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Friday, September 1, 2006

Myspace Migration: How to Know Someone's Not Interested & Other Misc. Thoughts

Current mood:contemplative
It's funny how much of an issue this is with people. Heck, they've even wrote books about how to tell when your romantic interest isn't interested back (not a bad book, by the way.. bought it awhile back for a friend who really NEEDED to read it.. but, of course, the people who need something the most are the ones that aren't interested, right?).Why is this such a problem? Seems to me, there are some pretty hard and fast indicators you can look to. Does he/she:

1. Ever instigate the phone calls? If you're always the one calling, chances are - they're just not into you. There are limited exceptions to this, of course - but, in reality, you should see a balanced mix of who's contacting who.

2. Make time for you? Or, can you can never seem to get your schedules in synch? The truth of the matter is, we make time for our priorities. And, if someone's interested in you - at some point - you become a priority to see. If you're not - or you only are after 10pm - well... that doesn't bode well.

3. The Warm, Fuzzy Factor. This may be a chick thing, but I'm a firm believer in the warm, fuzzies. When you like someone, you give off warm fuzzies - and when they like you, you get them back. That could be the excited tone when you call/pick up the phone, "the look" when you're together, or even just hugs. But, we all KNOW what the warm, fuzzies are.. if you consistently don't get them, chances are it's time to move on.

4. Waffling. As I've said, I detest waffling. Part of the reason is I truly believe it's a sign of disinterest. If someone can't make up their mind around you, it could be that they really don't WANT to be around you. Look at the rest of their life for a clue here: if they're decisive in the rest of their life, but not with you - it's probably a sign.

There's more, but I'm needing to straighten my hair and I can't think of them at the moment. Feel free to add to - I'm sure you're wondering what brought this up? Well, I've got this gal pal who's recently started seeing someone. I think she likes him (not quite sure why, but to each their own, right?) - but, it seems pretty obvious that he's not into her. She has to set up all their meetings, she initiates all contact, she seems much more concerned about him than he is about her. And I.Just.Don't.Get.It. She's really sweet, very smart and if you're into girls, she's pretty attractive. So, how can she not see it? Why does she stick around when there's such a vast ocean of potential partners to choose from?

I've noticed this a time or two in my own dating career. When I'm too busy for a guy, he's really interested. But, once the "chase" is won, there's been a time or two when there's been a serious cool-off. So, maybe it's the chase? Or do people just like being treated poorly? Are we conditioned for that? Something to ruminate on, I guess.... More later!

Just needed to take a moment to say I LOOOOVE my job... my job rocks. There's just really nothing quite as thrilling as making a connection, negotiating a deal - putting it together. It's a rush... and I'm loving it! :)

Ok, my stylist (whom I just got done seeing and ADORE - Thank You Shelby for the miracles you constantly perform on my hair!) told me this had to go in the book, so I'm entering it in for posterity before I forget again:

Dating and the Single Dad
There are two kinds of single fathers: the kind that let you get to know them, and the kind that let you get to know that they're a SINGLE DAD. What I mean by that, is that it seems like they rope their kids into the deal, practically from the get-go. Love me, love my kids kind of thing. Which, in theory, is cool - I mean, at some point, you need to like his kids. But, not from day 1. It's really not one and the same.

So, there was this guy that I dated (briefly) who was a "SINGLE DAD" kind of guy. I met him at my office building: he was suave, very charismatic and seriously made me catch my breath the first time I saw him. And not just because he was attractive, but because he was commanding and that just does it for me. Anyway, we got to talking while we were walking in and then decided to grab a cup of coffee (thank the Good Lord I don't have to be in my office at any set time!). We quickly made plans to grab lunch and lunch soon became dinner at his place the next day. Why? He had his kids.

Normally, that's my cue to say, "Well, let's schedule for a time when you don't." I'm not big on getting to know the kids straight off, because I typically fall in love with kids and what happens when you stop dating? For the same kind of reason, I don't let people get involved with my children. It's too confusing when you break up. But, I digress.. for whatever reason, I said, "Sure." And Pandora's box was opened.

This guy spent the next month proving to me that he was, in fact, Super Dad! Everything we did revolved around the kids.. I got to see parenting at what I thought was it's finest. But, the more I got to know him, the more I saw that was really the personna he was projecting. Every conversation, every thought revolved around the kids. And, that's just not realistic. I'd ask him a question about something that happened at his office and he'd launch into how Anna had problems with her math teacher that day. I'd try to tell him about a situation in my day and he'd interrupt and tell me how Sarah (his little one) had a similar situation at preschool. Um, it's really not the same thing when you're negotiating a quarter-of-a-million dollar contract and when you're fighting over a toy. There IS a distinct difference. And forget alone time; we were either with his kids or I had mine and so I couldn't HAVE alone time with him - so, it basically felt like I was a plug-and-play extension of his family.

Finally, I had had enough. I didn't want a relationship with his children, I wanted to see if I wanted a relationship with HIM. And it became obvious I wasn't going to get that. I had journaled about it on my blog (not this one, another one); which I knew he read, but was past the point of caring. I spoke of the relationship in the past tense and basically vented my disappointment over how things had turned out. Would you believe that goober sent me a message saying, "I'm so glad you ditched that guy and we met - he sounded like a real idiot!"

I didn't have the heart to tell him he was, in fact, the "idiot" (as he called himself) that I had been talking about. I wonder if he figured it out when I never went out with him again?

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