Damnit. Well, there's a first - I started a blog with a curse word. But, really... DAMNIT. The whole movie is about these women, but 3/4ths of it is betrayal, affairs, and hurt. Fabulous flippin' way to start out 2009. Thank Goodness I woke up drinking (well, Mimosas, but there are still traces of champagne in there)!
*Blllleaaah!* Shake it off. New year, new start. AND, BONUS! Mimosas. And well, Cranberry Champagne with Rasberries. Whuat?? I fell asleep early last night - seems a shame to let it go to waste and besides, might make my afternoon walk more enjoyable. ;)
It made me think, though - that movie? The really good girl that goes to work, takes care of her husband, kiddo, goes to work, meets charitable obligations, has fantastic friends and non-frizzy curly hair (another damnit worthy moment, as mine drives me bonkers, which is why it's so frequently straightened)... she didn't do any of it well. And she was miserable.
"I spent an entire lifetime trying to be everything to everybody and somehow everyone ends up being somehow disappointed."
The problem was the woman didn't know herself. Sound familiar? She didn't know what she wanted out of life, out of herself; so she existed existentially though others. Good Lord, that sounds way too familiar. Can you say my twenties? Gah, I was so wrapped up in trying to be someone's perfect picture of .. I don't know what.. But whatever it was, I screwed it up marvelously. All the way through. It's always easier to Monday morning these things, I suppose... but, thankfully, for me, my thirties appear to be about coming into my own. Hopefully it doesn't take an entire decade to do it.
I should be fair, I suppose; it's not like I'm starting at ground zero. I got the marriage thing figured out a few years ago - namely, that we shouldn't be in it. I've built a career, and I'm good with the direction that's going in - moreso now that I'm in a company that isn't in quite as a demanding position in it's existence. There's some tweaking that needs to be done on the Mommy track. With the last position being SO demanding, I really do think the girls didn't get the attention they needed. They weren't CPS-level neglected, but they're getting to an age where they need more than general supervision and bedtime stories read. We need to be walking around the lake together in the afternoons, talking about the important stuff that shapes them. If we don't get a better handle on that now, then in a couple of years when it's REALLY important, they won't trust my opinion.
I'm also thinking of instituting little date nights with my girls each week. Just the three of us - nothing huge, just getting out of the rut and having a good time. It has been a little point of frustration for me that I get the 'serious time' with the girls and Jason gets all the 'fun time.' Don't misunderstand, I do -not- begrudge my children's Father being able to spend fun time with them; I just want the slow, easy moments with them, too. But slow, easy moments do not always come in the morning; so.. we're going to try to move them to one night. Just one night a week. Wish me luck. ;)
And then there's my love life. Seriously, I am a little miffed with that phrase - "love life." I mean, really. I -have- love in my life. Lots of it - just not the romantic variety at present. LOL I was talking to one of the guys I was considering dating - not so much now, he reminds me far too much of my ex and if that's what I wanted or needed, I'd still be IN that relationship. That's not compatible for me. Anyway, he was asking for my "rules." I nearly bust out laughing. The rules? That was part of my twenties. But even without "the rules," there are still some basic signs that show there's mutual interest. Want to move forward with me? Make sure I know we're on a date and not a business luncheon or hanging with pals. I wonder what signs other people look for while on a date?
So, as I start my first "New Years Day" of my thirties; I reflect back on the last decade and warmly close it and look forward to the next one. Must stop writing now; there's more champagne ... and rasberries.. yummmmmm. Later!