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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Knock, Knock, Knockin' on Heaven's Door....

I know I'm about to have fun writing when I'm actually writing the blog, in my head, in my sleep. Woke up thinking of the title; which was about 4 hours AFTER I had been woken up by THIS:

I'm sorry; didn't I just recently write that I hate getting this kind of stuff?? Isn't pretty much the whole world making fun of that Weiner guy for more or less the same thing?? Ugh... Less. Than. Amused. First of all, I have no idea why this picture was sent to me; I hadn't even responded to the last 4 texts this guy had sent. Secondly, the guy that sent it? I haven't even met yet! He's just a guy that had the misfortune (1) of popping up right after my last relationship ended. Told him I wasn't ready to date and that while I appreciated his interest & he seemed like a nice guy, he shouldn't wait around on me... it'd be at least a couple of more weeks before I was open to meeting someone new and the back & forth banter just wasn't something I was up to at that time. He told me he'd give me a couple weeks and then I should call him (2) - well, that's cool of him. Told him we could talk; but, as FRIENDS for now. Friendly banter, that's it... He said no problem.

Except, evidently, it was. He kept sending flirty (3) texts; I kept pointedly ignoring the flirts.. and then started ignoring his texts all together. My problem with them, with him, is that it was disrespectful. Instead of having the texts taper off or righting the subject matter; he just started texting more frequently, with later hours. 2am? Unless I'm dating you, you're a good friend, or there's an emergency? Is NOT an appropriate hour to try to strike up a conversation... I'll actually go so far as to say probably not after midnight, period. I'm pretty open with people that I leave my phone on when my kids aren't with me; because I HAVE gotten the 'middle-of-the-night' call from the kids. And I have to be there for that; I'm their Mom. It's part of the gig.

Anyway, as I was falling back to sleep; I couldn't help but making the correlation once again between trying to get a date & trying to get a job. Think about the process for a second...

Applying for a Job
1. You send in an application
2. You hear back from the Company

Trying to Date Someone
1. You ask for a phone #/send a message
2. You get the #/get a return message

Initial Interest Has Been Established - the 'Hard Skills Requirements' have been met

3. You send in a clean copy of your resume
4. You have a phone screen w/ the recruiter
5. You're set up for an interview

3. You exchange initial texts/fb pages
4. You talk on the phone
5. You're set up for a 1st meeting

The Point of The 1st Meeting is to Check for Initial "Soft-Skills" Compatibility

If that goes well?
6a. Second-Round Interviews are set up
6a. You get a 2nd meeting - an actual 'date'

If it doesn't?
6b. 'thank-you, no-thank you' letter or call
6b. 'we're not a fit' convo call/email

Back to the "It Went Well" Track

7. More Interviews, Meet the Team
8. Offer is formulated & extended
9a. Offer is accepted/New Employee
9b. Offer is rejected/ back to looking

7. More dates, calls, & Meet the Friends
8. Exclusively Dating Discussion
9a. Offer accepted/Relationship continues
9b. Offer rejected/ back to looking

Over-eagerness at the wrong stages? Doesn't serve well with either job hunting OR dating. Just like with dating, you want an employer to know you're interested, but not NEEDY. People want to pursue that which they don't believe is needed but wanted. If you 'need' them too soon? Chances are they won't 'want' you. Too much contact; especially if not returned? Is a turn-off for both. There's something to be said for playing it a LITTLE cool at first; intensity comes a little easier with time. After an interview or a date, there's something to be said for that next-day contact... a quick email, text (5), or phone call that says, "I appreciate the time we spent together; I'm interested in what I learned and look forward to moving to the next step in this process" is good. Telling an employer that you have already updated your LinkedIn profile or your 'Relationship Status' to "dating" on FB to the new guy/gal in your life? Probably going a bit too far...

Yes, there's something to be said for the person that is confident enough in who they are and what they can be to BE PATIENT and enjoy the process to make sure their next move? Is the right move for their career or relationship. And for the ones that can't?? They get that 'next' move made for them... that lands them squarely "Back to Looking."

(1) his misfortune is looking like a stroke of good fortune for me, as he's pretty much continually disrespected what I've asked for in the last week or two.
(2) actually, he said more than that; which you can see in blog post "Listen! Bruised, But Not Broken" - I have a habit of using song titles for blog titles - that one is "Listen!" by Beyonce (was on TV when I was writing it) & "Bruised But Not Broken" by Joss Stone
(3) Flirty is actually being kind; inappropriate would have been a better word-choice, perhaps.
(4) Which I'm assuming was the case with this guy
(5) if you're dating; don't text a potential employer, IMO

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