This (Me), That (Dating), & The Other (New Year's Resolutions)

Man, I loved that Sienfeld Episode... it's such a perfect phrase, really: "This, that.. and the other." You know, the one where Jerry and Elaine try to have it all? Here's the thing, though - in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness... you really CAN'T have it all (as they found out).. you have to pick a path in order to be happy.

I was thinking about this today in relation to a guy I'm getting to know. I could take you through a lot of crazy backstory, but the net net is that this guy doesn't know what he wants yet... so, he's still trying to have everything. He'd like to have me, but I don't think he really knows if I'm what he wants. And for some reason (can't imagine why), I find that terribly unappealing. I respect it, but I know what I want - and it's not someone who's trying to have this, that and some other thing yet undefined.

This: I have joked many times about having it all. Of course, I know I -don't.- So, maybe what I mean is that in life, I have enough. If I never had more than I do today; when I was 50 years old, I wouldn't be wondering if I had the guts to get in the car. I not only got in it, I drove it. I've done more in many areas than I ever DREAMED to. I've been married, I've experienced love, I've had kids, I've known success and defeat. I'm seriously happy with what I've accomplished and who I am. Sure, there's stuff I'd like to improve upon, but that's why we have goals, aspirations. If there were nothing to aspire to in life, it would be a little dull indeed, would it not?

That: With that in mind, I think I'm rethinking on who I want to date. For awhile now, I've been fixated with people who were at 'my station.' I know, that sounds terribly snobby, and to a degree it is. I don't just mean socio-economically, though. I mean, in life experiences, how far along they are in their career, similarities of faith, and yes... gotta be kinda cute. ;) Here's the deal, though: I've noticed (especially with the men who have children, believe it or not) that the men I've met have by and large been either terribly insecure or overly discriminate given their lot in life. Hey, it's cool to know what you want in life and really, I'm totally fine if that's not me - but, a little bit of realism would probably help a lot of these guys out.

Just yesterday I had a conversation with a man that seriously? Is adorable. He's every Mom's dream for her daughter. At least on the surface. But he is a B.E.T.A.B.O.Y. through and through. I nailed that one on our second 'date,' and gracefully bowed out (good to know when you're not going to win). We've talked since and yesterday, he was whindering (it's a little cross between wondering and whining) about why he couldn't find a woman who would see him for who he really was. I asked the question, "What if they ARE seeing you for you really are and it is you that is suffering from delusions?"

Just a paradigm shift.. but, for many of us, it happens all the time in the other direction. We judge ourselves too harshly, sure that someone won't give us the time of day - so, we don't ever take the leap. Realism works both ways. Just as you need to know that the sun does not rise and set in your pants, that you are not the center of the universe and everything; you need to know you're worth something, too. Until you believe in your self-worth and know what you have to offer; you won't know how to work that angle and so it's likely the people that you want won't see it, either.

The Other: So, as people set the obligatory resolutions to join a gym, lose weight, spend less, save more, drink less hard alcohol, drink more wine, and be a better person.. maybe we should think about making resolutions to see each other and ourselves for who we really are and recognize the potential we have to improve the lives of others. I know for me, it's the only resolution I'm making - because really, who keeps all of those other ones, anyway?? :D

Whatever your resolutions are, or how you see yourself... I hope you have a fantastic time tomorrow night and a wonderful new year!

Myspace Migration: Times They Are A' Changing

So, on Christmas Eve, my Mother and I had to go to Target to pick something up (I forget what now, but it was terribly important at the time, ha!). While we were there, we ran into an old neighbor from the home I grew up in. She was a lovely lady; indeed, we had a lovely little neighborhood. As with most children - well, people in general, really - I believed that we had the best street. Everyone knew everyone, we all played together while our parents stood outside in driveways chatting for what felt like hours on end. We had block parties regularly where we'd play until the blackness of "late night" had set in and we could no longer see past the end of our noses; our parents, swimming in Kevin and Jay's parents pool (well, My Mom - my Dad doesn't get wet - he says he's a lizard). It was great times.

My entire life I longed to grow up and have a neighborhood just.like.that. One that was 'my neighborhood' and 'my street' - like LaQuinta was my Parents. I came to find out that this is more elusive than one might think. For a long time, I thought it was just times changing; a shift in generational priorities. To some extent, this is probably true - but maybe not in the blanket way I thought. I had always thought that we were just, as a grown generation, not interested in forming the relationships that our Parents formed with their neighbors. I was talking with my Father about it yesterday - my Parents formed the relationships they had through commonality. A commonality to which the degree is, perhaps, lacking given the 'grown-up' presence of 4 distinct generations - something that has not been present in the last 100 years.

Think about it - who were the people that made up your neighbors when you were growing up? For us, we had 2 sets of 'grandparents,' but everyone else was of my Parents age and generation. I think all but 2 more occupants of homes on our street had children. Most of whom were within a 5 year range of my brother and I (who have a four year age-span). So, out of the 30-some odd homes that were on our horseshoe shaped street, at least 26 homeowners were of the same generation, in roughly the same financial situation (at least the same social class - middle), with children.

Lots of common ground. The same parenting issues, the same teachers/schools to cheer, gripe about, be involved in, the same struggles with which to help one another overcome. Do we have that now? Again, I think not to the same degree. In my nieghborhood, we have a majority of "families with children" as occupants, to be sure. However, we also have a large amount of retirees and younger singles-/newlyweds who are working professionals without children - attracted by the lifestyle that our neighborhood offers through it's many amenities. I have occupied 3 homes in this neighborhood over the past 5 years (I know, I'm practically nomadic, but there were good reasons for all). On the first street, there were TWO other children on my street for my kiddos to play with. Most of my neighbors were much older than I; two were barely out of college and there were 4 that I actually NEVER saw outside of their home, so I couldn't tell you anything about them. I was very disappointed, to say the least, as I moved to the neighborhood hoping to capture for my kids what my parents provided for me.

The second street was somewhat better - there were 6 kids on that street of 50-ish homes that my kids knew and could play with. More who didn't have kids yet or were in the process of just starting their family. Even still, it seemed as though people knew the four or five houses on either side of them; creating 'mini-blocks' of people you could get to know and count on. Better. When we moved to Craig Ranch, that all disappeared. We knew 3 of the neighbors on my block - and none of the parents would let their children out to play unattended. Part of this was due to the fact that there was an honest-to-goodness sexual predator in the neighborhood; still there purportedly out of grandfathering prior to the school being built. Even still, it didn't feel like a neighborhood AT.ALL and I was glad when we moved back to Aubrey.

This last street has the most potential, I think, for capturing a glimpse of what we had growing up, but again, in that 'mini' mode. My daughters have good friends on the street, I LOVE the neighbors a couple of doors down and there is a neighborhood get together every Saturday where they drink wine and play cards - generally visit and enjoy each other. Many of the inhabitants of my block are around the same age; our children go to the same schools, we deal with the same HOA issues and all of our homes are within about 60k of each other. Most of the homes are dual-working, and all the kids that my girls know have similar extra-curricular activities. It's a similar environment, but it's not quite the same. Am I the only one that's noticed this, or does it seem like for one reason or another like there has been a change? Do you think it's the merging of the four generations?

Myspace Migration: I Want Your Text

... so, my family is, at this moment, debating the merits of texting. Why do people text? This is coming up because I've exchanged around 200 text messages in the last few days, all with my best friend and one other person. Dad doesn't get it - "Why not just call each other?" he asks. My Dad maintains that it's a sub-culture that exists for gen X and Y to keep people Baby Boomer generation and older out of the loop. Nerd.

My brother said it's better than having a phone conversation - I think my 'bff' (that was the buzzword of the week with my kids btw, lol) would agree with this?? He doesn't want the commitment of the phone call, he can just say a statement and keep it on track. You can text anywhere; you don't have to be decent (or for some, sober).

There are, of course, medical reasons - cerebral palsy, speech impediments, accents - ok, I get ALL of those. Here's how texting tends to work in my life. I have one friend that does it because she HATES talking on the phone. There's others that do it/have done it to let me know I'm on their mind (not going to lie, I'm ok with that ). Sometimes, it's just more convenient due to what's going on around me - in a meeting, so I have the kids text me or something like that. I often will text with people when they're out of town because they don't want to completely leave their fam/friends/whomever to talk on the phone. My favorite? Is at the club. I have hearing loss, so I can't hear for spit when I'm in a club/crowded place. So, I have a tendancy to text rather than try to shout it out. Also great when you're sick and live in a multi-story home.

Here's where I start to get a little lost on texting - when your entire relationship seems to center around the cell phone text. I guess online via email is a similar phenomenon. One should not have serious discussions via text. First declarations of love, major arguments, reconciliations, and goodness forgive break-ups... not text discussions. There are things that deserve face-to-face conversations. It's a respect thing for the person with whom you are in (or were in) a relationship with. I've also noticed a phenomenon where people in my life seem to be a little braver with both me (and others) via text.. saying things they wouldn't say face-to-face. Only thing that makes that better is if they add "jk lol" after it. (1)

And what about the safety issue of it? There are a lot of cities that are now banning texting from school zones. You know what I have to say about that? It's about freaking time. Seriously, we have ZERO business texting while driving down the road. I don't like it. I get it at red lights, but driving down the road? I'm challenged enough without having to figure out how to watch the road, steer and focus on the tiny letters on my blackjack. :/ Is there a voice-to-text application - that'd be safer, if you were using a bluetooth.

On the funny side, when do you think that texting will replace 1900 numbers? Someone mentioned today they received an email from an 817 phone number. Ok, so you can text-to-email ludeness, why not just replace phone sex with text sex? Then men in Brooklyn won't have to pretend that they're women from South Carolina while talking to some strange dude in Boise for $3.99 per minute about their 'love machines.' But, were you to engage in such behaviors of debauchery, I would strongly suggest you clean out your text folders prior to someone else seeing them. I have a neighbor who handed me her phone once so I could go through her texts to get this pic someone had sent from our kids' school. What I ended up finding was (I hope) her husband's private parts, in XXX form. When I recoiled, she laughed and said she traded pics with all sorts of people (we'll not discuss the inappropriateness of that, as it falls under the category of 'to each their own'). In sinstances like that, I think your phone should come with a warning label like:

However you use it, or don't, clearly text isn't going anywhere anytime soon. But I'm hoping it doesn't replace the phone call, either... I kind of like hearing voices just as much (well, more) than reading words. ;)

Myspace Migration: Ramblings from the Sinus Stricken

Ah, I think I should start with the last part and work forward. I'm in love. Seriously, it's wonderful. My new beau? Tylenol. Tylenol Sinus, to be exact. Good gracious, there was actually swooshing going on in my head and ears that sounded like rapids when I woke up. I felt hopeless; but, then Tylenol swooped in and saved me. I still don't feel stellar, but at least I'm kinda functional. :) Functional meaning I am sitting up and I can take Bev to go get her car without fear of passing out - because evidently, they don't deliver it. :)

I had So.Much.Fun this weekend. Not that this is unusual, but it was grown-up, calm fun. Well, Saturday on was. Friday I acted like a teen and played Guitar Hero all night with Ryan. :) Saw some great Christmas decorations, some even greater houses, and found out that yes, I am still lousy at darts. Unlike bowling, where one day I woke up and realize if I just applied some simple geometry, my average would go up from 68 to something substantially better (130-ish, by the way). Anyway, got to go to what is fast becoming one of my favorite haunts - or at least, strongly preferred - and had outstanding company while doing it.

So, this guy I had been talking to totally made me laugh. We dated for a brief moment like 4 years ago. We talk now and again; he's a great guy and I'm glad he's my friend. We were talking about types of girls... you know how it goes - there's the fun girl, the bombshell you just feel lucky to be with, the friend type, and then there's me. I'm -evidently- the 'grown-up' girl - the one you date when you decide you're done randomly dating. Hmm. Not sure I would have classified myself that way. Is he right?

Maybe he is? I guess I am kind of living a 'grown-up' life. I work, raise kids, secretly read books and magazines on how to fix up my house, and feel like I've had an exciting evening when I spend a night at the museum (which I never seem to have time to do anymore), or go grab a glass of wine at Lochrann's. But, is that so bad? Seriously? But 'grown up relationship?' Still kinda feels like a slap. LOL Can I visit the 'fun girl' room?? LOL *Sniffle* Might be time for another fling with tylenol.

So, I have a business idea that really is brill - it's not new, but it's brilliant. I see all the off-shoots of it, but I feel a little bad because it might border on morbid? we'll see....

In another note of randomness, I'm watching PS I love You - totally am not a romance movie kind of girl, but there are some kick arse sarcastic lines in this one. For example:

"I have a social disorder. I don't have a filter, I just say whatever pops into my head."

"You're rude?"

"Yeah, but now I can call it a disease and they make pills for it."

"They make pills for rudeness?"

"Yeah, I know, right? They can make a pill to keep me from being rude, but they can't figure out the middle east. Go figure..."

Brilliant. And now I must go fix my hair and wake up my kid. And oh yeah, kiss up to my new beau. ;) I need to get back into the swing of writing, so maybe the next one will be better.

Myspace Migration: Pushing Paper in Politics, Reverse Racism, & Of Course, The Economy

Pretty much everything that's a) not paying my bills, b) holding my heart (talking about my girls - my youngest turns 10 on Thursday!!), or c) attracting my interest (and yes, that would be a half-hearted stab at boys/boy toys, lol)....

There's a push in local governments (actually, it's a nationwide thing, but it's done on the county level) to encourage voters not to use the computerized ballots; instead, pushing paper ballots to ensure accuracy. While this totally reminds me of the Robin Williams movie, Man of the Year; it also doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me given the 2004 debaucle. I don't think the issue there was electronic voting, was it? And it still managed to get screwed up - so, I don't think I agree that the electronic voting machines are 'compromising the sacrosanctity of the American Voting System' (As was suggested sometime this weekend by someone on CNN- or one of those news channels).

Use whatever method you want - just get out there and make your voice heard. Going with my 'drama queen/energy vampire' blog from earlier; if you don't engage, you lose the right to complain when you don't like what happens next.

Speaking of voting, I can't shake the vomiticious feeling I get each time I think about the people that are voting for Obama simply because he's an African-American. Voting for the 'electrifying shockwave' that will come from the history-making placement of a black person to that office. Let me say, while I agree it's a positive testament to where our Country has advanced to that we could do that - it's still feeling like a form of reverse racism to me when that card is played. Voting for Obama because he's black, or McCain because he's got the 1st female VP... it's no different than not voting for them for the same reason. If someone told you they wouldn't vote for Obama because of his race, or McCain due to Palin's gender - you'd be incensed, and rightly so. Because things over which we have absolutely no control should not be a factor in something as sacrosanct (proper usage of that word there) being the leader of one of the most powerful Nations in the world. Any political office, really - I think we've, as a society, trivialized the importance of what they're doing. It's a governing position - government? Leadership? The people we vote into office need to know.what.they're.doing - because we? Often don't. Your race and your gender will not, should not, qualify you alone. So why does it come up?

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Black Monday - the market crash of 1987. It will be interesting to see what it does and how the market reacts to some of the news we've had since closing Friday. We are clearly in a recession in some parts of the Country, if not the Country in whole. There's no denying that - and it kind of makes me think of the candidates in play for President. I REALLY am concerned about McCain's strategy for balancing the budget - even if he does manage to figure out how to balance what could be as much as a Trillion.Dollar.Deficit, he won't be able to do it without massively compromising the Treasury, will he? How do you lower taxes, or make strategic tax cuts, without reducing the amount of money coming into the treasury? If we're going to balance the budget - won't the Treasury need more, not less? So, maybe you ... do what? What can you do that won't ultimately devalue the dollar??

Thoughts? Care to share your own concerns about politics or the economy? As always, you're welcome to post a comment here or send me a message. :) Now I'm going to log off and contemplate narcisism. Night!

Myspace Migration: Dirty Little Secrets

Who has to know?? :) I really don't know why that song is so totally stuck in my head, but it's workin' for me... how about you??

My dirty little secret? Is a word... specifically, THE word: Fabulosity. And, I must say, I'm terribly disappointed and disillusioned to find out that Kimora Lee Simmons totally STOLE MY WORD! LOL - ok, I'm just kidding; well, about that being my dirty little secret anyway. But I'm serious about how that was my word and I was totally crushed when Bev told me that she has been using it. And, as it turns out, my eldest knew that, too. She is a fan of the 'Kimora Lee Simmons show: Life in the Fab Lane' - fortunately, I can say that I didn't get her hooked on it. Because everyone knows me that I? Am decidedly NOT a fashionista. But, sure as can be, she has me watch it with her today and KLS (who is totally a living, taaaalll barbie doll) not only uses my word, but makes it a perfume. So, now I'm on the hunt for a new word. :p

So, here's my REAL dirty little secret: I have been violated by POF. Seriously, unabashedly, really violated. This guy that has been emailing me since the day I joined called me to talk. No big deal, right? It wasn't at that point, but... then... he, um, self-serviced while talking with me. Now, he didn't come out and SAY what he was doing and no, I was not channeling the chick from Debbie does Dallas over the phone. I noticed while we were having a perfectly normal conversation that he was breathing rather heavily - ok, he's working out, I thought... no big deal, right? Then, he asks me if I was a cheerleader in High School (did I mention I'm 30 and high school was like 14 years go???)... Correction, he TOLD me I was a cheerleader in high school and kind of whimpered? At that point, I figured it out and was totally.utterly.disgusted. I jumped off the phone as quickly as possible and had to take a shower - 'cause his dirty little secret's filth was rubbing off on me. Ew!

I decided to make a quick list of other dirty little secrets that need to be scrubbed clean:

1) It is generally not cool to save a Low Fat bottle of salad dressing and refill it with dressing bought at the Cheescake Factory - simply being in a 'low-fat' package does NOT make it good for you. (nor for me, when I unwittingly eat it! You know who you are, lol - I love you, but was totally cheesed when I discovered that and it totally jacked up my eating plan for the day, lol)

2) So, the babybel, individually wrapped cheese rounds? That red stuff they're in? That's wax. Don't eat it. :) (That Secret? Is mine - I am a total goob, but I didn't know.. really until they started with the commercials recently, and now I totally understand why that cheese made me sick all that time ago!!! LOL - In all fairness, I -WAS- Eight & at my Uncle's Funeral; but still... it made me sick enough I didn't touch it again until recently.)

3) "Friends with Benefits" - if you're into that kind of thing - means you're actually friends outside of the sheet wrestling. If the only thing you do together happens in the bedroom... you? Are that person's dirty little secret - and that? Is called 'booty calling,' I think.

4) Speaking of booties, Kim Kardashian just used hers to 'booty strike' a guy in her self-defense class. And that? Is my dirty little secret... My daughter now has me hooked on Keeping up with the Kardashians and Life in the Fab Lane (if for no other reason than they're both train wrecks, but seriously? I might need to talk to her Dad about her weekend TV choices??). Maybe we can just generalize my 'Dirty Little Secret' to E!Style Channel, all the way around - because I'm fairly certain that while the channel may make me really pretty , it's not so much about making me a better person. LOL

Yeah, I know.. my 'dirty little secrets' aren't that dirty after all... but, what can I say? The dirtiest thing in my house is probably the laundry; speaking of which, I need to go do it. If you want to read more juicy secrets, check out this page - it's an ongoing community project called PostSecret. Have a great Saturday!!

Next blog, I'm going to touch politics - and maybe dating and politics?? Let's see if I can make the two work together well.. LOL Stay tuned!

Myspace Migration: It's Just a State of Mind

Ooooooh, this is too much fun! I had totally started writing a different thread, but then I got this:

Hello,
I'm [Name] and it's my sincere honor to meet you. I realize you are way out of my league but my observation about you and your profile is that you are absolutely amazing. Everything I read and the pictures I saw lead me to believe that you need to change nothing. I know you think you do and are working hard to do so but in my opinuion you are exactly perfect the way you and and if other's don't think so to hell with them. You are amazing and I don't know why you are even on this site. You must have men lined up to meet you. We actually have a LOT in common but I hope the man you do choose realizes what a special gift God has blessed him with in you. I hope you and your daughters have a GREAT Labor Day weekend.

Guess who it is? Come on... take a wild stab at it. It's the 'shoplifting the pooty' guy from yesterday!! Ahhahahahaahahaha!!! Am I evil for wanting to have fun with this one?? What happened to the aversion to kids? Hmmm.....

On a more serious note, I got an email from a guy asking how he could get a gal to 'reel him in' on the dating site. I'm going to be addressing this later from a 'what not to wear' type standpoint with some of the emails, conversations, and profiles that I've received from POF. A couple are QUITE humorous, so stay tuned!

And let me know... should I play with this guy or take the high road and ignore it????