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Saturday, March 31, 2007

Myspace Migration: Hit You On The Rebound

So, would like to talk a little/vent a little about being the "rebound chick." Lately, I've had a few guys that I've gone out with - we stopped - life moves on. They drop off the radar screen because, let's face it - I'm the girl that it's fun to go out with. Let's hit the town, have a little fun - stay in, have great conversation - go adventure dining... I'm a good girl to know, because once I know you we'll always have a good time. But, the reality is, I'm really hard to nail down as far as a relationship goes. My life is hectic, I don't do dates during the week because of my kids (with rare exception), and a romantic relationship is a distant fourth on my list of priorities. So, eventually, many guys want more than I'm capable/willing to give and so we part as friends. I'm cool with that. Knowing your own limitations and being willing to not limit others by them is a good thing, I think. It's also the majority reason of why I pulled myself out of the dating game a while back.

I'm happy when we touch base later down the road and I hear they have a girlfriend. I think that's great - it's the way life is supposed to go. And I genuinely want the guys that I go out with to find the happiness they're looking for - which is why I often stop dating them when it's evident it's not going to be with me. What I'm kind of questioning, though, is do guys think it's some kind of compliment to immediately call me right after they broke up with whoever that is?? Is it? Did I miss that memo somewhere?

There's been a pandemic of this lately - at least, in my little world. So, I decided to really look further into "rebound relationships." Maybe I was mistaken in my negative outlook on them. So, I looked them up. Here's the definition I found:

Defining a Rebound Relationship:
A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break – up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound relationship before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a "rebound relationship.

Rebound Relationships Serve a Purpose:
A rebound relationship is a distraction. It is a connection to another person that keeps us from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our resent break – up. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives. Many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone. It's a quick fix, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a a lot more fun that dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart.

Ok, I can see why that would attractive for THEM. But, can you see why it wouldn't so much be attractive to ME? I was talking to a married friend of mine not too long ago, and we were discussing single people having affairs with married people. I don't see the point: what does the single person gain from it? It's an unbalanced relationship. I guess I kind of see rebound relationships the same way. It feels much like, "Now that I have nothing going on, I need someone to occupy my time... I don't want to be alone, so I'm calling YOU." As much as I'd like to see it through the paradigm of "Hey, she's really cool, I'd like to see her again..." - that just doesn't really ring true - all the reasons that it didn't work out with those guys the first time are still there. And, since I'm now 'relationship girl' - I can't say I really have any interest in being the chick some guy uses to help him get over the last chick he was with. Hmmm... nope, can't think of why that doesn't sound attractive....
Am I off base????

*Before I get myself in trouble, I should say there is one guy who's going to read this and THINK it applies to him ... but, it doesn't. We're friends, I know we're friends and this isn't about you. :

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