOVE lingerie... but, hate shopping for it. I don't blame them; in fact, I'm totally within their ranks. Unless you're an active college-kid that's shed her freshman 15 or shaped like HER (1)??

Shopping for your intimates can be something of a ego-deflating experience. And where most women swear they're going to double their crunches or call a trainer the next day.

As a single chick and divorcee? I don't really have to worry about what anyone else thinks of my sleepwear - so, I buy what I like and that trends more around three things:

1. Cute (I'm 31 - Granny nightgowns are NOT allowed)
2. Comfortable (I'm a lounger during the late evening/early morning hours - so, this is important to me)
3. Moderate Modesty Level (I mean, I DO have 2 girls in my house)

For me, these criteria equal two places: Soma and The Undies (Her Room). What I love about Somas is that I walk in and they measure me. Believe it or not, if you've been under a rock (or are a guy) and haven't heard? Your cup size totally changes and for most women, it'll be several times throughout their lifetime. I have a smaller torso, so at this point my changes typically are in band size. Interestingly enough? When your band size goes down? Your cup size goes up. But when your band size goes up? Your cup size goes up. Talk about confusion! No wonder women spend their whole lives wearing the wrong bra size! But, they're fantastic at Somas and it equals a practically perfect fit, every time. :) And their sleepwear? Super cute and still comfy. Fits all of my criteria. The Undies? Check it out... you'll see why I love it. Consolidated shopping is the bomb. 'Nuff said.

Moving on, it does seem a little unfair to me that there's so much a gal's got to pay attention to when buying her unmentionables. So much that changes, shifts, moves and different types and ways to address them. With guys? Kinda simple - boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs. Ok, so you MAY find the leisure suit larry that's still into banana hammocks; but overall, three basic options that only change with your waistline (2). But still, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do... right? ESPECIALLY when you're not buying your intimates just for your own wearing pleasure. It wasn't so long ago that I was married that I can't recall what it was like to try to keep someone else's preferences in mind when shopping for my sleepwear. Not going to lie, it was a delicate balancing act... because those preferences were formed based off what was seen elsewhere (3) - which didn't necessarily mean it would work on me. The whole point of lingerie IS to be flattering, right?? :)

Was chatting with one of my best friends about this yesterday who was blessed with a near perfect body; but somewhat skewed self-perception. She likes shopping for this stuff just about as much as I do LOL. Anyway, we decided that at the end of the day, Lingerie can basically be boiled down to about 10 minutes of importance. Now, which ten minutes that actually is differs for the wearer and the.. beneficiary? :p For the wearer, it's the 10 minutes BEFORE getting into bed that are the important ones. Get dressed, smooth out - check the mirror - and when it fits/works? It's the 'feel good minutes.' Makes you feel good about being a girl, so to speak. :) If not, it's the 10 minutes where you frantically try to figure out how to hide the problem areas, give yourself a pep talk, or just say 'screw it' and employ the use of blind-folds. :)) Good times.

For the beneficiary? It's the 10 minutes AFTER you get into bed that count. Not that's a revelation of any kind; because lingerie is kind of an eye-candy thing. After that, it's often seen as 'in the way' and if they have their way? It ends up on the floor. But guys, a lot of women would just as soon prefer it be left ON - it makes them feel good... and if they feel good about themselves, isn't an 'everybody wins' moment? When this topic was broached for research and historical data from friends was shared; the biggest objection I got back was "but it puts up a divider - a separation of sorts." Hmm... ok. Granted, I don't live in Victoria's Secret (4), but isn't most of this stuff made of mesh or lace??? It's seriously not like it's the Great Wall of China or anything.

But it does bring up an interesting point: it's not called intimates for nothing. When they're worn to bed for the benefit of more than just yourself? There's even money that an intimate activity might follow. Sex has varying degrees of intimacy that can be a reflection on the level of relationship you have. I know if I'm not happy with someone I really don't necessarily want them to see me nekkid (5)!! So, I think in that instance or on those days when you're feeling less than generally secure about your body for whatever reason - and we ALL have those days - let it be. Unless, of course, it itches - and then throw it out and buy something else. ;)

(1) And PS? I'm not. lol And whoever designed those shoes is the new Mayor of Awesometown.
(2) Which face it, is pretty easy to correct. Size UP!
(3) Typically ON someone else that was 4 inches taller than I and waaay lankier
(4) I was truly disgusted last time I went and saw TEENAGERS trying on full-blown lingerie.
(5) Or have sex with them for that matter; but, I recognize that despite the blog banner, when in a relationship it can't be all about ME. LOL

Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Are We or Aren't We?"

As I have stuck my toes to test the waters back in the dating pools lately; I have heard one question more times this past month or two than I have in the last ten years: "When do you know you're 'dating' someone and when you are their SOMEONE?" This question, boiled down, basically is asking how do you know if you're someone's boyfriend/girlfriend. Valid question, I guess...

I have one better, though - "What does it matter, really??" At the end of the day, isn't it kind of a label? If you're enjoying the time you're spending with the person you're spending it with... isn't that enough? Or is it? If it's such a popular topic of conversation amongst singles; it's got to have some level of importance to somebody. So, I start to query my single friends and those I've been chatting with... IS this a big deal and why?

For girls, seems as it's all about the safety net of exclusivity. Like it's a warm blanket on a cold night or the revealed path to 'happily ever after.' An arrival of sorts. So, it's about gain. The guys I've talked to have, largely, related to it in terms of loss of consortial-type activities (but without the legal responsibility). ;) As in, when they've got a girlfriend? They've gone 'exclusive' precluding their ability to do whatever with whomever. Now, there are the more romantically inclined or principled men that have focused more on the whole 'dating is a process that's designed to lead you towards a greater commitment' - but by and large? It's more about the sex. Just sayin.' The dumbest response I have heard was related to condoms - specifically that they could stop using them if they were exclusive. In which case, I hope neither of you were exposed to coodies that just haven't shown up on your tests yet.

Personally, I think this whole question is one where if you have to ask? You're probably not. It's been my general experience (and goodness knows I'm no Dating Pro that has all the answers) that you kinda can tell - just have to pay attention. How are you introduced? Do you spend quite a bit of time together (face/text/phone) or does it seem like there's better than even money that one or both of you are still 'playing the field?' Often, you can kind of figure it out and spare the awkward conversation... but, that's just me.

What if you NEED to have that conversation, though? What's the best way to have it? Blunt? Direct? Beating around the bush, so to speak?? Thoughts? Send 'em my way.... I'm intruiged. :)