Jesus Didn't Tap Out..

No, those words of wisdom didn't come from me; it was in my newsfeed from one of my FB friends. Got me thinking, though; during a season in my life where I have struggled with feeling 'tapped out' trying to balance it all? I'm surely grateful He didn't.

I teach my children to look to their faith for answers (and then tell them what to do and how to do it). I join a company for the team companionship (and then continue try to do it all on my own). I try to be there for my friends (but I rarely let them be there for me). Makes dates with really GREAT guys (but then don't have time to go on them). See a pattern emerging? :). 'Cause I think I do!

Three years ago, I wrote about trying to be 'supergirl' - wanted to have it all or die trying. Perhaps the truth to 'having it all' (or trick, depending on perspective) is that we don't have to TRY - Perhaps we already have it. God gave us all we need; and so of course provided a means to keep it! There is a sufficiency in the framework of our Faith that provides the balance that we alone lack... Keeps us in the game, keeps us from 'tapping out.'. There's loads of scriptures that point to that; but my banner has always flown under this one:

"I can do all things through Him that gives me strength." (Phillipians 4:13). So why am I so tired (besides the obvious medical issues, of course LOL)???

While trying to help a friend through some stuff, I realized that as I was preaching 'surrender your load to the Lord' - give it to Christ because He's big enough for this... I had the help, but wasn't surrendering the lead of the load. For whatever reason(s), be it remnants of control issues or simply not slowing down to breathe; I wasn't allowing the fruits of the faith to sustain Me. Need to fix that; or rather, need to take the fixes God's already provided me.

So that's it; there's my big revelation. I don't have it all worked out yet; but I'm publicly proclaiming to my friends that I am starting to 'get it' and what better time than Easter to write about it? After all, it's because Jesus didn't tap out that I don't have to, right???

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

It's Crystal Clear...

that blogging on Facebook? So not going to happen; because my kids are on my friends list. Don't know WHAT I was thinking with that one - but it's not conducive to talking about relationships, dating, and all the hoopla that comes with it. After much thinking and inner-debate? I'm back here - and on Wordpress. :) With 4 blogs that I run or contribute to, I wasn't sure if I'd have time to keep up with this one - but, I LIKE talking about dating and being a single gal in Big D. So here I am! :)

To kick things off, I'm going to write about 2 very polar opposite experiences: coming on WAY too strong and coming off way too ... I don't even know the right word. So, I'll start with that one. A guy recently told me that he's intimidated by me. Say what?!?! Ok, there's more than a few of my readers that don't personally know me; but for all that do? Intimidation is so not the word that one would typically use connected with me. Unless maybe if they worked for me - in which case, "bitch" or "ball-buster" might not be too very far behind (I'm very task-oriented and if honest, somewhat demanding - though I can honestly say I've cared about every single one of my employees). But, personally?? Yeah, it took me back a bit - I'm not sure what exactly would be intimidating about me! I'm a clutzy, goofy mess!

He says it's actually not ME - it's my blog. Not the first time I've heard a guy express concerns about being 'picked apart' online for all to see. Ok, I can appreciate that - but, I'm not going to stop writing. :) I'll just keep an eye open for the guy that laughs it off. :p And maybe it shouldn't be the thing I mention right off the bat when I go out with a new guy??



Now, the WAY too strong?? I'm still shocked by hard it is for some guys to comprehend "No, thank you." There's this guy; lives near me... I've solidly rebuffed this guy for the better part of 3 years. Think borderline, "Ouch, that had to hurt" when imagining my latest responses. There's no way in Hades this guy shouldn't get that I'm not interested. Yet:

Monday: Log into my email and there's an email from him: "Hey, our kids both have concerts the same night. Want to sit together? Then maybe we can all go get some ice cream after or something." (ok, this COULD be innoculous - so, I respond)

"FlirtyGuy," sound like fun, but I'm going to be sitting with the girls' Father and grandparents. Have fun at the concert!

Tuesday: Voicemail from "FlirtyGuy" - "Did you get my email? I think we should scratch the icecream and have dinner before."

Text back: "FlirtyGuy," I emailed you back. Still recovering from jaw surgery - don't like to eat much right now... so, we're going to have to pass. Thanks, though!

Wednesday: Facebook message from "FlirtyGuy" and the 12th 'friends request' in the last month. "So, when are we going to go out?"

Friend Request "Ignore" & Message back: We're not. Have a great day!!!

I'm telling you, if I get another advance today - his turkey? Is totally cooked.

What a Night!

So, we had Lindsey's birthday party last night. I'm ABOUT to go get them up for breakfast and toenail painting...

Let me start by saying, I think the girls had a good time? We went to the mall (after some drama that was slightly unnecessary, but not the girls deal) and they got to do about half of the scavenger hunt before the mall closed. They got four fun outfits from Justice for Lindsey. Most of the girls were pretty well behaved, except for...

1. Chucking Quarters off my balcony - while the adults and I were getting things set-up, the girls decided it'd be keen fun to toss off quarters and see? I don't know what. But let me tell you how not enthused I was when they came in to tell me they thought they hit a Corvette (they didn't, but it DID lead to a nearly ten minute lecture and banishment from my room). By the way, the balcony I was so keen on isn't really all that useful when raining... :)

2. Ok, this one I'm still trying to decide how I feel about... Our journey to the mall was delayed? By over half an hour. Why? Because one of the party guests had a parent in meltdown mode. Fun, fun. Not because of the quarter-chucking incident (that I would have understood, as I had a mini meltdown over it, too. But, because the guest's younger sister wasn't invited. Now, at least during the entire time they were all around me; her being invited was never discussed. She's not Lindsey's age, they're not friends (they're not NOT friends, but you know what I mean) and really, there were supposed to be 10 of Lindsey's friends here last night - have to cut off the invites somewhere.

When I talked about inviting the girl with the other parent, I was very specific on it JUST being the one girl. Of course the Mom knows that, but it's not her having the meltdown - it's the girl's Dad. Doesn't think it's fair that his younger child wasn't invited; so he's ranting, raving and upsetting his eldest. They're going to come get her, she can't stay, I'm totally rude because I didn't invite her sister, etc.. delivering this via cell phone to her. Who, in turn, is getting upset which is upsetting the entire party (because 12 year olds are inherent drama queens). The girl doesn't want us to call her parents - but at some point, enough is enough... so, I call. Bring the other kid to the mall and come find us, I don't care, but I'm really tired of having to go find the kid (and accompanying gaggle of girls) who has to keep running to the bathroom upset - can we not just go to the mall already?

By the time we are able to wrap that madness up and get to the shuttle? It results in having less than an hour to be able to hunt. Four stores knocked off the list; but like I said, I think they still had fun and Justice was AWESOME about letting us stay half an hour late to find outfits for Linds. What got me, was when the other parent showed up? She tried to say "I understand his postiion...(yada, yada)".. Um, no. I like her -she's fun overall and I enjoy that our children get along. But, really?

So, I guess I'm wondering - does inviting one child automatically mean the other needs to be invited if they hear about the party? And, if the other child is friends with your other child - they're GOING to hear about the party. So, is it just automatically required? In terms of Linds' party, it all worked out ok - having her there was NOT an issue because a couple of the other girls couldn't make it.. but, it's the point. And possibly the last minute delivery (read: why wait until AFTER the party starts?)...

Gotta go get the Embassy Breakfast going for the kids now. Later, yo!

I May Have Ditched the Rules, but....

If you haven't, you should totally check out 9 Things He Wishes You'd Do on a Date. I read it this morning and while most of it was common sense, it was definitely good for a giggle or two. The only ones I slightly disagree with are the 'Keep Your Google Findings to Yourself' and 'Follow Your Wacky Urges.' Here's Why:

Keep Your Google Findings to Yourself - Seems to me, there are two reasons to Google search someone and let's fess up: we all do it (and at this point, we all know we do). The first reason is obviously related to safety - let's see if this guy/girl shows up on any criminal- or pedophilic- type lists. The other reason and major side-bonus, is it's a great source for conversation starters. I mean, really, aren't the first few dates awkward enough? And, if two years into your relationship you DO find out that he/she used to have a temporary garfield tattoo fetish? Seems to me you should be able to get a good ribbing or two out of it! I mean, if we're supposed to good-naturedly laugh at ourselves... shouldn't we be able to giggle at him/her, too??

Follow Your Wacky Urges - This wouldn't be so bad, if the codicil 'within reason' had been added. I know there are definitely some things -I- don't particularly want to see straight off the bat. These things would fall under the category of 'Let Me Grow Fond of You First.' That way, when you tell me you really DO kinda like to moonwalk through the mall every single time you go or spend 50 hours a week on your MMPOG? You'll have built up enough relationship equity that I won't be tempted to run for the hills; I'll just maybe just pretend I don't know you while you're doing it (1). There's just some things that just don't need to be shared straight off the bat.

Now, showing your exotic bug collection or letting me know you still get geeked up over Spiderman?? That's a different story - I'm fine with that (unless you're showing me the whole collection over dinner and then ew!).

(1) Maybe. The second example? I'm still running... if your computer-gaming habits add up to as much as a full-time job? You've got NO time for a relationship unless they're online. And if that's your thing?? Have fun!

Dating...

There are probably few things in life that are more frustrating, fun, fufilling, and nervewracking as dating is. Because let's face it, at some point, we're all out there looking for our last first kiss. That's kind of a tall order when you think about it.

When we're young, it has to be perfect. We don't yet need to settle, so we look for Prince Charming or Angelina Jolie (depending on your gender, I guess) to come along and sweep us off our feet. We want butterflies, fireworks, and tingling... and we'll settle for nothing less. When we we're young, it's probably more about feelings and less about thoughtful, long-term compatiblity. So, it's really no surprise that our divorce rate is closer to 70% than 60%, is it?

For those of us that are dating in the 'middle ages?' We still have standards, but maybe they're not quite so lofty. Rather than hard-and-fast "types" that we may have held in our twenties, we have "preferences." Things we like, but aren't dealbreakers. For me? I like bald guys, some facial hair can be fun (but not like Woodsman Bob level), or if they have enough hair I can actually play with it - it's no fun when it has so much gel in it that it.doesn't.move.in.hurricane.force.winds. Anyway, those are physical preferences - not must haves. The must-haves become more realistic; for me, at this point they need to have true morals/values (not just stuff they SAY they do/believe in) that mesh with me, their career figured out, they need to be decisive, and they need to be able to stand up to me/call me out now and again (I'm pretty...opinionated :p).

There are many ways to meet people: the old-fashioned way (you bump into them in a hang-out spot or the grocery store), meet-up groups where groups of singles go out and do various different things together and just see what develops, and in the last decade or so? Internet dating has become the new staple of meeting your next "the one." Most of them are paid sites; you give them $30-$60 a month and they'll give you access to hundreds of profiles. Dig through them and perhaps you'll find true love; but, if not? At least you found someone to go to dinner with. I use a free dating site that a friend of mine turned me onto. Well, I say I use it - I HAVE a profile, I have bothered to go through the motions and met a couple of people. I've made a couple of friends... but nothing to write home about.




The problem with dating sites? Two things: 1, if you can write a decent profile, you get more responses than you can actually respond to. 2? You get to deal with people's baggage even BEFORE you meet them. People whose rampant insecurities go haywire before you even see them in person. For example, check out this exchange - not going to lie, it both amused me and made me glad I'm single:

This guy pops onto my page... I guess by virtue of simply looking at my profile, I was supposed to have with joyful exaltation return the favor and respond to some question he had evidently written on his. Newsflash: I don't use that site to date. It's really more of writing fodder at this point - but, he wouldn't know that, so it's ok. Here's his first, very stunning email:

From: freakuent_flyer (View Profile)
Subject: wth? Sent Date: 2/28/2009 9:55:31 AM

you have 2 car pic and a mile long profile, but no care to answer my question?

Yes, yes I do. I also have a few other pictures, thank you and I didn't ask you to read my novella. Not sure why, but I responded:

From: TheOneCrystal (View Profile)
Subject: RE:wth? Sent Date: 2/28/2009 6:36:39 PM

I'm sorry, did you ask a question?

And btw, insulting someone is typically NOT a good way to get them interested in learning more about you.

Take care.

Good manners would dictate he not respond.....

From: freakuent_flyer (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:wth? Sent Date: 2/28/2009 10:13:20 PM


i assumed you read my profile as i did with yours. thank you for reciprocal consideration.

Hmmm.... ok, now I'm kind of amused. I mean, come on...who wouldn't be attracted to a combatative approach that somewhat smacks of insecurity? Does he even realize that it makes him sound insecure? I'm intruiged...

From: TheOneCrystal (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:wth? Sent Date: 3/1/2009 12:48:19 AM

Ok, I popped onto your profile page. After the first couple of lines, it was clear to me that we weren't a match.

While I would absolutely love to send everyone that emailed me a return email, it's really not possible. I did the math - I'd spend about 2 hours a day on here, easy. And frankly, I don't have time for that. Not to make me sound like I think I'm all that - I don't. I am just cognisant of the fact that simply having a profile on this page does not require me to respond to anyone who may choose to 'reach out and write me.' It doesn't - just like you are not obligated to have a conversation with every telemarketer that hits your phone lines just by virtue of having a phone.

In fact, the only reason you are getting this response is because this entire tact somewhat amuses me and I'm already on the computer.

He apologized, which I gave him credit for - and then asked about the car pics. I don't see how they're really any different than the webcam pictures guys put up (and WAY better than bathroom pics, thank you)... so, I responded about those things. But, my above response holds true - do we OWE someone a response just because they mail us?

Coming off a "bad" week....

Chip away at what makes you "YOU" and you become someone else...

Interesting sentiment. How often do we do that? Chip away at what we want, who we are, what believe... in service of something that we deem right, bigger than ourselves, or that we think we want?? It's been a long week, my friends. But that quote is very much on my mind. As is the book, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." Anyone read it - or read it to their kids? My week felt like that book. Just every time I turned around something else was going wrong - nothing was lining up. Work was just all kinds of a mess, my daughter was having issues in school, the guy I was casually dating apparently decided to be a boy and pulled out his inner "Richard" for my personal enjoyment (1), my housekeeper quit because she got a new job, my favorite pair of boots broke, can't find my new LBD anywhere, could have sworn I bought 6 new black camis in the last month but for some reason, I only have one; plus, I got sick. I could keep going, but; too much stuff in a week.



So, now how does that relate to the quote, right? I think, there's a point, where you let your circumstances chip away at you. Who you are gets set aside for the person you become while you're dealing with said mess. For me, I tend to get less tolerant; a lot more task-oriented and my defense walls? Go WAY up. A big part of what makes me 'ME' is my ability to see the silver linings in things. I'm typically a positive person, and I like that. Sure, some people call it bubbly, or think I've the personality of a perpetual cheerleader. I'm ok with that, because it helps me to enjoy life and I'd like to think it makes things a little brighter for the people around me. But last week? Was hard to see the sunshine. If you don't pay attention to it, that temporary personality becomes your new, permanent one.

It reminded me of when I was working at another company. Wasn't the Company's fault, persay, but the timing around when I went to work there was off. Seemed like I was thrown into one crazy situation after another and had to deal with a LOT of hard, unpleasant things. It changed me. Because I let it. It took a lot of time before I realized it, though. And it was a lot of work to get me back to who I was before I went there. Before that, I had never thought that your surroundings could change who you are at the core - I wasn't an 'environmentalist' in that way. I guess, in a way, the surroundings can't. You do - We do - in how we choose to deal with it. That's not the plan for us, though - in the world, but not of it?

Anyway, I don't know where I was going with any of this, except to say that this week was a doozy and it reminded me of before. I guess I'm growing, though, because this week I saw it coming and was more or less able to deal with it - only took the weekend to get me back to my fun-loving, klutzy, positive self! That's progress, right?? Ok, since I bruised my tailbone and kinda hurt wrist with my latest and greatest display of my utter lack of coordination, I suspect it will take much longer to get ready for church today. I should get back to it. Enjoy your day, folks - and watch out for the circumstances trying to chip away at you. ;)


(1) read: irritation, mortification, frustration - the antithesis of enjoyment

Different Thoughts

Well, I guess it's time for another weekly entry of random thoughts strung together. What better (and probably obvious) place to start than with Valentine's Day??

I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. Part of it stems from the fact that every year since I've been an adult, something truly hideous has happened on Valentine's Day. Now, what that is tended to vary from year to year, but over time I just came to dread that particular holiday. This has become a very small part of it in the last couple of years and quite frankly, I barely registered it this year. But, I'd be lying if I didn't recognize that's it's part of the disdain. The other part of it is just that it feels like a VERY manufactured holiday to me. Do you really need a day of National Observation in order to show your sweetie that you care about them? Doesn't the very point of expectation diminish some of the significance behind the act?

I notice the expectations behind it fall more on the side of my gender. This is not an opportunity to show how much cooler I am than the rest of the fairer sex (though, clearly, I am.. LOL) ... but, from the feedback I received, it's clearly a chick holiday. I realize noone's calling to alert the media about this revolutionary breakthrough, either. It just maybe seems a little unfair?? One of my English buddies told me that over there, they've got a coordinating holiday for men - Steak and a BJ day. That? Clean cracked me up - but at least noone's going to go into hoc for it.




Moving on, I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" today with a couple of my favorite Gal Pals. This was where it became VERY evident that I was off my game today. I called this morning and gave the Movie Grill my credit card number so I could have the charges for the day put on my card. That would have been VERY smooth.. except we went to the Movie Tavern. Oops. Normally, I'm really good with those kinds of details. I like putting together outings for my friends and I, so for me to make that kind of slip-up is rare. Oh yeah, and for some Gosh-unkown reason, my wallet was under my bed. That? Was very convenient at Subway. *I am a hot mess.*

Anyway, the movie. It was good, I guess. But, in many ways, it was also really kind of sad. It reminded me of something that happened yesterday. I went rollerskating with the girls on Saturday and their Dad ended up coming, too. Which is fine, really. It's good that we can do things with the kids - a lot of divorced families can't becase the parents can't be in the same room without wanting to kill each other. It was a good time. But, just before we left, they played the cupid shuffle. Lindsey started dancing to it - with her Dad. That probably doesn't sound like a big deal and it was kind of cute to watch the two of them together... but, it made me really, really sad in a selfish way. That was totally the kind of stuff I wanted to do when we were married - and we never did any of it. We didn't really go out with other people, he certainly didn't dance and I'm reasonably certain that he didn't know what the "Electric Slide" or "Cupid Shuffle" was.

Now, before you think I'm dogging on my ex-, I'm not. The point I'm trying to make is that I don't think he could BE that person when he was with me. There are probably a lot of things that I couldn't be when I was with him - and it was just by virtue of being together. In a lot of ways, my ex-husband and I brought out the worst in each other - and there's really no further proof needed by then looking at who we are today. We're so much better apart than we ever were together; and I don't have -any- feelings for him... those ended long before we divorced. But, even still - it's easy to see how much more we've been able to do and be apart from each other. He dances, and socializes - I no longer cringe every time I go home, I don't worry about what I'm going to find, I can be alone and be happy. We're better. But what does that say? What does that say about us that we were so -not good- together?



It's not about him; it's not even really about me. It's about the fact that we? Did not start there. Noone does. Relationships are always good when they start - marriages are always happy in the beginning... otherwise, people wouldn't get married, right? So how do you know, really, whether the person you choose to be with is going to be a long-term positive or negative influence on your life? In the movie, the married couple were not positive influences on each other. Now, the guy was a GIANT gherkin; so, not a perfect example.. but, even still, they didn't bring out the best in each other. Anyway, it just made me think - and I'm sure this concept has been part of the reason that I'm really very selective about who I get into any kind of singular relationship with. I've come to a place where I'm pretty healthy, my life is really pretty good and together - I don't want to muck it up! :D I'm sure I'm not alone in that, though...

Ok, off to snuggle under a comforter and enjoy my wine!