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Saturday, March 31, 2007

Myspace Migration: Hit You On The Rebound

So, would like to talk a little/vent a little about being the "rebound chick." Lately, I've had a few guys that I've gone out with - we stopped - life moves on. They drop off the radar screen because, let's face it - I'm the girl that it's fun to go out with. Let's hit the town, have a little fun - stay in, have great conversation - go adventure dining... I'm a good girl to know, because once I know you we'll always have a good time. But, the reality is, I'm really hard to nail down as far as a relationship goes. My life is hectic, I don't do dates during the week because of my kids (with rare exception), and a romantic relationship is a distant fourth on my list of priorities. So, eventually, many guys want more than I'm capable/willing to give and so we part as friends. I'm cool with that. Knowing your own limitations and being willing to not limit others by them is a good thing, I think. It's also the majority reason of why I pulled myself out of the dating game a while back.

I'm happy when we touch base later down the road and I hear they have a girlfriend. I think that's great - it's the way life is supposed to go. And I genuinely want the guys that I go out with to find the happiness they're looking for - which is why I often stop dating them when it's evident it's not going to be with me. What I'm kind of questioning, though, is do guys think it's some kind of compliment to immediately call me right after they broke up with whoever that is?? Is it? Did I miss that memo somewhere?

There's been a pandemic of this lately - at least, in my little world. So, I decided to really look further into "rebound relationships." Maybe I was mistaken in my negative outlook on them. So, I looked them up. Here's the definition I found:

Defining a Rebound Relationship:
A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break – up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound relationship before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a "rebound relationship.

Rebound Relationships Serve a Purpose:
A rebound relationship is a distraction. It is a connection to another person that keeps us from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our resent break – up. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives. Many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone. It's a quick fix, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a a lot more fun that dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart.

Ok, I can see why that would attractive for THEM. But, can you see why it wouldn't so much be attractive to ME? I was talking to a married friend of mine not too long ago, and we were discussing single people having affairs with married people. I don't see the point: what does the single person gain from it? It's an unbalanced relationship. I guess I kind of see rebound relationships the same way. It feels much like, "Now that I have nothing going on, I need someone to occupy my time... I don't want to be alone, so I'm calling YOU." As much as I'd like to see it through the paradigm of "Hey, she's really cool, I'd like to see her again..." - that just doesn't really ring true - all the reasons that it didn't work out with those guys the first time are still there. And, since I'm now 'relationship girl' - I can't say I really have any interest in being the chick some guy uses to help him get over the last chick he was with. Hmmm... nope, can't think of why that doesn't sound attractive....
Am I off base????

*Before I get myself in trouble, I should say there is one guy who's going to read this and THINK it applies to him ... but, it doesn't. We're friends, I know we're friends and this isn't about you. :

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Myspace Migration: Because I SAID So...

Current mood:contemplative
We all grew up with that; it was the ultimate "Mommy Trump Card." Why can't I (fill in the blank)? Because I said so. Why do I have to (fill in the blank)? Because I said so. That's not true! Yes, it is.. Because I said so!

It's a great argument that annoyed the spit out of me as a kid; but, I was really looking forward to using it as a parent myself. I think that it's only fair, given the fact that it was used 5 million times on me. So, you can imagine my dismay when I tried to use it on my children this evening when I was gardening. - By the way, I planted a really awesome flower garden this evening and the kids wanted to help. So, I let them help a little, but they were getting in way over their head.. and mine. As such, I told them I appreciated all they did to help, but it was time to go inside. Instead of saying "Yes, ma'am" like the great, polite, obedient children I've raised them to be; I got, "But I don't want to. Why do I have to go in?"
Ah-ha! The time had come to use the ultimate trump card!! "Because it's late, and because I said so." I said it with delicious, deliberate slowness ... savoring each word. I had triumphed; the tables had turned, etc. You know what my snot-nosed little children did? They didn't exercise the lessons in obedience that they were painstakingly taught over the years. Oh, no! They decided now was the time to show the lessons in "free-thinking" and "deep thought" and showed a little bit of obstinence, to be frank. "Mom, 'Because I said so' isn't really a reason. That doesn't make sense."

Darn, my trump card was trumped! "You're right. It doesn't really make sense. But, since I am the Alpha and Omega of this household, next to God... you've got to do it. Because I said so. That's what that means. It means, 'I either have reasons that you won't understand, I can't explain, or just flat don't feel like getting into at the moment.' So, rather than saying all that, I say 'Because I said so.' And because I said that, you do it. Saavy?" At that point, my kids knew it was time to go inside. And they did. But wasn't there a point when that card could be played without explination? I don't remember challenging my parents on that ... at least, not until I was a teenager. And then it's just expected.
Are our kids getting older faster, or is it just me?

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Myspace Migration: Burdening Our Beauty Queens

Current mood:complacent
So, we have a new reigning Miss USA. Miss Smith, Miss Tennessee... whatever you want to call her, she's now Miss USA. I have to admit, I completely missed the pageant. Suprising, as it was number one on my list of ever-growing priorities. Even still, I really had nothing to worry about - it was front page news this morning. Well, sort-of.

Really, the fact that we have a new Miss USA was more of the back door entrance to being able to -once again- slam the former Miss USA's (Tara Conner) lack of virtues. Maybe I'm getting lax in the area of social responsibility as I'm aging.... but, I just have to wonder, "Who Cares?" This woman was lauded for something that she had very little to do with herself - her beauty. She was born beautiful and because we're a society who places a large importance on physical appearance, there's a forum to allow her to be celebrated for it. I don't begrudge her that for a minute - but, I'm a little lost at how we think being beautiful on the outside is somehow supposed to translate into a higher redeeming value. Remember the phrase, "Beauty is only skin deep?"

She's not a role model - at least, I don't think she is. I'm not teaching my children to look up to her, or any other beauty queen. I'm not knocking beauty pageants... I realize that there's redeeming value for the participants. However, I'm not sure it's healthy to place them in a "role model" light - for anyone. I don't want to teach my children that just by virtue of being beautiful, you're better. You're not. Tara Conner, Rachel Smith - they were BORN with their "talent" of being beautiful. They had nothing to do with their cheekbones being the way they are, or the size or shape of their eyes. Beyond lots of time in the gym, good dieting, and perhaps a plastic surgeon... it was really just a genetic lottery that they won. Why would I teach my children to look up to that? Aspire to that?
And when did beauty translate into values? I'm going to go back to that, because I can't help but wonder if we're burdening our beauty queens by laying on value codes that may not be their own. Why would be shocked if we crowned a Miss USA who ended up being an alcoholic or a drug user? Why would we blink an eye if they ended up selling/posing for racy photos - I mean, after all.. they're just showing off that beautiful body that we've already awarded her for, right? Is it somehow less beautiful oiled up and put in a scene with 2 goat-herders, a skimpy Heidi outfit and a goat doing the yodel-eh-he-hoo than it was in the bathingsuit, oiled up and walking across stage? They won for their body, but they can only use their body in ways we find appropriate. Hmmm...

There is no danger of me ever becoming a beauty queen. I highly doubt that it will ever be something my children would be interested in, or really suited for. And I'm grateful for that. This whole thing seems slightly hypocritical to me. What do you think?

Friday, March 23, 2007

Myspace Migration: This Completely Cracked Me Up

I'm on vacation; I should still be asleep... but, I'm not, so...What are your thoughts?? Personally, I have to agree with the overwhelming sentiment that these people should have better things to do than worry about a message board:
From an AP article yesterday on how online anonymity encourages mean comments:
When a California woman recently gave birth to a healthy baby just two days after learning she was pregnant, the sudden change to her life was challenging enough. What April Branum definitely didn't need was a deluge of nasty internet comments.
Postings on message boards made cracks about Branum's weight (about 400 pounds - one reason she says she didn't realize sooner she was pregnant.) They also analyzed her housekeeping ability, based on a photo of her home. And they called her names. "A pig is a pig," one person wrote. Another suggested that she "go on the show The Biggest Loser."

"The thing that bothered me the most was people assumed because I'm overweight, I'm going to be a bad mom," Branum says. "And that is not one little bit true."
The article goes on to discuss how if people had to attach their true identities to their message board postings, they'd be much more likely to self-edit and hold back the vitriol. Um, it's news that people will be nastier if they know they can't be caught? I mean, weren't slambooks and bathroom walls around for years prior to our being able to hurl anonymous insults electronically? How is this a new phenomenon?
Regardless, this part of the story isn't what interests me.

What interests me are Branum's own comments and I can't help but play devil's advocate here. (Maybe that's because I'm a jerk, but at least I'm a jerk writing under her own name.) Anyway, as a caveat, I'm not going to mock her weight because I'm no size six myself. Although I'm in the middle of a diet, it sucks and I hate every minute of it and were I not contractually obligated, I'd hop on the nearest cake first chance I got. The last thing I'm going to do is speculate on her relationship with pie.

I'm also not going to judge based on whether or not she vacuumed or tidied when said photo was shot. Personally, regardless of my own obsession with all things sparkling clean, there are still days Adult Protective Services could legitimately be called on my behalf.

I'm not even going to wonder how anyone could possibly carry baby around full-term without noticing, even though it seems like getting kicked from the inside might eventually throw up a red flag. (Which probably bodes well for this kid when in sixteen to eighteen years he comes home and has to try to mask the smell of root beer schnapps on his breath. "We were drinking Barq's, Mom, I swear!")
What gets me is that Branum and her fiance are up in arms because they haven't liked what anonymous readers have said about them on the internet and they want the newspaper of record to remove the offensive comments from their message board.
BTW, this is where my head kind of explodes.

Our Constitution allows us the right to free speech in this country; it does not guarantee us the right not to be offended. If this couple doesn't like the things others have written about them - anonymous or otherwise - then perhaps they shouldn't go looking for them, particularly since these comments aren't on a website they own or maintain.

Seems like with an unexpected newborn this couple should have other priorities right now. And thus, my thesis statement - if you're a new mom and you and your partner spend all your time monitoring what people say about your parenting skills, aren't you ipso facto proving the naysayers right?

What do you guys think? Do these parents have a right to demand the negative comments be pulled? Have 'teh internets' gotten too mean? Are you more likely to stir some shit up if you think you won't be found out? Do you want to kick a lung out of this lady for not knowing about the baby and thus soliciting proper prenatal care? Or are you just delighting in the fact you can't see Lindsay Lohan's box in the above photo? Discuss

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Myspace Migration: Reincarnations

Current mood:sore
re·in·car·na·tion (re'in-kär-na'sh?n) ..BOF_HEAD-->n. ..EOF_HEAD--> ..BOF_DEF-->
Rebirth of the soul in another body.
A reappearance or revitalization in another form; a new embodiment: "The brownstone had already endured one reincarnation: In the 1940's, it was converted into eight studio apartments" (Ben Lloyd)

Born Again. A Second Chance for a First Impression. A New Day to Live Again... A Clean Slate. We've all wished for it at one time or another in our lives, haven't we? I know I have. I was thinking about that yesterday as I was walking through my little park in Plano (1) . I ran into - well, more like walked past - this guy I had gone out with a few months ago. He lives back in that area and I was walking through the neighborhood looking at how people were doing their landscaping (2). I had never actually seen his house - I just knew he lived back there; along with a couple of other people I know. But, there he was. And it struck me, he had succeeded in the only goal he ever told me he had: to reincarnate. He wanted a life so different from the one he had when he was married: fast cars, loose women, a lot of debt, no time to slow down, lots of club and even more booze - family was an accessory, not a lifestyle and he really didn't have any pride in anything. Not even himself.
I admit I raised an eyebrow at him, as we ate our salads, when he said that. I was always taught a tiger doesn't change his stripes and leopards secretly love their spots. As he told me his tale, I understood why he wanted to change it - he spoke of realizing that his life had no meaning and he wasn't even enjoying it. I could go on, but there's really no point. We went our seperate ways and that was that. Haven't thought of him again until I saw him outside yesterday... guess what he was doing? Mowing his lawn. And he looked happy doing it. Good for him... maybe he got his reincarnation thing down, after all.

So, it got me thinking. Maybe I don't want a complete "reincarnation" - but a revitalization of sorts wouldn't be bad! What would I change? I racked my brain for a bit and realized that everything I'd change, I'm working on changing already. And truly, there's not a whole lot in my life I really WANT changed. A relationship would be ok; except I'm not really in the mood to build one.. I kind of want it to just "BE." Like fast-forward to the point that it was established and running... since it doesn't really work that way, I guess I'll just press as is until such time that there's a catalyst to make me want to build one, lol.

There was a time I wanted desperately to reincarnate. Seriously, just pick everything up and start over. I know that's a common desire in life - at one point or another. One of my friends was talking about this woman he knew from high school. She's miserable, hates her life, made a million wrong moves and wants to be anybody but her. I don't know that I was there, but there was a point that I wasn't too far from it. The difference between that woman and I? I actually did it - I looked at where I was, vs. where I wanted to be at 30 and saw there was no way I could get to where I wanted to be from where I was. So, I made a plan and put it into action. Not sure if I'll make it there or not, but I'll be damn close. It's like Les Brown says, "Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll still end up in the stars." All it takes is a plan and a good trigger finger.

The above wasn't written for you to give me kudos on the good things I've done or the stuff I'm trying to change. What interests me is that for every person like me (and there are a lot), there are many more who WANT it but won't take steps to take it. What is it that stops them? The planning or the execution?

Is there something in your life that you want to change, but don't know how? Have you "reincarnated;" have you wanted to? Divorce, for many of us, brings about a reincarnation of sorts. We're able to start over (3) - given a chance to write a new chapter in our life that more closely embodies who we are now or who we want to be. New jobs are like that, too; I remember my company President, Jeff Kaye, saying this to us on our first day: "Today starts a fresh start in your life. You can show us who you want to be, rather than who you have been, and that will be who you are. If there's something you've wanted to change, today is the day that you've been given the chance to change it." That really resonated with me, but I really have no idea why, other than as I was walking by that man yesterday, I wondered when the day was that he actually implemented his desire to reincarnate... when was the day he took his chance to change it?

I'm glad he did, though. He looked happy mowing his lawn. I'm glad I've taken the chances that I've taken, too... I hope I keep taking them as they present themselves!

(1) Actually, it's not MY park in the sense that I OWN it; I simply deem it mine as I like going there pretty much every weekend. It's Communications Park in Plano between Spring Creek and Parker off Communications. Come to think of it, it may not actually even be called "Communications Park" - I think that's just what I call it because that's the street it's on?
(2) "Rat in a Cage" was running through my head as I was making that loop for the I don't know how many-th time - so I decided to expand my route; checking out lawnscape was really just the justification for expansion. I like looking at houses and landscapes, though.
(3) by either our own volition, or by means of being thrust upon us.