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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Dating & Arbor Day

I've personally never been one to really want to rush a relationship. Actually, the term "Commitment Phobic" might be a better phrase to describe my approach to relationships. For the last several years, I've been known to break out in hives and run the opposite direction when the terms "girlfriend" or "serious" were tossed out. Within weeks, I'd find a reason (1) to end things, a la Seinfeld... some silly obscure flaw or mental machination that justified saying:


So, imagine my utter confusion when I hear of friends or acquantainces rushing headfirst into major commitments and life-altering relationship statuses. It almost seems like it's some kind of a fad right now to 'take the plunge' after only being together a few short months. (3) Personally? I think it's kinda nuts; but to each their own, I guess. Pretty sure it's not going to be helping the divorce rate and associated statistics 10 years from now. On a semi-related vein, my ex-husband recently remarried. I really like the lady that's now my children's step-mother - thank goodness - but it was a really short courtship that initially gave me pause (4). I guess time will tell whether it was a hasty decision or not - but for now? They seem happy. A couple of friends of mine have gone through tumultuous divorces after whirlwind romances of under six months led them to marriage and subsquently divorce court within 13 months after saying "I Do."

Anyway, was talking about this with the guy that I've been dating over the last couple of months; because it IS kind of dumbfounding to me. He made what at first seemed like a pretty off-the-wall comment, "Need to see how they act on Arbor Day before you say 'I Do'." (5) Basically, the point is that there's wisdom in waiting at least a full year before making a life-long commitment to another person. I totally agree with this and could potentially see adding another year or few to that equation as being generally wise. Obviously, every situation is different... but, I do believe overall slow and steady wins the race... away from divorce court. When you think about it, everyone's on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. This is why I say it takes crazy at least a full three months to come out and play. Why lock yourself down before that?? So, Arbor Day... have you experienced it in your dating relationship yet? :)

(1) Or Thirty
(2) In reality, it really has been ME.. but, what fun is there in admitting that? Much better to potentially emotionally scar the other party by blaming them, right??? :p

(3) "a few short months" was intentional phrasing. Stacking up against the promise you make of 'forever' when you marry? Months are SHORT.

(4) Obviously, I want to see my ex- happy; but the pause was for the kids. Clearly, as a parent? I want to see their lives as stable and happy as possible! :) And when your kids say, "Dad's getting married because he wants to see where the relationship can go and this is the only way to do it?" Um... initial red flags. Fortunately, they weren't quite relaying the WHOLE story.. he really loves her, too. ;)

(5) Or something to that effect. Anyway, I knew there was a reason or few why I like him. ;)

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