1)This (Me), That (Dating) & The Other (New Year's Resolutions)
2)The Women.My Life.First Blog Post of 2009
3)Friends, Frenemies, & Dates
and then this one ... they build on each other; or at least are related in theme. There's probably some stuff in here I should revisit - like some of my theories from back then better!!
There is, of course, another side to the 'not knowing where you stand' or having that slightly disfunctional dating relationship. You know, the one where you kind of feel like the person that someone's using to "kill time with" or the rebound relationship to get over someone. It's possible.. that the person you're with or angling for? Is just not that into you.
Not going to lie, I'm fairly excited about this movie. Cautiously so, anyway. I'm not overly thrilled about Greg Behrendt as a counselor, but he's a pretty funny comedian. And the book he wrote with Liz something or other - now a current culture staple, He's Just Not That Into You ... is also pretty funny. It's got some practical stuff in there, too. My personal favorite relates to the post-break-up return of stuff; and how often one side or the other wants to make it into a "meeting." And, of course, the only reason to do that is because you're hoping the meeting would spur someething to make it go back to the way it was before. You know, the good times.
Most people don't like the process of dating. I'm not looking down at them, because quite frankly, there are times I find it to be pretty tedious myself. I like the 'being in a relationship' part, for the most part anyway, but getting to that point can be a pain. Soooo, many of us in our rush to get there - to comfortable relationship status - we fixate on the wrong people. Oh, to be sure, they're probably perfectly nice people. Maybe they're the kind of people we think or -know- we should be with. Maybe there's just flat out hotness going on there. Whatever the reason, we want SO badly for them to be the guy/the girl that we ignore all the glaring signs that... they're not.
I know I've tried very, very, very hard to make guys that I'm just not compatible with "the one." Or at least 'the one until I'm ready to do something else with someone else.' I know, I know, there's probably a special little corner in hell reserved for me; but, it's not as bad as it sounds. I liked the guy and I -wanted- it to work. You know when you can look at someone and just really love the person they are and know that they're the kind of person we need, even if it's not what we necessarily want? At the end of the day, though, we realize that not wanting them, the missing element of that little spark, was enough to make the difference between a successful relationship and... not.
Then you have to tell the person. It's the right thing to do - you can't just fall off the face of the earth. That part? Sucks - we all know it. Noone ever wants to hurt anyone. But you have to do it. So, how you do it is an important thing and might actually need to be worded with more thought than when you asked someone out to begin with. For me, I usually fall back on my life - quite frequently it ends up being an issue in my relationships anyway (I'm a very busy girl). That seems to be pretty safe and the least painful. I'm looking forward to seeing how the movie handles the rejection angle.
But what do you do when you're the one that has to hear it? That someone's just not that into ME?? How's that possible -after all, I'm fabulous. Right? Right. Having to respond to a rejection is pretty hard and requires a ton of tact as well. You know that the person giving the rejection doesn't really want to hurt you - they just want it to be OVER. So, I'm going to agree with Greg here - do yourself a favor: Don't Drag it Out. Listen to what the message is - say something if you must... but then be done. Don't spend a ton of time "hashing it out" because it's not going to change anything.
Leave their stuff on the doorstep. Better yet, give what I do a shot: let the UPS guys deliver it for you. I don't leave stuff at guy's houses that I expect to get back - haven't in over 2 years. But, last time I did? I had keys - I got my stuff, left a note and his keys on the table and locked the door behind me. He? Was out of town. No fuss, no muss... no.drama!
Give yourself time before you see them again. Move-the-frick-on. Seriously, it's deluded to think that you can go from being romantically involved with someone to "just friends" overnight. You can't. Gotta give yourself time to not care. Not care about why you weren't 'the one;' not care about the girl or guy that might have gotten kissed goodnight last night ~ and not on the cheek. ;) Otherwise, you'll end up losing your cool - and maybe losing it in front of your "new friend." No bueno para you.
Get INVOLVED. Not necessarily with a person, because rebound relationships are really not all that cool. However, it's perfectly acceptable - and probably a good idea - to be active in different things. The Stephanie I referenced in my earlier blog? Brought up a GREAT site (of which I'm a member): Meetup.com. You'll find something to hit on any interest. For me? I like going to the art museum and walking at the park. Go out on a date within the month - but make sure you let the person you're going out with know you're newly uninvolved. It's really only fair.
Finding out a guy or gal isn't that into you is not fun; but, another way to look at it is as an opportunity. After all, you've just moved one guy or gal closer to finding the one who IS! :D Happy Hunting!