I Said MISC, Not Milf!

I had a bunch of random stuff that I wanted to address, but I don't think any one concept is long enough to address in a blog... so, welcome to my miscellaneous blog!

First thing I want to hit on is the term MILF. I was actually 'hit on' with this term earlier this week. Maybe I'm a little misguided, but this does not seem like a compliment to me. In fact, I can't help but have a little bit of an 'ewww' factor when I hear that term; most especially when it's slung my direction. Why? Because I -AM- a Mom. Maybe it's just me, but it flirts with a pedophilic feeling when used by someone no longer in high school, talking about their buddies' Moms. The guy that used it with me? A surgeon. Who's 41 years old - definitely NOT still in high school. First time he said it, I tried gracefully avoiding it after shuddering a little inside. Second time he said it? I asked him why he thought that was complimentary (in true Crystal style) - his answer? "You know, because most Moms are frumpy - and you are definitely not frumpy."

Ha.haha.hahaha - I'm probably frumpier than my personna lets on; but, still - I don't think most Moms are frumpy, either. In fact, some of the out-and-out most 'out there' personalities I know belong to Moms. We're not just June Cleaver anymore; we're Executives, we're part of the X and Y generations - we love Shoes, great make-up, and good times. We WANT to enjoy all of our life; not just one facet of it. So, no, we really don't look all that frumpy (not that I mind the pearls look, either); but I still don't want to sleep with someone that's looking at me though the 'Mom filter' unless it happens to be the Father of my children. And since we divorced 5 years ago, that ship has sailed and sank, too!

Picking up from the text messaging blog a few back; I really DON'T like texting. I have learned this about myself - I mean, I knew it wasn't one of my favorite things - but, I have learned that I will not, am not, going to be put in a position where it's my primary vehicle for communication with anyone. Especially not a guy. It's a lame-duck way of having a conversation. Besides, there's something very intruiging about a man that can captivate my attention with a well-worded, well thought-out conversation. So, that might become something that gets thrown on my 'warning flare' lists for guys that I am talking to or dating. Texts? Are fun, flirty and absolutely ok when you can't talk on the phone. Or need directions, or to inform someone you're running late. Outside of that, I don't think they have any place with me.

So, I think maybe playing darts might become one of my typical 'get-to-know-a-guy' routine. I mean, it's fun to do with friends, too - but there are definitely things that you can reveal about a guy when you're playing darts. Especially when you're a bad dart thrower like I am. :) I've done this with a couple of guys now and really, it's interesting to see the differences in behavior. With one guy, he was very gentlemanly picking up the darts that landed on the floor (and above the dartboard, and in the chalkboard, etc). The other? Laughed as I went and got them. Not a big deal (had you seen my throws, you'd have laughed, too), and certainly not something I'd stop seeing anyone over; but the guy that went and got them for me definitely got bonus points. One guy was competitive with me, while the other might have taken a little pitty on me and helped me position and aim. Can you say yummy close-up moment?? My throw still blew, but his cologne smelled fantastic! LOL

Anyway, I think it's a good activity that can reveal gentlemanly behaviors and can allow for some easy comparisons. But, here's the thing: does it set up a wierd sense of deja vu (or something like that) if you do? I mean, you want to be fully present in whatever activity you're engaging in, including dating. So, if you're doing the same thing (or perhaps worse yet, at the same place) with one persona as you did with another... can you really BE fully present?

That's enough for now - I'm working on something else that I might put up later; but, for now, it's Saturday Morning baby! I'm off to workout, get my nails done, hair cut - good times! Must look cute tonight. ;) Oh, should be testing out a set of golf clubs today, too - driving ranges everywhere, beware!

Sunday Morning, Rain is Falling...

Great song. And Bonus! Actually applicable to the day. Had a really easy morning with some quiet time for myself; something I don't have a lot of lately and should probably schedule more of. Made myself a mammoth "nice to do" list of 17 items and knocked out 14 of them, no sweat. :) Relaxed and accomplished? I can deal w/ that.

One of the things on my 'to-do' list was to make my meal schedule for the week. I can't tell you how much I enjoy this silly, simple activity. Love, Love, LOVE cooking! During the winter, I really like to lean on my slow-cooker but I hadn't been able to find it. I have a theory that Bev (1) probably snagged my slow cooker when she finally left and I'm just now realizing it because I'm over the "make a 3-course meal every time we eat" phase. Not sure, though - but fortunately, Chris let me borrow his slow-cooker so I'm back in business until I either locate mine or break down and buy a new one.

Slow cooking? Rocks. Throw it all in during the AM hours, set it to low and move on with life. I've got some great recipes that I love making in the slow-cooker; so, I'm sharing them with you as I go along each week via FB. :) The chili one from last week?? TOTALLY gotta try; it's yuuuuuumy!

Switched rooms with Lindsey this past week... that? Has been an adventure and is absolutely going to be it's own blog sometime this week. :P Ok, back to work - have to search for candidates. Finally getting into the swing of my new job; I'm really enjoying it!

(1) a friend that was "staying" with me (read: leeching off me for most of the time) and prima-donnaville way too quick for way too long with a penchant for making it sound like she was doing ME a favor while costing me significant $ and damaging things as she left. I never would have done well with roommates, but at least they pay an equitable share of the cost!

It's A New Year and It's. On. You.

Happy New Year, folks!! We're at the dawn of a new decade and it seems to me like there's no better time than RIGHT NOW to spend time on one of my favorite topics to muse (read: rant) about: personal accountability. I spend a fair amount of time talking with people both personally and professionally on this subject. But, for some reason? I've yet to blog on it. Correcting that now. ;)

My former boss and CEO of Kaye/Bassman, Jeff Kaye, said something to me years ago during my interview that's stuck with me: "We either believe we are the uncontested author of our destiny and we act on it... or, through our inaction we show we don't." (1) I've applied this in many different areas & ways in my life over the years -but what I mainly took from it is that I have a much larger 'control' over my life than what I often want to give myself credit for. And so do you. If something's off in my life, be it personal or professional, I'm really the first person I should be looking to for change.

As a recruiter, one of the occupational hazards I have is hearing people just whine about how awful their jobs are; usually for one of the following reasons:

1. Workload is Off-Whack
2. No discernable career path (lack of promotions)
3. No Work-Life Balance
4. Poor Treatment from Boss or Co-Workers
5. Not enough Money

There's always a good story that goes with it; and a 'good reason' for the discontent. But you know what I never hear? Anything that's been done to try to change it. Every once in awhile, someone will tell me about how they've vented to their boss or told off a coworker... but, nothing really beyond that. And then they'll go off and get a different job; and in a couple of years? They are back in the same spot... discontented. The only thing that changed was where their paycheck came from. And they're befuddled... I'm not. They're not taking any accountability for their part in creating their environment.





The first thing any of us should do when discontent with a situation in our lives is to gamefilm it and see how we got to where we are. What hand did we play in our current situation? 8 times out of 10? It's big. We'll take on too much in an effort to please; and then resent our bosses/companies for not being clairvoyant & seeing we've lost our personal lives. When what we should be doing is setting healthy boundaries regarding our workloads/hours, communicating those boundaries respectfully (2) and reasonably sticking to them. Your boss? Has a personal life, too - he/she gets it... but, is tasked with getting more done than they often have the resources for and so will lay it on as much as we'll let them.

Same thing goes for our personal relationships - if you're not being treated well? You get a free pass on that once.. maybe twice. After that? You've got to accept accountability to the situation because you ALLOW(ed) yourself to be treated that way by staying in the situation or not demanding change. If your partner is inconsiderate, don't just tell them "you're selfish" - that won't fix anything. And just treating them the way you want to be treated? Likely won't work either; a by-product of self-absorption is that they don't see what you're doing. Help them - it helps you, too! Create a gameplan for change by setting expectations and even scheduling events that cause them to focus on you. Yes, it takes the spontenaity out of it at first; but you're helping establish a habit and redrawing the circumstances you're in. After a couple of months? Your partner will either pick up on it on their own or you might find it's time to find a new partner. But, either way, you took accountability for the fact that you probably knew they were this way, to some degree, at the onset (3) and so had some hand in your relationship environment.




It's easier, and initially feels better, to think we're not responsible for our lots in life. That things 'just happen' the way they do - but, it's delusional thinking. We really have a lot of influence in our relationships & environments... and the fact that we can do things to 'author' the book of life that we want? Seems like something to be grateful for in this new year!

(1) Ok, this might be paraphrased - but it WAS 2004 when we had this conversation
(2) RESPECTFULLY is the key word here; you get no points if you yell at your boss about how he/she is sucking out your soul for the company store. It'll be a funny story to tell at the bar; but will likely land you in the unemployment line.
(3) There are always signs

NaNoWriMo

I have to admit? I'm pretty excited about this year's NaNoWriMo. Why? I've been preparing for it for over a year. That's right - the background work on this year's novel started in 2009, thank you very much. Hopefully, that'll equate to a pretty good novel; but, we'll see. It will be nice to be able to get the 3 composition books full of notes into one coherent story. :p



For anyone who doesn't know (and I'm guessing that's going to be the overwhelming majority because it's not widely publicised), NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. For the last several years, I've participated. Some years, I hit the 50k words in a month; some years? Not so much. But every year I have a blast. If you like to write or blog and you haven't checked it out? You should; it's not too late to catch up. If you want to follow my progress this month; then you can check out my page... if you're participating, buddy me! :p I'm in the process of putting the associated blog posts that accompany the different chapters on Wordpress... I'll likely post that link shortly. Let the writing abandon flourish!

(For all of you who don't like chick lit; I'm actually continuing this project in December with a book on job-hunting and interviewing tips for candidates - but, NaNoWriMo is really about fiction; so, staying true to the intent for November.)

Kaye/Bassman Foundation Charity Raffle Letter

Hope all is well. Like you, my professional career has been varied but ‘very’ fufilling. J One of the things that makes working at Kaye/Bassman so special are the number of people that participate in our charitable functions, it’s something like 82%. Our impact is significant for a company our size. For example, last year the largest contributor in the Dallas Area for Muscular Dystrophy was Albertson’s (Rev $3B). The Kaye/Bassman Foundation was second. This is a long way for me to say that I need you to participate in this year’s charity event by purchasing a $30 raffle ticket. If you can do more, thank you. I would like to get 100% participation from those who I am asking to contribute. The marquee raffle item is a seven night stay at the Grand Mayan Resort in Cabo San Lucas. It could potentially be a downgrade from the home you live in, but it’s a very cool destination…. And who doesn’t like free vacation stays??You can do this online. Please click on this link and get started. It will take you 3 minutes: http://www.kbiccharities.com/ You can also see other raffle items here.

This is important to me. The other charity that the Kaye/Bassman Foundation supports is City House. The Mission of City House is to provide emergency shelter and transitional residential services to children and young adults who are in need due to abuse, neglect or homelessness. City House achieves this mission through its two premier programs: My Friend’s House (Emergency Shelter for 0-17 year olds) and TRIPS (Transitional Living Program for 16-23 year olds). This is the only program that I’m aware of in Texas that has the capability of really keeping these child family units together (which is part of their mission) during times of crisis.

For many included in this email, you may remember Ashley Watrous; the beautiful little girl who went to Providence Elementary and was accidently killed by her Father at Christmas time last year. She was friends with my daughter and many of our own children. City House/My Friend’s House is the organization that cared for her siblings… and was THE reason they were able to stay together and not shipped to separate, temporary foster homes. They helped those poor children grieve and process their sister’s death (in addition to caring for them physically) when they didn’t have family to do it… they made a positive, immediate impact in those children’s lives. Without City House, there is no way those kids would have stayed together like they needed – there just isn’t another organization in Texas set up to do it.

So, again, this is important and personal to me. I’m asking that you help us make a difference by please doing what you can. When you have time, give me a call. It will be good to speak with you.

Thanks and best wishes,
Crystal
cmiller@kbic.com 972.931.5242

Sweeping Me Off My Feet.... Romance & Relationships

Yesterday I posted on my FB status that sweeping gestures can be pretty cool if they're sincere. And you know, for the most part? I think that's true. An exception this is when it's a regular occurance in a romantic relationship. Romantic Relationship... Why do we call it that? Does every dating relationship necessarily include romance?









I'm reminded of a blog I read awhile back; actually had to go dig it up this evening. Since I often write about dating & the relationships that accompany it? I've always kept up with other blogs that write about relationships, sex, and dating. This particular blog is written by Patty Brisben, the Founder/CEO of Pure Romance. In it, she talks about 10 ways you can experience romance in a relationship. When I first read it, I wondered how many people did these things (or things like them) on a regular, reoccuring basis. I compared the list to my prior relationships and thought about whether or not I had done these things... or had they... ?



The results weren't really stellar. I had a habit of picking out the "grand gesture" guy and then when that rubber band would snap; settling back into a relationship with a guy that was allergic to romance. (1) Not because I didn't like romantic gestures... who doesn't like little things that show the person that you're with thinks you're special or cares?? (2) No, I think I did it because over time, I developed a fear of what those romantic gestures meant: they only came on the other side of something disasterous. Over time, I learned to equate romance to equal an aspect of an apology. And when that's the only time it happens? It makes it not cool. So, over the years, I think I developed my own 'allergy' to romance. I lent a leary eye to people who wanted to hold my hand, didn't really flirt much, and developed a disdain for watching romantic movies. (3)







The problem, is, though? That's not really fair to the people I date. It's bringing old baggage into new relationships - which, while to an extent is unavoidable? Never a good idea to have steamer-trunk sized baggage you've yet to deal with. You both end up paying for that and it's an expensive baggage bill. Not to mention the fact that there's some serious life benefits to daily (or close to it) dosages of romance... check this out (4):

1. Did you know that kissing is healthier than shaking hands? You're less likely to get a cold from the guy/gal you're with if you kiss them hello or goodbye than by shaking their hand. Yeah, I know, sounds wrong but it's true.



2. Kissing your partner goodbye each morning might increase your income. The Pollsters contend that their studies show that the man who kisses his wife goodbye before he leaves for work each morning averages a higher income than the guy that doesn't. This is attributed more to the character behind the man than the act of the ritual - more painstaking, more methodical, more stable ; but still, might be worth making a habit of! ;)



3. Your guy will live longer just by smooching you each morning. Another reason for men to kiss their women-folk before they leave each morning is that there is documented evidence that they'll live 5 years longer than those that don't, on average.



4. It's good for the economy. All that kissing helps contribute to the wearing off of women's lipstick... which is partly responsible for this quasi-gross stat: A woman will use up approximately her height in lipstick every five years. While this makes me shudder a bit; it's keeping Estee Lauder in business... so, kiss me already!!



5. It's not a bad way to burn some carbs. A fairly passionate kiss will burn approximately 9 calories. When you consider the average kiss is less than 60 seconds; if you make out for 20 minutes? You've burned off that coke you snuck in during the afternoon-duldrums.



6. It could lead to sex... which supports patriotism... kinda. Well, maybe that wasn't worded well, but America is ahead the global average of annual sexual experiences. Greece wins out at 138 times a year; we come in at 113, Canadians are sporting 108 sexual experiences on a PPA each year... global is 103. So, when you get romantic, it could lead to sex, which helps boost our ratings... maybe? Stretch?? :p Either way, next time you hear "Honey, I'm not in the mood tonight" I vote you try, "But Baby, do it for America!!" ha.haha.hahaha



7. Phone Romance could lead to a Proposal. Approximately 6% of men who propose each year do so over the phone. Now, what percentage of that 6% got a "yes?" Might be an entirely different statistic.



8. Hand-Holding Reduces Stress. While it may increase your chances of getting a cold, it helps your brain to keep from working overtime to handle stress. University of Virgina put out a study that shows when you're holding the hands of your significant other, it literally soothes the brain, creating a calming effect; making it easier to deal with tough situations and decreasing overall stress levels.



9. The Jones' Do It. The number one "romantic activity" rated by couples is one area that you probably won't mind keeping up with the Jones' on... and surprisingly, it's not sex (that's the 8th highest rated). It's actually snuggling on the couch watching TV/a movie. I don't mind going on record saying that's a regular occurance with my boyfriend and it's pretty relaxing (5).



10. It's Cheaper than Cocaine; and healthier, too! It's commonly believed that cocaine addicts are addicted due to the dopamine release that comes after a hit (6). It makes you feel elated, estatic, and even turned on. Guess what? So does looking at your partner - especially in the early days of a relationship... and it won't fry your body/brain or kill you. Well, unless you're doing it while crossing a street and therefore not looking both ways first. :p Other health benefits are as a result of more frequent sex; which comes on the other side of upping the romance factor in your relationship... but they are a better sense of smell, lower rate of heart disease, lower body rate, increased physical fitness, and higher levels of pyschological self-satisfaction.

With these kinds of benefits? Maybe it's worth giving it a shot after all... LOL






(1) This new introspective kick that I'm on? Bites. Sometimes self-awareness is not fun.


(2) And I think I'm fairly good at doing those things, even if I'm leary of receiving them. Yes, I get that's a double-standard. Again, introspection is a work-in-progress so back off. :p


(3) Still do, unless it's more comedy than romance and dear God, please don't make me watch a sex scene in a movie theatre full of strangers. Awkward! I'm also oddly proud that I've managed to never be sucked into seeing "Dear John" by my gal pals or daughter.


(4) Facts obtained from Romancepedia. Also some news article and Romance Unlimited.


(5) One of my fav. activities; though I'm not sure how much it counts for a 'romantic activity' when we're both asleep 15 minutes in. :p


(6) I "just say 'no' to drugs" so I have zero first-hand knowledge of this.

Dating & Arbor Day

I've personally never been one to really want to rush a relationship. Actually, the term "Commitment Phobic" might be a better phrase to describe my approach to relationships. For the last several years, I've been known to break out in hives and run the opposite direction when the terms "girlfriend" or "serious" were tossed out. Within weeks, I'd find a reason (1) to end things, a la Seinfeld... some silly obscure flaw or mental machination that justified saying:

(2)

So, imagine my utter confusion when I hear of friends or acquantainces rushing headfirst into major commitments and life-altering relationship statuses. It almost seems like it's some kind of a fad right now to 'take the plunge' after only being together a few short months. (3) Personally? I think it's kinda nuts; but to each their own, I guess. Pretty sure it's not going to be helping the divorce rate and associated statistics 10 years from now. On a semi-related vein, my ex-husband recently remarried. I really like the lady that's now my children's step-mother - thank goodness - but it was a really short courtship that initially gave me pause (4). I guess time will tell whether it was a hasty decision or not - but for now? They seem happy. A couple of friends of mine have gone through tumultuous divorces after whirlwind romances of under six months led them to marriage and subsquently divorce court within 13 months after saying "I Do."

Anyway, was talking about this with the guy that I've been dating over the last couple of months; because it IS kind of dumbfounding to me. He made what at first seemed like a pretty off-the-wall comment, "Need to see how they act on Arbor Day before you say 'I Do'." (5) Basically, the point is that there's wisdom in waiting at least a full year before making a life-long commitment to another person. I totally agree with this and could potentially see adding another year or few to that equation as being generally wise. Obviously, every situation is different... but, I do believe overall slow and steady wins the race... away from divorce court. When you think about it, everyone's on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. This is why I say it takes crazy at least a full three months to come out and play. Why lock yourself down before that?? So, Arbor Day... have you experienced it in your dating relationship yet? :)

(1) Or Thirty
(2) In reality, it really has been ME.. but, what fun is there in admitting that? Much better to potentially emotionally scar the other party by blaming them, right??? :p

(3) "a few short months" was intentional phrasing. Stacking up against the promise you make of 'forever' when you marry? Months are SHORT.

(4) Obviously, I want to see my ex- happy; but the pause was for the kids. Clearly, as a parent? I want to see their lives as stable and happy as possible! :) And when your kids say, "Dad's getting married because he wants to see where the relationship can go and this is the only way to do it?" Um... initial red flags. Fortunately, they weren't quite relaying the WHOLE story.. he really loves her, too. ;)

(5) Or something to that effect. Anyway, I knew there was a reason or few why I like him. ;)