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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Breathing through my New..ish "Now Normal" #TR30Days

"Blog Excerpt:  New Normal

I showered with my eyes closed today.

It required a bit of discipline, but I was able to maneuver myself through my 15 minute suds fest without peeking once. As I clumsily felt around for my Victoria's Secret body wash, feeling like an idiot, I realized that it really wasn't that difficult to scrub-a-dub-dub without the advantage of vision. My senses became heightened. Little eyeballs popped up on each fingertip. I became aware of the sound of the pounding water that I normally tune out, almost as if I could hear each individual drop hitting the tub in a melodious succession. I thought to myself, "I could do this."

I am at peace.

It has taken almost a year, but I am completely at ease with my disease. I have finally reached the Acceptance stage in my grieving process and have learned to adapt mentally and physically. I don't run into things anymore; now I remember to look left and right and up and down before I move anywhere. I laugh at myself when I can't find my cell phone and then realize that it's right in front of me. I don't feel a surge of pain wash over me whenever I hear the word blind. I cheerfully mount the bus each day along with illegal immigrants and homeless men and say hello to them. I look forward to the day I am a mother, instead of dreading not knowing what my children will grow up to look like.

My faith is my medicine.

As life chips away at us, we learn how to evolve and how to expect a different normalcy than what we are accustomed to. What starts out as an inconvenience or a disability can morph into the norm, if we will let it.  I encourage you to yank yourself out of your comfort zone this week and strive to create a new normal, even if it's just for a day. " ~ Laura Lawson (1)

I shared that because I've been thinking a lot about MY 'new normal.'  For me, the 'difficult' in my life?  It's a transitional thing and I know it.  It helps; because frankly?  There are some things in my life that are just a little less than fun.  Gotta be done & I'm dealing with it; but it's easy to lose perspective & get grousy about it.  Add on the fact that I'm just really very busy w/ work trying to make some things happen at present; so, I'm working a LOT of hours, plus the kids' back-to-school stuff...  and the net result is I just feel behind.  My house needs some attention, my nails are full-on in desperate need of a mani/pedi , still haven't gone back-2-school shopping, my car needs inspected .. oh, and turned in to the shop for repairs & my tan needs to be redone.  Finding time to work out has been difficult between family, work, migraines, and writers' block.  :p  I realize there's someone I am really missing in my life; but I'm not quite sure what, if anything, I want to do about it yet.  I know I owe a guy a call back; but for various reasons it hasn't happened.  I want to hang out with Ms. Suzanne; but I forgot to set it up!

Here's the reality - I know that we make time for that which we deem to be a priority.  And this is not me complaining that I don't know how to prioritize; because I do.  The difference between the 'past' and my 'new normal' is that I've noticed that over the last few months?  I'm handling things differently.  I'm just not stressed.  It sounds like a lot; but I know it really isn't in the big picture.  I'm okay with the fact that the guy isn't getting called back at present & with whatever the net-result of that will be.  I recognize that everything will get done in time & it doesn't have to be immediate - even if I'd like it to be... doesn't hurt anything, really.  Don't have to know what to do about my 'missing person' - and shouldn't until I really have the time to properly reflect on an appropriate course of action.  I'm not stressed about the work & I've figured out how to not neglect the children in the process.(2)  Really? The only thing I'm concerned about is my workouts; because it's so tied into my health & my #TR30Days challenge.   I've sort-of accepted that the way I'm approaching things now? Is my reality, my new-ish 'now normal' & that is okay.
Because mostly?  My now normal is just jammed packed w/ gratitude.  I read Laura's blog post and I was grateful to her for sharing her struggles & growth with me; a stranger glimpsing in on her introspection.  For reminding me that my journey to maintain positive balance & personal improvement are opportunities for growth even when it is a struggle; to push outside of my comfort zones & be more.  In spite of.  Because of.  In addition to. And they're nothing so life-shaking or potentially permanent as what she's going through.  
So, here are my gratitude moments for the last few days - because that's a part of my 'now normal' that I want to continue to share: 
  1. Nate St. Pierre - we had a fantastic and really inspiring chat this evening that, while totally shooting my bedtime to the 'not going to happen' column; really renewed me.  Thanks, Nate - you're really very cool - I'm honored to have met/know you a bit and your philanthropy work is A-mazing. Keep it up.  
  2. My #TR30Days Tribe - I'm cheating a bit because they're on my gratitude list EVERY day; but you guys?  I'm not being over-dramatic in the slightest when I say that you've had a very real, profound impact on my life.  Ty, Amanda, Cheri, Jason, Joni, Belinda - special thank-yous to you! :) 
  3. #WineWednesday - because it feels SO good to unwind with a glass of wine & a good #TChat - even if it's just for a little bit. 
  4. Meghan Biro!  I seriously think she might be my #Talent Wonder-Twin!  A-Dore Her!  Really have loved our phone & twitter chats over the last week or so.
  5. Tangi - You know, it was my ex-boyfriend that really pushed (3) me to be open and not put her in any one box too quickly & I'm really grateful to him that I eventually listened - and probably always will be.  We have a lot in common, as it turns out, & I really enjoy the time we get to spend together on the phone/in person.  Looking forward to seeing her again in a few weeks!  It's still a little strange to 'find' you have family that I never knew growing up; but I'm cool w/ it.  So glad she reached out to us. 
  6. High Heels - they just do SUCH good things for your legs.  And they're pretty.  #justsayin
So, time to go to bed because I'm pretty sure it's gonna be difficult to wake up tomorrow AM.  I kinda have to have 4 hours of sleep to function.  This might affect my workout - shift when I do it/how long I do it for... but you know?  I can breathe & roll w/ that, too....  Later, Peeps. 

Just Breathe. 

(1) Check her blog in its entirety at:  http://lauralawson.blogspot.com/2010/05/new-normal.html
(2) though the monkey-bread I made at 2pm because I forgot to make the girls breakfast? Is for sure not winning me parenting of the year; nor is it on my diet.  But, it was yummy! :) 
(3) yes, pushed.  I don't like change when it comes to my family, believe it or not. 

1 comment:

  1. Great chatting with you, Crystal - more soon, I'm sure. :)