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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Myspace Migration: Buying Signs

Next topic on the list! :) From last week:
So, I had a date last Friday. No big news there; I go out fairly regularly ... I'm single, right?? LOL Anyway, as I'm sitting in a REALLY comfy chair sipping on my coffee; I concede my mind drifts from the conversation at hand to buying signs (1).
When we're making a major purchase, there's typically a dedicated salesman/woman involved. Why? Because they're needing to analyze the transaction and our actions for "buying signs." Little tells to show we're hooked, we're interested. In reality, you can find these little signals in pretty much every interaction between people. For me, I look for a few constants:

1) body language - mirroring and matching is a pretty natural tell. If you're comfortable in a situation, and enjoying yourself, you will naturally mirror (or match) the body language of the person you're interacting with. So, if I'm kicked back and my date is sitting up straight with their arms crossed - bad sign. However, if he's leaned back and I'm relaxed - good sign - there's mirroring there.

2) ease of conversation - when you're enjoying yourself, conversation tends to flow. If you're having to constantly keep the conversation from straining or are fervently trying to carry one along, that's a signal that one or both of you aren't buying.

3) "Personal Space" - I forget what psychologist talked about 18 inches of personal space, but a major buying sign is when that 18 inches ISN'T observed. Now, this doesn't mean they have to be all up in your face; quite the contrary. What it does mean is that the 18 inches of personal space reserved for casual acquaintances/strangers is no longer observed. That 18 inches creates a ring of privacy during interactions with those whom we are not intimate with. So, to ignore that space and get a little closer is usually a good buying sign.

4) Lingering. Let's face it, if you're having a good time.... you don't really want it to end. So, if you're with someone who can't wait to get the heck out of the car (or can't wait for you to); chances are they're just not that into you. Personally, I look to see if a date lingers when it's time to go.

Now, in his case, I was thinking about the buying signs between dates. If you've ever read the 5 Love Languages, what I'm about to say will make all kinds of sense. If you haven't, you should. It's a fantastic book. Anyway, I'm a Quality Time girl with a secondary language of Words of Affirmation. For me, Conversation hits both my primary and secondary languages. If you're taking the time to call me, I'm pretty happy because that does count as quality time for me and it's conversation. But, (maybe this is high maintainence), if I haven't heard from you in three or four days I'm probably going to question your interest. I won't be mad, I won't gripe... but, in the back of my mind I'm probably going to be wondering what's up. Why? Because calling is a buying sign... and not calling is an absence of one. Let's face it; if you were interested, you're going to WANT to talk to me... and we make time for what's important to us, right??? Even if it's a "How are you?" text message - it shows you care... thus, a buying sign.

I don't know if everyone thinks that way, but I do - and I was thinking about it, so I thought I'd share. I'm at the point in my life where if I don't see buying signs, I just don't waste my time. :)

(1) Ok, maybe "drift" isn't the right wording. More like my mind SPLIT - I was listening to him and present in the conversation, but I was also thinking about buying signs... and how I really need to replace my nails with a new set... no more fills

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