GDE. Week Two: Dog Days

I really love my Saturday mornings; I've got this routine down where I go to Communications Park in Plano & walk for HOURS. Literally, hours - 4, to be exact.  I like to marathon walk - well, it's not ACTUALLY a marathon; but it is 10-20 miles that I'll walk on my Saturdays.  I stop when I feel like I'm going to pass out & then I typically go home, shower, nap & when I wake up?  It's Saturday night & time to go play. (1)  So, for me to give up my Saturday routine for a date?  Was selfishly a little hard for me.  I actually frowned as I passed the exit for my Park... who suggested Saturday morning?? He did.  Oh.. but I WAS the one who suggested 8am.  Dork.  Oh well, I'm committed now.

Stephen was easy to spot; but not because he looked just like his photos.  Oh, to be sure, he did - and he was charming; though, a little more salt/pepper than I had expected.  I don't care, though; had crushed on Sean Connery since I was like 6. (2)  Nope, Stephen was easy to spot because he brought his dog.  Nice.  We're now officially reenacting "Must Love Dogs" ... do I need to go rent one to fit in?? For anyone that hasn't seen a Weimaraner before?  They're BIG.  

After we said our hellos, Stephen said, "Got your coffee drink in the car - Chuck was a little excited and wanted to walk around.. want to go get it?"  When I excitedly agreed that yes, we should go grab our drinks? (3)  He tossed me his keys and said, "Black Range Rover, three slots from the back. Could you grab mine, too??"  Ummm..... ok.  I guess he DOES have the dog to contend with... but still, there's no way I'm giving a stranger the keys to my car.  His?  Was probably not much different than you'd expect from a surgeon; holy cow... there wasn't a spec of dust, dirt, stray paper, anything.  He's officially NEVER seeing my car; aside from having 2 kids?  It's kind of my mobile office.  So, not gonna lie - it's pretty much regularly an example of controlled chaos.

When I come back from getting the drinks, he's engrossed in conversation with a couple who is seriously obsessed with Chuck.  I politely listen as he goes on about how cool of a breed it is, etc.. I figure I'm getting to learn a little more about something that's clearly important in his life, right??  Besides, this allowed me to sip my drink in peace; which is a big part of my Saturday routine... Even still? No way was I prepared for Chuck being the entire focal point of our day's conversation.

TWO HOURS.  This is how long you can talk about a dog.  Exclusively.  Holy Cow.  We walked along the lake and I learned all about Chuck's history, his likes/dislikes (4), the games Stephen played with him, the way Chuck needs to be cared for, and the problems Chuck caused in his marriage.  Not gonna lie, I zoned out on a fair amount of the dog talk but totally refocused when he said the dog had been a major factor in deciding to divorce.  SAY WHAT?!  Evidently, Chuck? Spent every night of his 'married life' in bed with he and his ex-wife... who was not a dog-lover.  Greatness.

I had 2 options; cut this thing short or see it for the fertile playground for me to play amateur psychologist that it was.  So obviously, I went with the latter! :p  I mean, if I were truly trying to date this guy? I'd have cut it short and run... but, I'm experimenting here and learning about new personalities, etc.  So.. let's learn.  I spent the next 20 minutes asking him questions about how he responded to his then wife & why he felt like the dog's comfort superseded that of the woman he'd pledged to put above all others, etc..  I wasn't accusatory; I was curious - and I guess he got that, because he answered without irritation.  Actually, I think he was amused.  He felt like she wasn't ever as into him as she was the lifestyle he could provide.. but Chuck? Chuck loved him unconditionally for HIM.  Hmmm... okay.  That doesn't scream bats in the belfry at all, does it??  I get everyone just wants to be loved; but WOW.  And with that?  I suddenly felt as though I was the intruder on our date; rather than Chuck intruding on us.  Figured that was a sign & decided it was time for me to go...

Next week?  I'll remember to ask about pets.

(1) Thank G-d for my housekeeper because if I had to clean house on Saturday?  No way I'd pull that off.
(2) Who didn't?  Also crushed hard on Tom Selleck until someone (*Michelle*) pointed out he looked like my Dad and darn if that didn't just kill it for me.  My MOTHER did the same thing not too long ago with Robert Downey, Jr. & the comparison to my Dad.  Darnit, Mom - that was just wrong... Love Dad, but it's not right to compare him to my celeb crushes! :p  Oh well, still have The Rock & Cusak & No One will make a comparison to my Dad with either of those.
(3) what? I like my 'coffee drinks' :p
(4) the dog has preferences.  It's a dog; who knew???

Myspace Migration: So, here it is... Week 2 of POF and other stuff about Men

Emails: 402

New guys conversing with: a couple of interesting ones and a couple of crazies and one or two that are just plain sad

This has been a really hectic week with POF. There was a guy that I was talking to, but now I'm not. He really kind of creeped me out - too mushy, too fast. Started out really nice and normal, but ... yeah. Not so much.

Next we're going to move onto the guy who tried to guilt-trip me into communication by giving me a hard time because I didn't respond to his very tempting original email of "You're pretty; I didn't read your profile." Now, really, what girl wouldn't want to respond to that??? So, after a few days, he sends another pulitzer prize winner of 'Never Mind.' What the hell?! So, I ask him what exactly he was trying to aim at there. I'm going to share his response, and mine back...

His Response: "thought you was nice looking,i firgured a thank you would be your responce.thats where real beauty is inside a person.even if you wasnt interested you could have said something.dont feel bad 90 percent of the women in here dont respond.such shallow women.i know i am fat and even ugly.i am still human."

My response back: Ok, there are some serious self-esteem issues. The reason I didn't respond was:

a) your whole message was incredibly shallow (speaking of such). You even SAID you didn't read my profile - so, what exactly would make me want to contact you?

b) when I actually took the time to go look at your profile (again, a courtesy you didn't even bother to afford me) there was NOTHING about you. At all. Not exactly a big motivator to send a message. Your appearance had absolutely nothing to do with it.

c) Not that I think I'm all that, because I'm certainly not, but even still - I've received over 400 messages in the last two weeks. While I wish I could respond to everyone, I can't. I don't have time - I can't even respond to everyone who has a genuine interest in ME, rather than just my 'good looking' exterior, as you put it... the only reason I even responded was to kind of make a point that it was a really dumb email to send... it reeks of insecurity, which even if you do get the desired response of an email back, it's not going to be one that you really want .. it's going to be a 'what the heck?' kind of a thing.

I don't feel bad about not responding - that's like saying you're obligated to talk to a telemarketer simply because you had a phone... I didn't ask you to write me. You took a chance, and that's admirable, I guess... but it doesn't obligate me to a response. The people who are interested in pursuing you further? In returning your initial interest? Will respond back. Those who aren't and therefore don't? Are not necessarily shallow - they're just not interested. Hopefully there is something in this you can glean from and make adjustments to your tactics accordingly, so that you can have more success with someone else in the future. Good day.

So.... am I wrong? Are you obligated to a response simply because someone writes to you? And yes, I do know I kinda went overboard with the response, but I had a headache, which made me a little grumpy... :/ Anyway...

Speaking of, I received another email from an old boyfriend. Think like .. high school old. He got my number several months ago after his cop buddy looked it up - we're just not going to touch that right now. LOL Anyway, he has mentioned a time or two that he would be interested in getting to know me... on a more romantic level. We're not on the same page - we're really not in the same place in life and I'm just not a girl anymore - I'm looking for something a little more... realistic? I don't know... Anyway, so I get another declarative email on Saturday. This wouldn't be any kind of a deal excepting for two things: 1) I've pretty solidly rebuffed those kinds of advances, in a friendly way; and 2) I'm pretty sure he has been dating someone on my friends list?? Not that it's necessarily serious, or that I really care, but I have to ask... is it cool to do that? I mean, it's not like I have 700 friends or anything like that.. I kinda know the person he has been 'talking with.' It's .. awkward to know that and then get another email from him AFTER talking briefly with her about him. But again, maybe it's just me? Is it wierd, or socially acceptable, for an old boyfriend to kind of date someone on your Myspace Friends list while potentially trying to date you??

I think that's all - just writing that out kinda made my temple throb again! Might be time to go find some Excedrin.

Myspace Migration: Give a Girl a Fish

... and you'll feed her for a day. Give her a place to go fish, and she might just turn up plenty. But, a girl's gotta ask... can you pass 'plenty of fish' and move into 'too many fish??'

Week one of being a 'Plenty of Fish' member. In one week, I've now received around 189 emails from over 100 different men. Some have been intruiging, some have been entertaining, and some have been 'excuse me?' worthy. I have met a couple of the people on there, just because they work near me and we were able to set up a daytime thing. There are a couple of guys that I'm looking forward to meeting, because they seem really great. There are about 80 emails I haven't even been able to really get to yet. So, there's my progress thus far. Here's what I've learned about me so far (because it is, after all, all about me! LOL):

1. I am uncomfortable with the people who knew me from other places contacting me through that site. It just seems wierd to me, I think? I don't know, I guess I feel lik eif I haven't 'taken the bait' in other arenas, I'm not likely to be 'your fish.' (Man, I'm milking this metaphor for all it's worth, aren't I?) Continuing to push it feels semi-stalkerish.

2. I prefer the positive profiles as opposed to the negative ones. While that sounds like a 'duh' kind of thing, hear me out. You have this area to tell people about yourself, and what you're looking for. I prefer the men who spend that area telling me about them, instead of all the stuff that don't want, don't like and the dozen or so requirements, rods, and reels you'll need to be able to sufficiently 'bait' your hook. On that note, there was one guy who sent me an email just this morning - his email said, "If you like what you see in my profile, write back." Ok, normal enough. Well, when I go to his profile, there's this whole diatrible about how rude you are if you don't respond. He actually started out with that, and then referenced it a few more times throughout. That alone? Made me not want to talk to him.

I LOVE the profiles that are more than 3 sentences long and give me some kind of a sense about who I'm emailing before I write them. It's great when you tell me about your interests, your job, your viewpoints, and/or your family. There are also some that have music on them - that's pretty cool, too!

a. Not so sound like I'm on some Diva-trip, but it's not possible to email every person back. And I'm certain, beyond all shadow of a doubt, that I'm not the most popular person on there. And honestly, I don't think there should be anything that obligates me to spend 60 seconds on each email that I receive saying, "Hey, your profile sounds great, but you're not for me. Thanks!" Or is this the standard ettiquite and I've missed the boat? I know I don't expect for every guy I email (well, I have really only emailed one or two, but still..) to email me back.

3. It seems like I get three kinds of responses:

a. "I like what you had to say in your profile" - These guys typically make some reference to something I've said in my profile and -usually- some kind of comment about how they read the whole thing and boy, it was long! LOL These are the guys that I typically like to respond to the most, because it -hopefully- means that they've connected with something about ME, not just one of the pictures on my profile.

b. But, then there are the guys who just put something like 'You're pretty' or 'You're hot' (to which I ALWAYS, every single time, laugh) or something about my appearance and then "Write me back." For me to write those guys back is a pretty rare thing, because half the time I don't think they've even READ my profile (based on the questions of the majority of those that I did go ahead and respond back to, the answers for which were IN my profile) .. so, they're just contacting me on my appearance alone. For some reason, in my mind that equates to a level of shallowness that I find terribly unappealing. It's probably unfair, but it seems like that's pretty much been what I've thought each time that I've read one of those emails. While men may very well be visual, the age of those that I'm dealing with (men in their 30s and 40s) are old enough that they should know that is not how women connect. That being said, it's not the kiss of death or anything, it's just not winning any major brownie points or seperating them out from their competition. (1)

c. Then there are the guys that sell themselves through their first contact. My favorite funny one so far is "Hey, baby, you should hit me back because I can make your earth Moooove. I've got a good job, a kickin' car, and a nice ass." Well, Gee, what else could a girl ask for! No, in all seriousness, I don't mind those at all - if they're obnoxious, or clearly not compatible, I just don't answer.

So there you have it; my insights on the first week. In the next week, I'll post more about the happenings at 'first meetings.' I am enjoying meeting new people.. still pretty casual about the whole dating thing in general. If only you could start at the 4th date, lol... I find I am still a little hestitant to set up the first date. I think it's because of the 'b' guys - I'm not sure what they've built me up to be in their head; and at the end of the day, while I'm pretty happy with who I am overall, rejection? Still kind of sucks - so if they've built me up to be more than I am, and there's disappointed in what I personally think is pretty fabulous (2), then it's kind of frustrating. I guess, at the end of the day, I figure I've got to get over it and set things up because when I'm looking back on my life 50 years from now, I want to be able to say I had the guts to get in the car. (3) I have found with the couple of people I've managed to fit into my schedule - largely because they work near me - I still don't get nervous on 'first dates.' It almost seems like a contradiction to me - I'm nervous before I meet them, but am sort of blase' when I do. Go figure...

~~

(1) I'm also a little wierded out when people get too intimate in their conversation too quickly... and these guys tend to be the ones that do it. I'm not talking about asking/talking about sex as much as I am talking about terms of endearment or being overly clingy within the first two hours of emailing back and forth. I have a name that most of the time, I'm pretty much ok with. And last I checked, it wasn't 'Babe,' 'Sugar,' 'Honey,' 'Sweetie,' or 'Pet.' This may be coming off as overly feminist in nature, and I don't mean it that way. It's not like it's going to get you thrown off the island or anything, but it does give me the heebe-jeebies. In movies, there's a thing called 'color blocking' whereby they dress corresponding characters (the romantic couples, for example) in shades of the same color or complimenting colors. It's a subconscious visual thing. In business, they say you should match the body-language of your clients/audience/etc... it puts them at relative ease. I think the same is true with terms of endearment; toss it out there if you like, it's no big deal.... but, if the person you're calling 'sweet lips' doesn't catch it and throw you back a 'sugar buns' then maybe you should hold off for awhile and try again later? To me, it feels a little bit rushed and clingy to come up with pet names/use terms of endearment before you've even met. Might just be me, though...

(2) come on, you know I am! LOL

(3) what can I say? I love the movie Transformers and it's on right now - too good to pass up!

Myspace Migration: I Like the Nightlife; I Like to Boogie

Ok, I can't even get past the first sentence - I'm still giggling about the title. As is probably anyone that knows me remotely well. Many things I am, a 'club girl?' Not so much one of them. But still, now and again, I'll get a little girly looking and go out with my friends. Like I did this past Saturday night.

We went to a club called Sting. Large place, and actually, as far as clubs go... it was pretty nice. There were 4 main rooms, each with a different feel. The front room was more for dancing: there was a bar and a ginormous video screen playing videos with scantily clad women moving in ways that flaunt flexibility that many of us will only dream about obtaining. A DJ was in this little cave in the corner - it was neat. To the left of that room was a billards room. To the right of that room, there was another room with a bar and a more Latin flair. Colorful music filled the room and there were tables - I think I remember my friend telling me that it used to be a restaurant? From that room, you could flow into a room where you had about 1/2" of personal space because that room? Was packed. It was more of a 'glam' look with dance music pumping out of the loudspeakers. This room, btw, was where people were getting checked out hardcore. It's also where the VIP area was, sleek couches with table service. That was actually the only area in the room that wasn't packed inch-to-inch. Still, everyone seemed like they were having a good time, and that was a good thing.

My favorite place in the joint was actually the patio area - and had it not been over 100 degrees even at night, we probably would have been there. It was inviting, and had a more relaxed personality to it. All in all, if you're a club person, you should probably check it out sometime - you'd probably have a lot of fun.

All that being said, I'm not a club girl. It's really loud in clubs! To the point that I had to fall back on reading my friend's lips... :D Also, I might just be a little too conservative to handle the way people 'hook up' in clubs and evidently, I'm too dense to notice when people are checking me out! This might be a self-preservation thing; because, I'm pretty sure if they were looking at me the way they were leering at my friend, I wouldn't be able to do anything but stand there completely beet-red from blushing! Clubs just might be a little too forward for my tastes. But, it's fabulous for people watching... really fantastic people-watching opportunities. From the dress of the people there, to some of the cars they rolled up in, to the way they interacted with each other.. it's a cornucopia of interesting sights to behold. All in all, though, I might be more of a 'hang-out-with-the-neighbors' kind of girl... alternatively, if you find a coffee shop, you'll probably find me!! :D

Moving on, I'm a Fish. More specifically, my gal pal Daphne talked me into joining a site called "Plenty of Fish." I'm not quite sure 'talked me into' is even really the right phrase - might have been more like 'wore me down!' hahaha Anyway, I created a profile; stuck some pictures up and have been a member for a couple of days. Over the weekend, I received 6 pages of emails and ended up on 40ish 'favorites.' Evidently, if you see a profile you like, you can save it to your 'favorites.' Now, I'm not really sure what that does for you, other than might make it easier to find later, but I did notice that the site publicizes how many people picked you to be on their 'favorites.' Interesting. Anyway, it's not costing me anything and I have been introduced to a couple of very interesting guys via POF, so for now, I'm ok with being a Fish. We'll see how it goes. For now? I have to go to work!