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Sunday, December 23, 2007

Myspace Migration: Holiday Hijinks

The holidays are, once again, upon us. Today was my extended family's get-together. Remember those songs we sang as a child about going 'over the river and through the woods' to get to Grandmother's house? Yeah, well, I.Did.That.

For two.and.a.half.hours.I.sat.in.the.BACK.SEAT.of.my.parents'.car. And joy of all joys, I found I get just a little bit carsick when I'm not in control of the car. Or at least in the front seat.

We drove to a little town called Yantis? (1) where my Uncle Ray and Aunt Dana live. They have horses, they've made improvements, they're looking at selling their place - so, seems like a good time to spend more time there. It was a pleasant enough time - however, did I mention it was over two hours away? There is NOTHING out there. And nothing particularly close by. I couldn't help but think, "Where do people out here buy clothes? But, the kids rode horses (Natalie, who has, evidently, inherited her Mother's complete lack of grace, fell off *She's Fine*) and we all bonded. And then I spent another couple of hours getting carsick on the ride back. (2)

On the way home, my kid decides she's STARVING (3). So, we stop at the McDonald's so she can get a happy meal before I drop the girls at their Dad's. Then, of course, the other child wants one, too. Fine. No problem! :) Ok, remember the aforementioned reference to my complete lack of grace? Trying to walk INTO the McDonald's to place my daughters' order, I do a complete face plant into the sidewalk. No good reason, really - just completely uncoordinated. I am Style. I am Grace. And I am FLAT on my arse. (after rolling around from being flat on my face).

How I can rollerblade and iceskate without losing appendages, but cannot walk into a fast-food joint is beyond me. It IS, however, the reason I almost 100% of the time opt to drive-thru. Much better for the establishment's insurance policy, too...

Tomorrow I must navigate *GASP* a mall. Now, Northpark, with it's old-money feel and the Mecca that is Lush works for me. I can do that without fearing I'm going to need a brown bag to keep from needing oxygen, or a layer of Germ-X to stave off coodies from the throngs of wierd people around me. I always seem to end up surrounded by women fashionably clad in Burberry or Ralph Lauren while waiting in line for my flowering tea at Teavana (4) before I pick up another half dozen bath bombs (5) at previously mentioned Mecca. I feel trendy, safe, and in good company all at the same time. North East Mall, however, is a completely different story. There I seem to be trying to squeak by people with piercing and funkily-colored hair (6), where too many screaming children are quite frankly -pissed- because who wants to wait 2 hours to see Santa??? Nothing any kid wants is worth that kind of wait and they all know it.

Plus, as a bonus, most of the parents make their kids look like complete arsehats dressed in the most rediculous matching candy-cane striped, rudolph glow-nose sweaters, muffins, and tights for their Christmas card photos. This is why they made the bad nursing homes, people... But, I've got a couple more gifts to buy because Goodness knows there has been ZERO time during the week lately. Wish me luck (7).
Ok, so now my Mother has decided I've had ENOUGH computer time (she's a technophobe and, as such, has issues with my brother and I being on the computer for longer than about ten minutes), so I guess I should tend to my footnotes and go spend some more Family Time. I think there's hockey on and at least one bottle of wine that I have tucked away, so it should be ok.

(1) I'm actually not POSITIVE that's the name of the town, but it's the sign I saw not far from the -get this- camels that hang out there.
(2) I did offer to take my own car as my kids actually preferred that.. but, that was evidently counter-productive to the 'family' time we're having. Have I ever mentioned I live 45 minutes away from my parents and 20 minutes from my brother who, little snot, did NOT join in the festivities today? I love my family, but I'm looking forward to the Jetson-like transportation system. It's fun to be there, it's getting there that's the Big B.
(3) Which is interesting, as she completely turned her nose at the virtual BUFFET that was served at my Uncle and Aunts' house. Go figure.
(4) Which, this time, is actually for my Mother. But, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Teavana as it's not only oober cool, but has great teas in a million different varieties and allows me to use my Perfect TeaMaker at work, which has definitely saved some lives.
(5)Read: Reason why I'm ok with still being single as they're a rediculous waste of money and part of what often turns into a complete evening at home with scalding hot bathwater [easier to attain when my freaking faucet actually puts out a decent amount of water], lots of candlelight, great music, and wine. While one might think this would be a good couple type event, it's possible... but, I actually do it to WIND DOWN, and think I am completely entitled to several hours of solitude while doing it. I know very few men who are that patient and ok with pruning to that degree....
(6)Note: Green, Orange, Pink, and Black all on one head is much.too.much. And where are the parents that should have taught that lesson??
(7) Or Prozac. Or directions to the nearest emergency room, spa, or wine-bar

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