Finding the right person.. is NOT easy. Heck, just finding someone you want to take/go with on a third date can prove daunting! But, what happens when you meet the guy or gal that you think -maybe, just may be- the one? Or at least the one for awhile??
If you're not seeing anyone else, this is where you would be very excited you found someone that makes you light up when you think about them. If you are seeing someone else, however; or hedging your bets and talking to several people at one time... you've got some housekeeping to do. Ok, let me be the first to say that I'm NOT good at juggling multiple guys - even in the "get to know you phase." I'm not going to say I've -never- done it, but it's not really my thing. For a myriad of reasons, but mainly because I don't want to invest the time. I have wondered how you *really* get to know someone if you're trying to get to know 3 other someones at the same time??
But, I would suppose if you're a "bet hedger" and you are getting to know a bunch of different people, then you've got a healthy dose of paranoia going on. You don't want to be left alone, so you keep people around - trying to figure out which one you like best and which one likes you. So, do you have that conversation once YOU have determined you like someone enough to just get to know them... or do you have a conversation with the person you like first?
And this? Is where I get intruiged. More specifically, I'm intruiged with those that choose to have the "what are we doing" conversation only to find out that they're just having a good time. But, hey - no big deal... because you have these other people in the wings that you were getting to know too, right:?? So they get all of your attention and you repeat the process all over again until you find a 'winner.' And what a prize it is. Seriously, it's almost a laugh out loud moment because aren't they just kind of the runners-up? The consolation prize?
From the other side of the coin, I went out with this guy a few times a couple of years back. Actually, that's not quite right - we dated for about 4 months. I had just come out of a long-ish relationship a short while before, so I didn't want to rush into anything. So, while I was seeing him, I was getting to know someone else. While he was seeing me? He was getting to know -four- someone elses. Something that, had he disclosed four months before, I never would have been part of the harem. Even though it was casual, I got rather irritated when I realized that I was one in a total of FIVE different women. Really? I think I might have even said WTH? How can you ever really get to know five different women, take care of your son, AND be successful at work? When do you SLEEP?
Upon finding this out, I was utterly and irreversably done. I realised the semi-hypocrisy and tried to continue dating him - we went out twice more... but, I just couldn't do it. I was really kind of disgusted looking at him and don't even get me started about the amount of time I obsessed about the cootie factor. When I stopped seeing him, I was able to focus on the other guy that I had been getting to know. Being able to focus just on him allowed for me to get to see things I just hadn't the time to before - and allowed me to more quickly weed him on out of the garden. ;) (Ok, just because HE wasn't the right one doesn't mean he COULDN'T have been - he was just still WAAAY hung up on his ex- and I'm really noone's time killer.)
How do you tell them? Send them an email? Call them on the phone? Are you on honest with them and tell them that you've met someone else or do you come up with some lame excuse like "I'm really busy right now" or "Man, I really have a lot going on between work and the kids..." I'd like to say that complete honesty is the best policy; and I think wherever you can do that, that's true. There are people that can't handle it, though - it's too brutal for them. They don't want the truth - they want to hear it's you, not them.
Only after you do these things can you REALLY enjoy the butterflies-in-the-stomach, I'm-so-glad-I-met-this-person feelings that are so fantastic...