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Monday, January 29, 2007

Myspace Migration: Dating & My Inbox

Current mood:happy
Otherwise known as "Top 10 Reasons to Pull Myself Out of the Dating Game." Ok, so I made what I consider to be the ostensible decision to pull myself out of the "search" for a relationship this morning while getting some much needed relaxation in the tub (1). I came to the conclusion that I'm just not in the mood to date. Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Ok, well Crystal, if you don't date, you're never going to be 'relationship girl.'" No. Not true. That really denotes more of a frame of mind and in truth, is part of the reason I'm ready to quit the "proactive dating scene."
For the past several months, I have done most of the dating that I've done through meeting people on various dating sites. Some of the people I met were great and are still friends, some are rediculous (2). There was the guy that ended up being gay - now that was a barrel of fun. There was the uber-rich guy that needed to tell me how uber-rich, awesome and great he was from the moment we started talking... nah, that doesn't reek of rampant insecurity. There were one or two guys that had the timing been better, I probably would have liked to explore a relationship with... but, it wasn't. And then there were just a bunch of guys that were nice guys, but weren't for me... we either just didn't click or they were single and didn't get the whole 'single mom gig' (3), or whatever.

Online dating is fine. You meet a lot of people (at least I have) and you get to do some much needed screening/introductions before you show up for that first meeting. But, don't kid yourself: figuring out who you want to date long-term is a lot of work. I think, though, it's supposed to be fun.

But for me, it's not. Not anymore. I'm spending too much time trying to figure out where to fit someone new in and how do I get to know this guy and that guy while balancing A (kids), B (work), and C (friends). For me, A, B, and C will always come before (D) - new guy. I have the weekend in which to balance C and D. I guarantee you that one day/night in each weekend is going to be reserved for my friends and running errands. So, that typically leaves me Friday and Sunday during the day. It's really quite difficult to foster a relationship when you only really have 2 times in a week where you're available to see someone.

I get that I COULD make more time, but I don't want to. I LIKE my life the way it is. My work is important to me and I like going up to the office on Saturdays. My friends are who I want to be spending my time with and there's no way in hell I'm going to repeatedly dump my kids off on a sitter each week to date someone. My kids come first. That's my time with them, that's when I get to be the parent, friend and confidant that they need and I chose to be. So, lately, I end up really wishing I could cancel my dates instead of going on them. And, that's not the frame of mind I think you should be in when you're dating people. So, top 10 reasons I'm pulling myself out of the dating game:

10. I'm getting carpal tunnel from clicking on all these darn profiles.
9. Martini Park is more fun with Friends.
8. Guys really don't like being the subject of your blogs and goodness knows how much I love to blog.
7. I talk on the phone all day for a living. There are whole nights where I don't want to talk to anyone.
6. Because grocery shopping, oil changes and walking the dog doesn't do itself. (though wouldn't it be nice if it did?)
5. I suck at letting guys pay if I don't know whether or not I want to go out with them again and for some reason, that's found offensive.
4. I'd rather make $25,000 off placing a candidate on a Saturday than I would spending money eating at Bob's with some guy who thought I'd find that impressive
(and really, I'd find some hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint, more fun anyway)
3. Like I don't already have enough to do.
2. Candyland is way cooler that drinks at Duke's and if I'm not there to play it, who will?
1. I really need some 'me time.'

All of this to say, I'm just done being 'proactive' searching. If something comes up through my singles group (which IS a lot of fun and a great way to meet people of both genders who are in the same space in life to do stuff with and make friends with), or with someone I'm already friends with and know.. ok. It's not like I'm refusing to date. I'm just done with looking for people to date and recognize that just by doing that, I'll free up time and allow myself to focus on the things I've determined are my priorities.

(1) I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER again cave on making the girls get a flu shot. Natalie has been sick with Influenza, Type A (see bulletin for the reference I made to that) for a week, her sleep schedule is ALL screwed up and of course the only place she can sleep well is my room. So, I'm about ready to collapse.
(2) Who needs 3 therapists? Now I have a friend who has 2 and I kind of got that.. but 3???? Couldn't you roll some of that craziness together for just one therapist?
(3) Telling you my kid is sick should really come along with the self-explinatory "So, I can't go out and do stuff." I should not be put in a position to where I'm having to tell you later that day, "No, I can't meet you for lunch" after I texted that morning with "My kid's sick and throwing up in the bathroom."

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