The Roller Coaster Series: Intro

Yesterday I went back to our local amusement park, Six Flags, with my two girls.  Growing up, I loved roller coasters; I remember riding the ShockWave with one of my favorite Aunts over and over again. (1)  It’s a double-loop roller coaster and it was the coolest thing since sliced-bread growing up.  Amazing speeds, quick adrenaline rush, careless fun – pure enjoyment. Couldn’t get enough of it… I didn’t even mind the lines.

Time does what it’s supposed to… it marched on.  I grew up, had children, entered the ‘working world of the responsible’ and became  aware of things like value of time, risk & the comfort of control.  I vowed to stay off motorcycles and would unnecessarily worry about the relative safety of roller coasters. After all, did you hear that story about the kid on the roller coaster who dropped the quarter… I could still have fun at the park; but it was measured, deliberate.. it wasn’t the same....

Continue reading HERE - The rest is on my website at TheOneCrystal.com

The “Momsters” & Balancing the Parenting Juggling Act

I’m pretty sure I would have made a really rockin’ Momster.  For anyone whose not familiar, it’s the Parenting Version of Bridezilla; but instead of being a complete hot mess?  The “Momster” is perfect in her bitchiness.  It’s not just her attitude that says, “I’m better than you” – it’s her actions.. her perfect baked goods… her complete dedication to working towards negative numbered clothing sizes… She throws the best dinner parties, is in every committee possible in the PTA/Junior League and shealways beats you in tennis.

You can read more by visiting TheOneCrystal - my wordpress blog. :)

Reason #1692 We Now Know #Imadork

Not that I was actually ever under the delusion that I’m not; but if I were, I’ve now got further proof that I am!  Since it’s funny and ties into my work-life balance theme this week?  I thought I’d share it with you.

In my effort to rule the world, (1) or at least balance what I’ve got going on in it?  I try to keep pretty tight organization on my relationships.  A lot of this I do with spreadsheets and yes, I know that causes a huge uptick in my #imadork status.  I’ve got spreadsheets to keep up with all my friends, FB Friends, Network – simple stuff like:

• Name, rank, serial #-type information
• contact info
• birthday
• family status
• their birthdays, if I know them
• Employer
• Profession
• Interests

I use that information to keep up w/my Community.  Whatever – it works… most of the time. 

You can read the rest here on my new(ish) Wordpress blog @ TheOneCrystal.com

Facebook got me fired... Again?! Debunking 3 #SoMe #HR Myths

Social Media & Employment... How's it still 'All the Rage?' Because we're not addressing it, people.
In the last few weeks, I’ve read a number of news articles and blogs talking about “how [someone] was fired for Facebook.”  I’m not going to lie, it’s somewhat surprising that this is actually news to anyone.  Social Media?  Is not new… but, I guess the continual growth of end-users makes it new for someone and many companies, are still grappling with how to deal with it.  Care to take a guess at how many companies globally do not have a social media policy in place for their workforce?  No?  It’s actually a shocking 85%.  That’s shocking when you link that stat to these:

• 22% of Fortune 500 companies have an active, public-facing blog
• Over 30% of businesses globally utilize social media in their marketing
• Approximately 45% of companies actually use social media to help screen hires
• Approximately 57.5% of the population with internet access (approx. 1 out of every 13 people on the planet) have a social media profile
• 93% of B2B Marketers are engaged in some form of social media marketing
• As of April 2011, there are more social networking site accounts than there are people on the planet (over 10 Billion).

....Read the rest at http://theonecrystal.com/2011/09/01/facebook-got-me-fired-debunking-3-some-employment-myths/ 

Piglet, Pooh, & Relationships: Things I wish I Knew Earlier #TR30Days

Love my new website; HATE the stats tracker on Wordpress.  Seriously, hate it.  Miss being able to see the info by operating system, countries visited, etc.  So, I'm still going to write everything over there; but maybe I'll put a teaser & redirect traffic from here to there. :p  Gonna give it a shot, anyway; according to my stats here, folks are still reading (and some RANDOM old stuff, too! :p ):

Piglet, Pooh & Relationships:  Things I Wish I'd Figured Out Earlier w/ Poison & Wine 

Tonight on Twitter, they had a discussion – a chat – on one of the Twitter channels, #GenYChat.  I went, expecting it to be on business; but, it was actually on marriage/significant romantic relationships.  So not my area of expertise; as the closest thing I have to a romantic relationship is my love affair with coffee.  And since it’s a one-sided love (1) as I’m pretty sure the coffee doesn’t miss me the way I miss it when I don’t have it?? Not sure that really counts.    But, despite my experiential disadvantage in the subject matter; I tried to stick it out.  Made it about halfway through & then they started talking about cheating, and “must-haves/must-not haves” criteria lists for partners, are we naturally monogomous … very subjective and personal questions.  Stuff I’m not going to be learning from; but rather turning purple sharing my opinions/history on those subjects with strangers on twitter.   Which, when I think about it is kind of funny; as I share a lot of my life on here & goodness knows who ends up reading it! (see the rest on Wordpress by clicking the title above.. :)  )

Moving On Up!

Oh MY this made me giggle!!

So, I'm abandoning my blogger site; and movin' on up to Wordpress. 

So go there, to my new site, to check out the fun:  WWW.THEONECRYSTAL.COM 

I'm gonna miss Blogger's analytics, though; I think they're better. 

Week One Report: My List .. Would a Mulligan be Cheating?? #TR30Days

Below you'll see a LOVELY list.  Truly, I'm pretty happy with the stuff I want to focus on during this 30-day challenge.  But boy, I don't feel like I made much progress AT ALL this past week.  Work was just insanely busy; and I got to meet my half-sister when she came in town this weekend, which was beyond wonderful.. but, distracting for the purposes of this project.  I concede, I'm a little disappointed.. to the point I considered saying "So, maybe I should shift to where I'm starting THIS week instead of on my birthday..."  But, you know, that'd be cheating.  If I'm dealing with the "NOW," then part of that needs to include 'real-time' course-corrections... and, more importantly?  This is supposed to be a "way of life" project; it wasn't intended to do while I put my life on pause!  I've got to  do a better job of integrating the unexpected with the planned when it comes to things outside of doing my job and caring for my girls.  And I know I can. ;)   So, the update stands.

MIND:

• Cut the cord to the cell phone in the car- specifically, while I'm driving.  While I wasn't on the phone when I got into a minor car accident last week? It really woke me up to the fact that distracted driving probably should have been a factor and it's blind luck that it wasn't.  It was #wakeupcall & I'm taking it.  Whatever's going on?  WILL keep until I put it in park.  Update - Yeah, I did really well with this until Friday night and then it was pretty much #gameover all weekend.  Ridiculous.  So.. starting again this week. 
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• Business Development - I will add 4 new clients from 7/29 to 8/29 :)  I've got a pretty solid business development plan built out and will be executing it.  Tying it to the "NOW" thing? I'm committing to having my daily work put INTO my CRM system at the end of EACH day - I'll admit I can have a tendency to want to neglect the "Administrivia" (3) but it's important, too.  Giving myself the "Three Pass Rule" (4) - I'll commit to giving up my #Wine Wednesday if I hit a 4th infraction where I focus on database development instead.  A 5th infraction will have me giving up a date night - so there will BE no 5th infraction, for sure!!! :)  Update:  I guess I'm making decent headway with this; there's interest but until the ink is dry? Not done! So, I feel behind.   On a somewhat related note, I've been asked to speak at a couple of upcoming events.  I love doing this, so I'm looking forward to it.  More details on that as soon as it's firmed up; but one is on the topic of Talent Marketing -makes sense- and the other is geared for Job Seekers to help them Market themselves like a recruiter.  Fun!   Also, the fabulous @MeghanBiro & I got to take our fun to a different kind of line! Went from 'online' to the phone lines' and had a blast connecting on #Culture & #Tchat w/ her on another level. 
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• Read One Book a Week & One Parenting & Fun Book Over the Challenge - Three a week is way too much for me to realistically keep up with this time, but 1 book a week?  Is a 2 hour time commitment - I can hang with that AND commit to a blog on it to boot!  Also want to read a "just for fun" and a specific parenting book relating to 'girl cliques' before the school year starts back up!  I'm about halfway through the No Asshole Rule Book - I like it; but I've been WAY too swamped to do much about finishing it!  So, maybe I'll try to wrap that up when I'm spending some quality time on the exercise bike this week?? Still, unless I crank out a book this weekend?  I'm behind. 
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• Blogging - Can I do three a week?  I think I can. :) I'm also going to make a decision on splitting my blog into 2 by the end of this 30-day or keeping it whole, as is.  Update:  I did 2 blogs; but I really only liked one of them.  I had the worst case of writer's block this past week!  I'm hoping it goes away when I give up and just write about the family dynamic stuff - because I think (1) that will get my pen moving again.  We'll see. Still.. that's 1 short this week. 

BODY:

• THREE - Three days a week I WILL - do yoga, do strength training, and do swimming.
• TWO - Two days a week I WILL - play tennis & do spin - or spinnish thing Jen taught me (so gonna kill me).
• ONE - EVERY day I will do my 10k - even if it has to be broken into 2 5ks.
• I will drink 2 liters of water a day.

Update:  HAHAHAHAHA... Ok, so I did 12 miles last week.  Not.Even.Close. I DID do the spinnish thing; it DID basically kill me.  I took a few days off because I literally ripped my heels up over the #TNL conference/birthday weekend.  They bled (somewhat badly by Sunday, actually) and really hurt when I walked until Thursday.  BUT, I did drink my water so at least that's something.. of course, I'm pretty sure it's because Texas may literally be hotter than hell right now.  Not sure; it's gotta be close, though. 

SPIRIT:

• Daily Gratitude WITH my Girls - I really enjoyed this last time & it had such a huge impact on my overall outlook in life.  I want to include the girls into this 30 Days so they can enjoy the benefits of a grateful heart/outlook as well; AND so I can gain further parental insights into a different aspect of their personality. ) - Update:  Didn't have them until this weekend; so, will start that today.  BUT, even still?  I didn't keep up with my gratitude exercises 2 days this week.  Was so focused on work that I was a total slacker. 
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• Bible Study w/ the Girls on Healthy Relationships & Sex:  Because if you wait to talk about it until you "HAVE TO?"  You've waited way too long.  We've chatted about it; but want to start doing a pulse check before we go back to school.  Want to do the study that Shannon Rowell recommended & really hit on what healthy "dating" in Middle School/High School looks like.  Update - I DID get the bible study I want to do with them and we're starting it tonight. Yay! :) 
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• Charity Work -   REALLY am keen on @lovedrop and want to be more of a part of bringing awareness to that cause during this #TR30Days challenge.  Also will be participating at the Service/Volunteer weekend at Church as being more involved w/ The Branch has been on my 'to-do' list since May of LAST year.  *Oops!*  Was really appreciative of the volunteer weekend & chance to change the 'to-do' to an 'am-doing.' :)  Update:  I AM registered for "GO" - the Service Weekend at my church; and I did get my "August Charity Vlog" out.. so, I'm tracking on this one.  Vlog is below...  I HATE the frame iMovie chose to land on to start, LOL  what's up with my mouth?????

(1) Read = Hope... otherwise, I have NO idea why I'm locked-up

The Results Are In: I Did It! #TR30Days Learning Round-Up

Well... I did it.  I made it through 30 days.  That, in and of itself, isn't much of an accomplishment.. basically, what I'm saying there? Is that I didn't die.  And, since my birthday is next Friday? I'm rather okay with that... think it'll be rather convenient to be alive when I turn 33. :)

So, on to the bucket list.  It's pretty long, so I'm going to say if you want to read the comprehensive list?  Check out my progress updates:

My #TR30Days Bucket List

Week One Total Done #TR30Days

Week Two Down:  #TR30Days Update

Week Three Behind Me:  #TR30Days Update

Week Four Finished:  The Final 1st #TR30Days Update

I went all out & was fairly ambitious with my list.  Most of it, I'm happy to report I accomplished & yes, it makes me feel good.  Mostly, though, I feel like this last 30 days helped 'recenter' me.  When I started this project, I was still a little emotionally adrift & had gone through a bit of a 'life-shift' due to a somewhat painful breakup the month before that really had significant effect on my social circle, some medical junk, work changes & the associated 'fall-out'/changes that come with each.  What I'm saying is that I needed, and was ready for, the challenge.  And boy, was it. 

Working through my bucket list, I learned some things.  A renewed focus on gratitude helped me renew my appreciation for 'the little things' and to give mental 'thanks' for all I've been blessed with throughout the day.  I have to say, it worked - this daily exercise has helped me enjoy life more.  And maybe this is odd, but if I can't find myself grateful for something in my life? I've been ditching it.  In the process of trying to repair some relationships I'd let lapse over the last year; I worked through the process of "Unfriending" (1)  - something that was a little bit different for me and got me thinking about troubled relationships (2) - from a 'profersonal' perspective. (3) Over the 4th, I ruminated on the perspective shift this exercise brought & my appreciation for those that really 'get it' when it comes to our responsibility to life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness  &  FINALLY admitted that sometimes?  It's ok to admit you've got to give it up.  Those that know me well know just how hard that was for me to cop to -that's SO NOT my personality.

Not everything was a success... I tried my hand at vlogging to learn I've got a LOT of work to do in that area... and I'm likely never gonna be a newscaster. :p  I DID my squats, but after working out with my new trainer Jennifer yesterday?  I saw JUST how easy I took it on myself & now have NO delusions that I'm actually in any kind of good shape.  But, she'll fix that with me over the next couple months!  Had a lot of fun & was grateful working with various charity causes (4) but my goal of getting a blood drive organized in PV was pretty dashed.  Oh well.  Champagne Thursdays didn't quite work out- but started a Supper for Six dinner discussion social ... so, that's cool. :)

And that leads to what I think was the biggest #WIN for the first round of #TR30Days involvement:  relationships. Put my toes back into the dating waters & had good times with friends I've not been able to see enough of, expanding my social circle.  Good times.   I've met some AMAZING people & really formed some really cool relationships throughout this process.  They cheered me on & laughed with me.. we shared fun, frustration, and forged ahead together.  I've got some new role models and I'm unabashedly stating I'm excited at the thought of learning more from them as we continue this journey together.  Go TRIBE!  

TY @ty_sullivan, AMANDA @sexythinker, CHERIE @cherie28, BILL @culturedude, GINI @ginisays, JONI @luckypenny, Heather @HeatherEGraham, Belinda @BelindaK04, Jason @Seiden and others... THANK YOU.  You're an amazing group of people & I appreciate you all so much! :)  

So, that's it - long, I know; but like I said... it was a big list! :p  Looking forward to the next 30; but it's going to be a much more focused list - going to start on my birthday.. seems like a great time to start.  

(1) Part 2 Here

(2) Two more parts to this series:  "Here Without You" (snoozer) & "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" (better, I think)

(3) Want to learn more about 'profersonalism?'  I blogged about it, but Jason Seiden is really the brain-child behind this and his blog? Is greatness!  

(4) Not to mention the massive amounts of stuff I cleared out from my house.  Kinda sad when I look at how much more I have to go, though!

Week Four Finished: The Final 1st #TR30Days Update

For a faster "Catch-Up" Session?? Just read the updates in this color. :)  left the rest as a reference back. . .  If you're just catching this and want to know what it is?  Watch the video 

Gratitude: "Gratitude is not only the Greatest of all virtues; but the parent of all the others." ~ Cicero(Ok, this 'bucket' was absolutely snagged from @Sexythinker, the talented Ms. Amanda Hite - but it's fantastic & absolutely fits with where I want my focus to remain!)

• Make a point of reaching out and expressing gratitude to 1 person that has made a positive impact in my life each day. Wk3 UPDATE: I'm loving this - and since gratitude doesn't have to be on a large scale? Might never stop.  Continued focusing on my daughters - working on building their self-esteem through the expression of gratitude for the many blessings they've brought to my life & cool things they do! #PositiveParenting
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• Start integrating gratitude as a prosocial behavioral motivator in my work UPDATE: Definitely made some progress with this; but it's an ongoing process - going to take longer than 30-days to see the 'pay-off' in this and that's okay.  Not doing it for a 'kudos.'
• Share 1 thing a day from the Encyclopedia of Gratitude & write about how it's positively affected my life - why I'm grateful for it, too! UPDATE: This week my gratitude writings were on & why it made me grateful:
• Holding Your Child's Hand - Both my kids are hand-holders & snuggly. I am SO grateful for this (I am, too!!)
• Parks- When my gym is packed? I'm pretty grateful for the ones I can walk around in! :)  Plus, sometimes just chilling in the grass or the "Beach" at Grapevine Lake & staring up at the sky?  Peaceful good times.
• Monty Python - Found myself singing "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life" when dropping off a box of stuff this past weekend & remembered that those guys really crack me up.  The performance video for this? Cheeky Fun!! LOL
• Dad Behind the Wheel - I'm so grateful my Dad loves tinkering with my car - saves me major $$ in service fees & makes me feel safer 'cause I KNOW he cares about my safety!
• All You Can Eat - Horrifically bad for you, but great people-watching opportunities.
• Women's Suffrage-  I hold a fairly low-importance political position & a girl friend of mine holds the same in a more important, heavily populated district (that I live in).  We both take these roles seriously & she does a GREAT job (thanks, Kate) - wouldn't be possible without the work done during the suffrage movement. :) 
• Funny Movies- I enjoy being able to go to the movies now and again - and get to enjoy the show!  Saw a couple movies this last week & had a great time. :) 
• Pay it Backward - Reach out to one person that has 'paid it forward' with me and see how I can help them in return... then do it! UPDATE: We Did It!!!  This is awesome & will make my bucket list next month, too.

Social:

• Make a point of working on repairing a couple of key relationships that I let lapse over the last year UPDATE: Done.  
• Do something with 1-2 friends that I normally don't get time to go do things with - expand my social 'outings' outside of my norm so I can really get to better know and appreciate my friends/connections - going to try to schedule something once a week. UPDATE: Done - met up with a friend from ELEMENTARY SCHOOL this past week. Coolness! 
• Be open to dating - still not real hip on the thought of another serious relationship; but I guess they don't start there, do they?? :) So, I'm resolved to say 'Absolutely' to at least one invitation over the next 30 days. Still has to be with someone I'd WANT to go out with - I'm not going to just say 'sure' to anybody. Criteria should still apply, right??? :) UPDATE:  Accomplished.  Definitely.  
• Restart Champagne Thursdays with the local ladies! :D UPDATE: This didn't happen. #fail

Giving Back- Volunteering/Altruism Project:

• Complete the Natural Disaster Donation Project (1) by end of June.UPDATE: I've given away 1/3rd of my closet & 1/4th  of my house.  Wow.  I have  a lot of stuff.
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• Start the "Altruism Adventure" with the girls - teaching the importance of altruism, demonstrate the principle in my own life & have the 3 of us perform 1 altruistic act a week. UPDATE: I'm proud of the progress we've made with this - but we're not DONE - this was just the beginning.
• Continue volunteer efforts - for this 30-days, want to include work with Attitudes & Attire. Have Three Bags of clothes to donate.  I think we can do better.  Will do again this next month.  
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• Find a workable date for the Blood Drive for Providence & continue to work towards facilitating/organizing that event. UPDATE: This one didn't fly.

Health & Fitness - Mental & Physical:

• Drink my 3 liters of water a day (and stop complaining that I don't like how it tastes! LOL) UPDATE: Never going to commit to 3L of water again.  Did it.. and the news last week?  Said it was TOO MUCH WATER!  My nephrologist and I are SO having a talk.
• Integrate One 15k each week IN ADDITION to the daily 10ks... cut time by 30-seconds/mile UPDATE: Yeah, I'm not getting the additional 15k in, but I HAVE cut over 40 seconds off my mile with the 10ks, so that's cool!   I also started yoga.  Insanity made me stupidly sick.  Holding off on this for 30-60days.  I've started with a trainer instead.
• Restart Physical Therapy for my jaw - increase opening from 24mm to 28mm by end of 30days UPDATE: This has really helped my jaw.  Still going to need anther surgery at some point, but I think if I keep this up? I can stave that off for a year or two!
• 1 hour of dance EVERY day UPDATE: DID THIS!! :) SO.MUCH.FUN!!!  I LOVE THIS SO SO MUCH!  This is greatness.  Stopped wearing socks and that helped. :p 
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• Do squats for 30 minutes every day while watching "How I Met Your Mother" UPDATE: I hate squats. And doing them with Jennifer yesterday?  Mine weren't hard enough!
• Start friends Bible study with A (and maybe Julie?) UPDATE: Every day, every day, every day - love it.  Working a 1 yr study so we're keep on, keepin' on!  
• 5:30 am workouts 3 days a week with Heather UPDATE: Yeah, not so much. #fail 
• Read 3 books a week - but make sure one is just for fun and one is for general learning & one is for business (rather than ALL on business). UPDATE: I had NO time to read with work this past week - so,   Too Big to Fail, Jessica's Tweet This! book & Run Like a Mother ? You're on my list and will be done before 7/29 

Business:

• Register for remaining conferences for 2011. UPDATE: Done! :)  Can't make blogher this year - it's on the girls' Dad's bday - need to be in town.  
• Solidify Q3 Social Media Plan & Strategies for TxMQ & Clients. Write proposal for same. UPDATE: Done.
• Revisit 2011 business plan strategies for Q3 & Q4. UPDATE: Done.
• Gain commitment to bi-weekly trainings for team & write schedule.UPDATE: Yeah, didn't finish this.
• Finish new BD opp presentation for potential RPO client. UPDATE: Done! :)
• Restart video blogging for work. Commit to 1/week UPDATE: Decided I'm not ready for work vlogs; so switched this to personal & prosocial vlogging so I can be ready for the next 30 day challenge. :)  - Got the next prosocial vlog in. I'm never gonna be on TV. :p  Done! 
• Identify a potential Jr. BD person for DFW. UPDATE: Done & Done. :)

Bye Bye Love...

So a lot of times when I'm blogging, I'll try to find a way to tie dating & relationships with our 'working lives'/the workplace.. because, there really are a lot of similarities, when you think about it.  And I'm sure if I sat here and thought long enough, hard enough... I'd probably find a way to do it with this one, too.  But, I'm not going to...not planning to, anyway.  We'll see what comes out!

Two weeks after my ex-boyfriend & I broke up, one of my oldest 'adult' friends announced she & her husband had broken up, as well.  I was there the day she got engaged, was a part of her wedding, was there for the birth of her first child and genuinely thought she and her hubby would be together forever.  After 4 years, their marriage?  Was over.

Okay, so that's not the first divorce I've ever encountered.  I'm divorced, for Pete's sake... but this one hit me differently.  Maybe it's because I was there for the milestones; or because during some of my REALLY ridiculous dating experiences.. I could look at the two of them and see a glimpse of what 'happily ever after' should look like.  And not going to lie, it made me happy seeing them happy.  That's gone now.  They're divorced & just two months later, I'm now seeing pictures of her that include another guy; and his FB has him in a relationship with another woman.  Neither of them are doing anything wrong; the ink is dry & final... but... it just feels wrong, in terms of love.  How quick is TOO quick when it comes to saying, "Bye Bye" and moving on??

Professionally, we're trained not to leave a job until we have a new one or risk damaging our careers... but, personally,of course that's a big 'no-no.'  I'm not going to hit on affairs & cheating - that's not the point of this blog post.  So, you 'do it right' (3) and end the relationship.  But, it's not like we immediately bounce back like a rubber-band into our 'pre-relationship' form.  No - we often have hurts & baggage to deal with... and even if you could convince me that it was the world's most amicable parting?  No baggage, no blame, all sunshine, roses & lollipops?  YOU have still changed - I mean, life shifts throughout the course of a relationship:  often who you socialize with, how you spend your time, preferences, etc... you're just not the same 'you' that you were before because as we grow, we change.  So, it stands to reason that it might make sense to take some time before you get back out there.

But how much time?  And to do what?  Having gone through a breakup last quarter, I obviously have recently looked to the 'experts' for advice on this very subject.  The one thing they all said in common? "Yes, take time."  Generally speaking, it's considered a good rule of thumb that relationships lasting more than six months will require some amount of "recovery" time because of the impression they leave on our lives.  The men I read offering advice were of two extremes:  about half said, "Get back out there in 30 days."  The other half said you take HALF as long as the relationship lasted.  (4)  That felt too long to me.  The women I asked? Talked in terms of YEARS to get to 'know myself' - holy cow; I turned single again, I didn't completely transform into a totally new person.  Small shifts? Yes.  a "Whole New Me?" No.   In the end, I decided that the amount of time that was appropriate was however long it was to successfully work through the following activities - because pretty much EVERYONE said this is what you do post breakup:

• What can I do now that I couldn't do before?  (AND DO IT)
• What are the things I no longer have to do?  (IF THEY DON'T IMPROVE YOUR LIFE? DITCH THEM)
• What do I have that I didn't have before? (FOCUS ON APPRECIATING THE POSITIVES - I think it's unhealthy to believe there's NOTHING good that comes from relationships we engage in - that's rarely ever really the case)
• What can I finally let go of?   (AND THAT MEANS REALLY LET GO - *This one's the real time-suck, I think)
• How can I be different now, in a positive way?  (SPEND GOOD TIME ON THIS; IT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE)

For some people, that probably won't take more than a couple of weeks; and I think a lot of it depends on the personality you have & who you were in the relationship.  Personally, I tend to be the 'acts of service' and 'pleaser' in the relationship - meaning I can flex a lot of my world in an effort to create harmony & I like doing things that maybe I wouldn't even personally otherwise to show I care/make my partner happy.  So, in longer relationships, that may make working through that list take a little longer than the guy or gal that has more of the "take me as I am," "you fit into my life because what you see is what you're gonna get" person.  Neither are bad; they're just different & will require different amounts of time to properly move on.

There's one last litmus stick, I think.  This really cool article in the Times is what made me think of it.  Getting back out there?  It's a lot like Getting Naked... there's a vulnerability to it that makes us nervous.  Like stepping out at the public pool in  your bathing suit; or yes, going to bed for the first time with your new partner.  Reading the title of that article really snapped things into perspective for me - when I was comfortable 'stripping down' to the level of vulnerability required to 'get into the pool?'  I was ready to date - this time? It took just shy of two months.  But, there was a time it took a year.  Maybe my friend & her ex-husband were able to do the same during the process of their divorce - I don't know.  Everybody, every relationship is different.  And, as Judith Sills says in her article on "Getting Naked" - getting back out there?  ISN'T a requirement - some people? Are happy saying "Bye, Bye" to Romantic Relationships Permanently.  And I think that's okay, too...as long as it's true to who you are. But that?  Is another story for another day... ;)

1. This isn't a political thing, just really sat well with me. 
2. I'm thinking she means if you expect it'll be easy, then it's a recipe for disaster. 
3. Which sounds so wrong
4. In my case, I remember thinking, "Nearly six months?! Are you kidding me?"

The Beautiful People

At the pool yesterday, I was laughing with my neighbor about "the beautiful people" and their preferences when it comes to dating.  I'm seriously impressed by the self-confidence; as well as a little mystified by some of the expectations, that come along with beauty.  Did you know there's a dating site just for Beautiful People?  A few years ago in Dallas, the 'Beautiful People' had "The Beautiful Room" - where if you were a guy willing to shell out some $$$?  You could hang out with women that had been voted in as beautiful (and also pd $$) based off of skimpy photos... and meet-up around Dallas to drink/have drunken photo shoots.  The thought process with both aforementioned organizations is that 'beautiful people' wanted to be around 'beautiful people.'  I only knew a couple members - the girl wasn't beautiful, in my opinion.. but she was a drug-addict.  Seemed an expensive price-tag to pay to be surrounded by a very superficial, fleeting version of beauty.  In my own dating life I've noticed a major uptick in the number of strangers (2) who see fit to address me as "gorgeous," "beautiful," and/or "sexy." (3)  In dating, I think this trend to the Beautiful is a) nothing new and b) basically Social Darwinism.  I guess the truth is that people want to be around beauty... whatever we each consider that to be.

Moving on, recently I was talking in a Recruiting Chat about how so many people these days are misguidedly sending in photo resumes... do they do this in an effort to connect?  Do they think they're among the "Beautiful People" & think Hiring Managers will think so, too?? While studies show that if you are indeed attractive, you're more likely to be hired... Hiring Managers I talk to?  HATE. THIS.  Personally?  I just might be pretending like your resume never hit my desk to avoid a the potential of a discrimination suit, thanks.  In a #TChat on diversity, I had a side-conversation via direct message regarding how being Beautiful seems to get one a leg up when applying for Sales roles... It's definitely a different slant on diversity hiring.. eek!  Shoot, in some of the employment agreements I've seen? (1)  Appearance standards for hair, paws, claws, and makeup were written into the agreement.

It's the Beautiful People They Want... 

The Beautiful People They Love...

In truth, I think we all know it's a stereotyping of sorts.  Social Psychologists have noted this effect as "what is beautiful is good" - it runs along the same lines as the "halo effect." Basically, it's this:  We believe that those are good looking are good in other areas - career, virtue, cooking, whatever... we impress upon them characteristics we desire in ourselves and want them to have.  We form an impression that they're good, happy, BETTER based off the level of their attractiveness.  On the positive side, this can be something of a self-fulfilling prophesy; if we think someone is good, smart, and has a great personality - ya know, the INNER beauty... we treat them differently.  We naturally expect they'll live up to our expectations and so, well... they do.  #Winning!  ... Right????

This social bias towards the beautiful will help you get ahead in your career, too... if you're considered to be among them!  I read an article recently where I learned that for every added inch of height, employees can earn an additional $789/yr. See Friends?  I told you those 5" heels would help me get ahead in my career... ha!  Incidentally, I also learned that it wasn't male interviewers that tend to foster 'beautiful biases' in hiring.. it's actually women.  As a gender, we're guilty of being more apt to give favorable packages to those that could be considered 'eye candy.'  ;)  (4)  Conversely, hiring managers of the male gender tended to give out more 'low-status' job packages overall & only had an emotional response when giving an attractive woman a lower-status package.  Wonder why that is??  Whatever the reason, does this mean I should hope a woman interviews me if I ever need to interview again??

All of the beautiful people...Shining like diamonds
They got no problems...

Yes, being beautiful can have some fantastic perks in the workplace - make more money, advance faster  in their careers, and people go out of their way to help those they find attractive.  (5)  So, where does that leave those that are decidedly less than "glamazonic?"  Not out in the cold, fortunately.  The truth is that the same study found that "business legends" were of 'average height' and deemed 'average looking' & almost anyone can "improve their attractiveness" through the asserting confidence, maintaining eye contact, listen well, and my personal favorite?  Dress well.  Yes, I DO see this as yet another excuse to go shopping for cute new shoes from White House Black Market... that will add another $3k or so to my annual earnings. ;) (6)

Those? Are some Beautiful Shoes!!

(1) NOT the ones I've consulted on/helped draft, btw
(2) Read:  strange men I don't know
(3) Lest you people think I'm totally stuck-up? -I- do not consider myself to be among the ranks of "The Beautiful People" from an appearance standpoint.  Don't get me wrong, I know I'm cute; but I'm not a glamazon. :p
(4)  Read about the Study  This study is the first application of EDR to examine the influential role of beauty, status and sex during job negotiations. “From a business point-of-view, there is a need for leaders/managers to be aware of their assumptions in decision-making processes, be they strategic or operational, and that they may be prone to emotion and bias,” say the authors.  From http://www.blackwellpublishing.com
(5) up to 18% more than those people deemed "Plain" - Thank you CNN
(6) What? I love White House Black Market!  For 6 more ways to capitalize on "the Beauty Premium?"  Read This