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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Myspace Migration: Give a Girl a Fish

... and you'll feed her for a day. Give her a place to go fish, and she might just turn up plenty. But, a girl's gotta ask... can you pass 'plenty of fish' and move into 'too many fish??'

Week one of being a 'Plenty of Fish' member. In one week, I've now received around 189 emails from over 100 different men. Some have been intruiging, some have been entertaining, and some have been 'excuse me?' worthy. I have met a couple of the people on there, just because they work near me and we were able to set up a daytime thing. There are a couple of guys that I'm looking forward to meeting, because they seem really great. There are about 80 emails I haven't even been able to really get to yet. So, there's my progress thus far. Here's what I've learned about me so far (because it is, after all, all about me! LOL):

1. I am uncomfortable with the people who knew me from other places contacting me through that site. It just seems wierd to me, I think? I don't know, I guess I feel lik eif I haven't 'taken the bait' in other arenas, I'm not likely to be 'your fish.' (Man, I'm milking this metaphor for all it's worth, aren't I?) Continuing to push it feels semi-stalkerish.

2. I prefer the positive profiles as opposed to the negative ones. While that sounds like a 'duh' kind of thing, hear me out. You have this area to tell people about yourself, and what you're looking for. I prefer the men who spend that area telling me about them, instead of all the stuff that don't want, don't like and the dozen or so requirements, rods, and reels you'll need to be able to sufficiently 'bait' your hook. On that note, there was one guy who sent me an email just this morning - his email said, "If you like what you see in my profile, write back." Ok, normal enough. Well, when I go to his profile, there's this whole diatrible about how rude you are if you don't respond. He actually started out with that, and then referenced it a few more times throughout. That alone? Made me not want to talk to him.

I LOVE the profiles that are more than 3 sentences long and give me some kind of a sense about who I'm emailing before I write them. It's great when you tell me about your interests, your job, your viewpoints, and/or your family. There are also some that have music on them - that's pretty cool, too!

a. Not so sound like I'm on some Diva-trip, but it's not possible to email every person back. And I'm certain, beyond all shadow of a doubt, that I'm not the most popular person on there. And honestly, I don't think there should be anything that obligates me to spend 60 seconds on each email that I receive saying, "Hey, your profile sounds great, but you're not for me. Thanks!" Or is this the standard ettiquite and I've missed the boat? I know I don't expect for every guy I email (well, I have really only emailed one or two, but still..) to email me back.

3. It seems like I get three kinds of responses:
a. "I like what you had to say in your profile" - These guys typically make some reference to something I've said in my profile and -usually- some kind of comment about how they read the whole thing and boy, it was long! LOL These are the guys that I typically like to respond to the most, because it -hopefully- means that they've connected with something about ME, not just one of the pictures on my profile.

b. But, then there are the guys who just put something like 'You're pretty' or 'You're hot' (to which I ALWAYS, every single time, laugh) or something about my appearance and then "Write me back." For me to write those guys back is a pretty rare thing, because half the time I don't think they've even READ my profile (based on the questions of the majority of those that I did go ahead and respond back to, the answers for which were IN my profile) .. so, they're just contacting me on my appearance alone. For some reason, in my mind that equates to a level of shallowness that I find terribly unappealing. It's probably unfair, but it seems like that's pretty much been what I've thought each time that I've read one of those emails. While men may very well be visual, the age of those that I'm dealing with (men in their 30s and 40s) are old enough that they should know that is not how women connect. That being said, it's not the kiss of death or anything, it's just not winning any major brownie points or seperating them out from their competition. (1)

c. Then there are the guys that sell themselves through their first contact. My favorite funny one so far is "Hey, baby, you should hit me back because I can make your earth Moooove. I've got a good job, a kickin' car, and a nice ass." Well, Gee, what else could a girl ask for! No, in all seriousness, I don't mind those at all - if they're obnoxious, or clearly not compatible, I just don't answer.

So there you have it; my insights on the first week. In the next week, I'll post more about the happenings at 'first meetings.' I am enjoying meeting new people.. still pretty casual about the whole dating thing in general. If only you could start at the 4th date, lol... I find I am still a little hestitant to set up the first date. I think it's because of the 'b' guys - I'm not sure what they've built me up to be in their head; and at the end of the day, while I'm pretty happy with who I am overall, rejection? Still kind of sucks - so if they've built me up to be more than I am, and there's disappointed in what I personally think is pretty fabulous (2), then it's kind of frustrating. I guess, at the end of the day, I figure I've got to get over it and set things up because when I'm looking back on my life 50 years from now, I want to be able to say I had the guts to get in the car. (3) I have found with the couple of people I've managed to fit into my schedule - largely because they work near me - I still don't get nervous on 'first dates.' It almost seems like a contradiction to me - I'm nervous before I meet them, but am sort of blase' when I do. Go figure...

(1) I'm also a little wierded out when people get too intimate in their conversation too quickly... and these guys tend to be the ones that do it. I'm not talking about asking/talking about sex as much as I am talking about terms of endearment or being overly clingy within the first two hours of emailing back and forth. I have a name that most of the time, I'm pretty much ok with. And last I checked, it wasn't 'Babe,' 'Sugar,' 'Honey,' 'Sweetie,' or 'Pet.' This may be coming off as overly feminist in nature, and I don't mean it that way. It's not like it's going to get you thrown off the island or anything, but it does give me the heebe-jeebies. In movies, there's a thing called 'color blocking' whereby they dress corresponding characters (the romantic couples, for example) in shades of the same color or complimenting colors. It's a subconscious visual thing. In business, they say you should match the body-language of your clients/audience/etc... it puts them at relative ease. I think the same is true with terms of endearment; toss it out there if you like, it's no big deal.... but, if the person you're calling 'sweet lips' doesn't catch it and throw you back a 'sugar buns' then maybe you should hold off for awhile and try again later? To me, it feels a little bit rushed and clingy to come up with pet names/use terms of endearment before you've even met. Might just be me, though...

(2) come on, you know I am! LOL

(3) what can I say? I love the movie Transformers and it's on right now - too good to pass up!

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