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Sunday, February 15, 2009

Different Thoughts

Well, I guess it's time for another weekly entry of random thoughts strung together. What better (and probably obvious) place to start than with Valentine's Day??

I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. Part of it stems from the fact that every year since I've been an adult, something truly hideous has happened on Valentine's Day. Now, what that is tended to vary from year to year, but over time I just came to dread that particular holiday. This has become a very small part of it in the last couple of years and quite frankly, I barely registered it this year. But, I'd be lying if I didn't recognize that's it's part of the disdain. The other part of it is just that it feels like a VERY manufactured holiday to me. Do you really need a day of National Observation in order to show your sweetie that you care about them? Doesn't the very point of expectation diminish some of the significance behind the act?

I notice the expectations behind it fall more on the side of my gender. This is not an opportunity to show how much cooler I am than the rest of the fairer sex (though, clearly, I am.. LOL) ... but, from the feedback I received, it's clearly a chick holiday. I realize noone's calling to alert the media about this revolutionary breakthrough, either. It just maybe seems a little unfair?? One of my English buddies told me that over there, they've got a coordinating holiday for men - Steak and a BJ day. That? Clean cracked me up - but at least noone's going to go into hoc for it.

Moving on, I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" today with a couple of my favorite Gal Pals. This was where it became VERY evident that I was off my game today. I called this morning and gave the Movie Grill my credit card number so I could have the charges for the day put on my card. That would have been VERY smooth.. except we went to the Movie Tavern. Oops. Normally, I'm really good with those kinds of details. I like putting together outings for my friends and I, so for me to make that kind of slip-up is rare. Oh yeah, and for some Gosh-unkown reason, my wallet was under my bed. That? Was very convenient at Subway. *I am a hot mess.*

Anyway, the movie. It was good, I guess. But, in many ways, it was also really kind of sad. It reminded me of something that happened yesterday. I went rollerskating with the girls on Saturday and their Dad ended up coming, too. Which is fine, really. It's good that we can do things with the kids - a lot of divorced families can't becase the parents can't be in the same room without wanting to kill each other. It was a good time. But, just before we left, they played the cupid shuffle. Lindsey started dancing to it - with her Dad. That probably doesn't sound like a big deal and it was kind of cute to watch the two of them together... but, it made me really, really sad in a selfish way. That was totally the kind of stuff I wanted to do when we were married - and we never did any of it. We didn't really go out with other people, he certainly didn't dance and I'm reasonably certain that he didn't know what the "Electric Slide" or "Cupid Shuffle" was.

Now, before you think I'm dogging on my ex-, I'm not. The point I'm trying to make is that I don't think he could BE that person when he was with me. There are probably a lot of things that I couldn't be when I was with him - and it was just by virtue of being together. In a lot of ways, my ex-husband and I brought out the worst in each other - and there's really no further proof needed by then looking at who we are today. We're so much better apart than we ever were together; and I don't have -any- feelings for him... those ended long before we divorced. But, even still - it's easy to see how much more we've been able to do and be apart from each other. He dances, and socializes - I no longer cringe every time I go home, I don't worry about what I'm going to find, I can be alone and be happy. We're better. But what does that say? What does that say about us that we were so -not good- together?

It's not about him; it's not even really about me. It's about the fact that we? Did not start there. Noone does. Relationships are always good when they start - marriages are always happy in the beginning... otherwise, people wouldn't get married, right? So how do you know, really, whether the person you choose to be with is going to be a long-term positive or negative influence on your life? In the movie, the married couple were not positive influences on each other. Now, the guy was a GIANT gherkin; so, not a perfect example.. but, even still, they didn't bring out the best in each other. Anyway, it just made me think - and I'm sure this concept has been part of the reason that I'm really very selective about who I get into any kind of singular relationship with. I've come to a place where I'm pretty healthy, my life is really pretty good and together - I don't want to muck it up! :D I'm sure I'm not alone in that, though...

Ok, off to snuggle under a comforter and enjoy my wine!

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