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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

This (Me), That (Dating), & The Other (New Year's Resolutions)

Man, I loved that Sienfeld Episode... it's such a perfect phrase, really: "This, that.. and the other." You know, the one where Jerry and Elaine try to have it all? Here's the thing, though - in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness... you really CAN'T have it all (as they found out).. you have to pick a path in order to be happy.
I was thinking about this today in relation to a guy I'm getting to know. I could take you through a lot of crazy backstory, but the net net is that this guy doesn't know what he wants yet... so, he's still trying to have everything. He'd like to have me, but I don't think he really knows if I'm what he wants. And for some reason (can't imagine why), I find that terribly unappealing. I respect it, but I know what I want - and it's not someone who's trying to have this, that and some other thing yet undefined.

This: I have joked many times about having it all. Of course, I know I -don't.- So, maybe what I mean is that in life, I have enough. If I never had more than I do today; when I was 50 years old, I wouldn't be wondering if I had the guts to get in the car. I not only got in it, I drove it. I've done more in many areas than I ever DREAMED to. I've been married, I've experienced love, I've had kids, I've known success and defeat. I'm seriously happy with what I've accomplished and who I am. Sure, there's stuff I'd like to improve upon, but that's why we have goals, aspirations. If there were nothing to aspire to in life, it would be a little dull indeed, would it not?

That: With that in mind, I think I'm rethinking on who I want to date. For awhile now, I've been fixated with people who were at 'my station.' I know, that sounds terribly snobby, and to a degree it is. I don't just mean socio-economically, though. I mean, in life experiences, how far along they are in their career, similarities of faith, and yes... gotta be kinda cute. ;) Here's the deal, though: I've noticed (especially with the men who have children, believe it or not) that the men I've met have by and large been either terribly insecure or overly discriminate given their lot in life. Hey, it's cool to know what you want in life and really, I'm totally fine if that's not me - but, a little bit of realism would probably help a lot of these guys out.
Just yesterday I had a conversation with a man that seriously? Is adorable. He's every Mom's dream for her daughter. At least on the surface. But he is a B.E.T.A.B.O.Y. through and through. I nailed that one on our second 'date,' and gracefully bowed out (good to know when you're not going to win). We've talked since and yesterday, he was whindering (it's a little cross between wondering and whining) about why he couldn't find a woman who would see him for who he really was. I asked the question, "What if they ARE seeing you for you really are and it is you that is suffering from delusions?"
Just a paradigm shift.. but, for many of us, it happens all the time in the other direction. We judge ourselves too harshly, sure that someone won't give us the time of day - so, we don't ever take the leap. Realism works both ways. Just as you need to know that the sun does not rise and set in your pants, that you are not the center of the universe and everything; you need to know you're worth something, too. Until you believe in your self-worth and know what you have to offer; you won't know how to work that angle and so it's likely the people that you want won't see it, either.

The Other: So, as people set the obligatory resolutions to join a gym, lose weight, spend less, save more, drink less hard alcohol, drink more wine, and be a better person.. maybe we should think about making resolutions to see each other and ourselves for who we really are and recognize the potential we have to improve the lives of others. I know for me, it's the only resolution I'm making - because really, who keeps all of those other ones, anyway?? :D
Whatever your resolutions are, or how you see yourself... I hope you have a fantastic time tomorrow night and a wonderful new year!

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