I Enjoy Being a Girl...

So, they're talking about me on the news right now... well, so not ME specifically, but people like me. There's a name for us "Shoppinghaulers." We're the people that take our fashion finds online & share them with the masses. I actually used to do this quite a lot (as those that are connected to me via FB could attest to); but have less so over the last several months as my wardrobe really rounded out and there wasn't the NEED to go buy a bunch of clothes/shoes/jewelry all the time.

Love doing it, though; and as I just discovered that I now fit WELL into my nightie from last spring's pajama fashion show? I'm soooo likely to start doing a little more 'fashion flaunting' on FB & my blog... sharing some of the new trends/bargains that I come across this year. If you can ever get me out of my pjs, that is (1).

Speaking of clothes, after my closet reorganization, I found that there were a few fashion casualties after my recent relationship demise. The bra that goes along with aforementioned nightie (from Soma, which is awesome)? Missing. Black sheer robe and coordinating nightgown? Missing. Where is it? Who knows... Reason to go shopping? Yes... Yes, I think so! :)

My friend Lalli wrote in HER blog (2) about getting more comfortable with oneself as we age. I like this. It's healthy & life is just more fun when we are comfortable in our own skin. I'm not going to lie, I'm still hyper-critical of my body - I know every flaw & there are plenty, lol - but, I'm more accepting of that which I cannot change these days. Besides, as a girl, the one thing we have going for us above men is that there ARE fashion finds to fix practically any flaw... as long as we're clothed. There are bras that can transform your cleavage into whatever you want it to through lifting, sculpting, adding, reducing; 'scuba suit' spanx that suck/slenderize, built-in toning clothes, pants that add bootay if you don't have it (3), enough make-up to completely transform your face... men don't have this. And they're ok with it. I applaud them for their comfort or resignation to their own body-images; but for me? I'll continue to invest in good bras, a couple smoothing scuba-suits, my Mystic spray-tans, & leave the rest up to my gym membership. And that works for me; so, I guess that's what counts.

Fashion Find to Check Out: White House Black Market (of course) - Beaded Halter Dress Style No. 570020525. It's now on sale for $59.99! I have this and LOVE what it does for the cleavage! Pair it with a 'privacy panel' from Impeccable Pig - or Target if you don't have one of those nearby - & the Very Sexy Halter Bra from Victoria's Secret & you are good to go for a great night on the town!

(1) Seriously, I think I woke up the kids squealing with excitement - it's fab when something that used to fit perfectly but then didn't? Once again fits EXACTLY like it's supposed to!!! :)

(2) Which I love & you should check out ("This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things")

(3) a problem I'll NEVER have

(4) in a size FOUR, thank you very much!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

Social Network Fatigue #SociallyStrangled

Somewhere around 5 years ago, I joined in on the Social Network Revolution. While I came in a little later in the game on Facebok; for most sites I joined when they were still in their 'early adopter' phases... I cruised around, figured out where I fit and went.to.town. And I definitely wasn't alone. Facebook on it's own boasts 153 MILLION unique visitors and as of January of this year? Is still growing at a rate of a million more every month. That's a LOT of potential 'friends.' On average, my fellow Facebook friends, we spend around 6.5 hours a month updating our pals on our comings, goings, & innermost thoughts/feelings... and begging for farmville crops, of course (1). To put some perspective on this number? According to Neilson, that's over 3 times the amount of time Americans cruise around on YAHOO. For me specifically? I was pretty sure 6.5 hours would be a LOW estimate.

I kept track of the amount of time I was actively on FB for the last 60 days and tried hard not to modify it since I knew I was tracking it... I logged about 18 hours engaged. No wonder I'm tired.

You see, I'm what's "affectionately" (2) known as a "Super-User." My friends say I "Live Out Loud" and that's definitely true. I've always been one to say what's on my mind and had very little concern for whether or not it'd end up being embarrassing (3). The way I've seen it is that we all have our less-than-stellar moments; so, laughingly 'fessing up to mine might make it easier for someone else to laugh through theirs. Furthermore, people relate to people who are real. And in my line of business? That's a good thing. I'll tell you a lot of my posts are done to build relationships - frequent touches build recognition, which leads to interaction, which leads to network equity. That's priceless for me. Plus, I happen to actually LIKE my friends - every one of them, personal & professional... I can tell you how I know them, why we connected, what they do and something I like about them. So, all that about relationship-building is true... but, it's also because I get a kick out of sharing my thoughts and happenings.

KINDA.

Lately though, I've been feeling over connected. It's probably why I started keeping track of my FB time to begin with. While I was able to maintain and build on 'relationships' with people I wouldn't honestly have time to spend much/if any time with outside of the Internet; I was losing valuable interaction with those closest to me in my life. Because, what's the point of talking about that which I read about 30 minutes ago? I started noticing this about six months' ago when I realized about every 3rd or 4th conversation my boyfriend and I had revolved around something someone had posted on Facebook or something he or I had noted on our own pages. Since we were connected to a decent number of mutual friends; quite often we had both already read it prior it coming up. Out of politeness, we'd listen to one another rehash it; but I'd be kidding us all if I didn't admit it made for trite conversation 9 times out of 10. Because really, how deep and interesting could 'Guys shouldn't wear skinny jeans' be, anyway? (4) Bottom line, Facebook made it uncessary to pick up the phone or go over and see our friends 'Offline.'

And that's where our problems began, my FB friends - our relationships were taken to the 'online' level.

While it was a great day when I connected to some of my favorite people from when I was eight (Suzanne, Susan, Genelle, among others); and I was downright GRATEFUL for FB the day I was able to read about my Maid-of-Honor's major car accident so I could pray for her ... I was also annoyed. It bugged me when someone would tell me they didn't have time to call or spend quality time with me but had answered endless quizzes, commented on 50 different items on their newsfeed, and uploaded more photos of their car/kid/whatever in a day than I had over the last month. Hypocritical? Slightly. I recognized it; but it didn't change the way I felt. And then there was the narcissistic issue: we all have the friends who either have absolutely NOTHING to say but they can't just say that so they do the "I ate a lollipop" or "'sup?" status update; or found their own status so immensely entertaining that THAT is when they call you?! To tell you to go look at their FB page to check out the brilliant beyond brilliant thing they just wrote. I seriously knew someone who would go back and read their statuses over and over again like they had penned something at the same level as the witticisms of Mark Twain or Walt Whitman. Every.Day.

I realized I had begun to miss hearing about someone's day over dinner instead reading it on the FB app of my mobile phone.

That affects your relationship; you can't help but let it. Right? In many cases, I know I couldn't. A slow-build resentment would set in - especially after the 100th message I had to send of "seriously, the Farmville posts; could you stop posting those on my wall??" I'd find myself ducking their calls or neglecting to invite them out. Fortunately, this was a very small group of people; but still.. how many does it take for it to be TOO many? And then there was the more... unhealthy? ... insecurities Facebook unearths for many. I found I wasn't immune to those, either. February of last year, I was dating what I thought was a very nice guy. He'd asked for our relationship status to change to be 'Facebook official' (5) - to which I declined, laughing as my 'ultimate' single/divorced status hadn't changed and I thought it'd be confusing for my kids. A few weeks later, I noticed he was untagging himself from our photos - I've always been big on photo documentation of events - and shortly after that, I realized he'd stopped interacting on my page entirely. Oops. I thought he was crazy at the time; but I have to admit when the shoe was on the other foot? It made me darn near paranoid.. and that was something that was hard to admit to.
Who on earth ties their value to someone else based on FACEBOOK?? Oh, and let me not fail to mention the massive argument that cropped up as a result of the 'fashion album' I have on Facebook with my children's father about whether or not his child support was going to fund my shoe stores. (6)

I didn't realize I had allowed social networking to actually play a part in causing damage to some of my closest personal relationships; but once I did? It was something I could no longer ignore.

So I did some digging... As it turns out? That's something else I wasn't alone on, either. As of January 2011, 40% of Facebook Users have reported that the social networking site had negatively impacted relationships in their life. Their "relationship status updates" seem to be a popular instigator - as FB kindly heralds the news of your changing status as quickly as you click 'save.' This wreaked havoc on one couple whose relationship ended on FB due to a glitch of all things. Petty arguments took place over who forgot to take out the trash and well... you get the idea. It's not been all kittens and roses for the FB community... and I had found myself among the walking wounded. I had to do something... but what? I started by 'band-aiding' the situation; I'd hide offenders from my news feeds and gave people freedom to hide mine without restraint nor condemnation. I've never been a massive 'stalker;' so, that helped. But, that didn't really fix the problem, did it? The underlying aggravation was still there.

After a little bit of thought and self-realization? The solution was clear... if the damage came from putting the relationship 'online;' the healing came from taking it back 'offline.' My dating relationship(s) didn't need to happen online - it's not like I went on virtual dates... so, why spend my days virtually interacting?? I don't (7) - and won't from now on. In the future, it's quite possible I won't even BE connected to the guy I share my time with. I didn't ask for 'friend approval' when I decided to go out with someone - so why does my relationship status need to be broadcast, exactly? Because FB says so?? I don't think so. I really think my original decision to "change my status when I need to explain a new name" was the right one. At least for me. My girl friends and I (For the most part) don't get together via webcast; so, why not call them instead of posting on their walls? Ladies, start expecting a text or a call. When I want to talk to my Mom, I certainly don't post "Call Me, Chicka!" So, why do that with candidates, clients, and/or Friends?? So, what does this mean? Am I going to deactivate my profile?? Nope. Does that mean you'll see a little less of me? Probably. I'm feeling a little socially strangled; and I'm pretty sure that I've been strangling others, too. So, I'm opting to add some oxygen back into the room and attend to both my sanity & relationships. In 3-D; where the only smiley-faces? Are attached to people.


(1) I will admit to having kicked this game's butt when I was highly medicated after surgeries (can't remember which one). It's dumb, but darn right - my farm was SO better than yours. Just sayin'
(2) read= lamely The official psychological term, from what I've discovered, is 'HYPER-USER' and I think that's probably more accurate.
(3) Once you've had to admit that you've broken your ankle simply walking down a level driveway, your toe on a laptop, and a Dr's note to excuse you from dating? Seriously, what's left to get embarrassed over?
(4) Just kidding, J - I actually liked that status update. :p
(5) Since when did Facebook become the authority on relationships?
(6) Which, of course, it wasn't. Not even close.
(7) go on virtual dates, that is

Love is in the Air...

Why? Because it's Valentine's Day weekend, of course. Not going to lie, I'm somewhat 'out' on Valentine's Day... the damage potential ranks right up there with the Christmas Holiday season and D-day (1). It's just not my thing; a lot of massively unrealistic expectations seem to be pent up in this holiday. I think I read somewhere it's a "Romance Death Trap" - I completely agree for the following reasons:

1. Firstly, it's forced. If it wasn't 2/14, would whatever's being done for you still be happening?? If the answer's "No" - then it kind of loses meaning (to me). I'm more excited about the person that pays attention and does thoughtful things for you the other 362 days a year.(2)




2. This is yet another holiday where if you don't have really honest, good communication in your relationship? You're likely to be headed for a major let-down due to differences in your expectations. He's thinking "dinner & a movie"... She's thinking "romantic mini-break." She's thinking "I really liked that diamond toe-ring" and he's planning on getting those pajama jeans, thinking he's a genius since he's heard so many complaints about how snug her's have been lately. BAD situation.




3. It's a total chick holiday. How many guys do you know are super jazzed about Valentine's Day? It just doesn't seem to be a fave of many men... in fact, I've only known one and he? Was not straight. Which is fine, but let's face it... this holiday is NOT guy-centric or remotely balanced. What do you see touted? Jewelry, Chocolate, Flowers... chick stuff. A long time ago, I heard that Valentine's Day was the prepayment for "Steak & A BJ" Day, which is on March 13. And NO, I'm not making that up... google it and thank some disc jockey for that one... but it's real and they have websites dedicated to it!



So anyway, call me 'The Grinch' of the season if you must; I'm ok with that. That being said, I don't begrudge those who really get into it their fun. What I'm NOT ok with is sites like this: Thoughtful.Co



This site? Screams 'Gold Digger' to me. Why??

1) Their target advertising demographic is actually WOMEN, not men... expecting they'll pass it on to their guys.
2) You have to be APPROVED for membership; which I was, when I checked it out for research. Inside, it is flaunting $350 "gourmet" dinners at home and $1000+ flower arrangements for a year (3). That? Just seems excessive. I get that it's meant to help those "poor unfortunate guys" who just don't have a clue as to what to do for their partners and are bad at those 'last-minute gifts'... but, still?
3) There was nothing that has shown up on their site that was less than several hundred dollars $$$$$$.... but, nothing that was WORTH even half of what was being charged. Not.Classy.

Whatever happened to the thoughtfelt card or movie & popcorn?? Even one of my favorite chick-blogs recommended leaving one of their blog submissions up to "help your guy buy you the right gift or flower arrangement this Valentine's Day." See, if I have to HELP my guy get me a gift that I'll actually appreciate? Then, to me? It seems like it's missing the point and maybe I need to spend some time meditating on the true meaning of gratitude.

Which leads me to wonder what this holiday is really all about. When I polled my friends, there seemed to be two distinct camps; those who felt like it was what we jokingly refer to as a "Hallmark Holiday" centered on commercialism (4) and those who felt like it was a day centered around showing that extra boost of thoughtfulness/romanticism for those you love. And in a brief, non-cynical moment?? I DO enjoy Valentine's Day stuff with my girls... but, they're pretty easy: they're happy with about $10 worth of candy, a fun movie with Mom @ home and a cute card. Still, can't help but wonder if I'm setting the stage for future boyfriends to gripe one day about their expectations... because, after all: "If my MOM can remember to do stuff for Valentine's for me... why can't YOU??"

So, to my Daughters' future boyfriends?? I Apologize.





(1)Yes, I'm referring to WWII
(2)362 Because it's somewhat a given you'll get that attention on your birthday, anniversary, and Christmas.
(3)I put "gourmet" in quotes because anything that has something that looks like Kraft Macaroni & Cheese doesn't seem really all that gourmet to me. Although, my guy? Really digs good mac 'n' cheese so... to each their own.
(4)Totally my camp, by the way. There is nearly $15 BILLION dollars spent annually on Valentine's Day; over 250 MILLION cards are sent annually... but at least 10 Million will be 'green' and sent in e-cards.

I Said MISC, Not Milf!

I had a bunch of random stuff that I wanted to address, but I don't think any one concept is long enough to address in a blog... so, welcome to my miscellaneous blog!

First thing I want to hit on is the term MILF. I was actually 'hit on' with this term earlier this week. Maybe I'm a little misguided, but this does not seem like a compliment to me. In fact, I can't help but have a little bit of an 'ewww' factor when I hear that term; most especially when it's slung my direction. Why? Because I -AM- a Mom. Maybe it's just me, but it flirts with a pedophilic feeling when used by someone no longer in high school, talking about their buddies' Moms. The guy that used it with me? A surgeon. Who's 41 years old - definitely NOT still in high school. First time he said it, I tried gracefully avoiding it after shuddering a little inside. Second time he said it? I asked him why he thought that was complimentary (in true Crystal style) - his answer? "You know, because most Moms are frumpy - and you are definitely not frumpy."

Ha.haha.hahaha - I'm probably frumpier than my personna lets on; but, still - I don't think most Moms are frumpy, either. In fact, some of the out-and-out most 'out there' personalities I know belong to Moms. We're not just June Cleaver anymore; we're Executives, we're part of the X and Y generations - we love Shoes, great make-up, and good times. We WANT to enjoy all of our life; not just one facet of it. So, no, we really don't look all that frumpy (not that I mind the pearls look, either); but I still don't want to sleep with someone that's looking at me though the 'Mom filter' unless it happens to be the Father of my children. And since we divorced 5 years ago, that ship has sailed and sank, too!

Picking up from the text messaging blog a few back; I really DON'T like texting. I have learned this about myself - I mean, I knew it wasn't one of my favorite things - but, I have learned that I will not, am not, going to be put in a position where it's my primary vehicle for communication with anyone. Especially not a guy. It's a lame-duck way of having a conversation. Besides, there's something very intruiging about a man that can captivate my attention with a well-worded, well thought-out conversation. So, that might become something that gets thrown on my 'warning flare' lists for guys that I am talking to or dating. Texts? Are fun, flirty and absolutely ok when you can't talk on the phone. Or need directions, or to inform someone you're running late. Outside of that, I don't think they have any place with me.

So, I think maybe playing darts might become one of my typical 'get-to-know-a-guy' routine. I mean, it's fun to do with friends, too - but there are definitely things that you can reveal about a guy when you're playing darts. Especially when you're a bad dart thrower like I am. :) I've done this with a couple of guys now and really, it's interesting to see the differences in behavior. With one guy, he was very gentlemanly picking up the darts that landed on the floor (and above the dartboard, and in the chalkboard, etc). The other? Laughed as I went and got them. Not a big deal (had you seen my throws, you'd have laughed, too), and certainly not something I'd stop seeing anyone over; but the guy that went and got them for me definitely got bonus points. One guy was competitive with me, while the other might have taken a little pitty on me and helped me position and aim. Can you say yummy close-up moment?? My throw still blew, but his cologne smelled fantastic! LOL

Anyway, I think it's a good activity that can reveal gentlemanly behaviors and can allow for some easy comparisons. But, here's the thing: does it set up a wierd sense of deja vu (or something like that) if you do? I mean, you want to be fully present in whatever activity you're engaging in, including dating. So, if you're doing the same thing (or perhaps worse yet, at the same place) with one persona as you did with another... can you really BE fully present?

That's enough for now - I'm working on something else that I might put up later; but, for now, it's Saturday Morning baby! I'm off to workout, get my nails done, hair cut - good times! Must look cute tonight. ;) Oh, should be testing out a set of golf clubs today, too - driving ranges everywhere, beware!

Sunday Morning, Rain is Falling...

Great song. And Bonus! Actually applicable to the day. Had a really easy morning with some quiet time for myself; something I don't have a lot of lately and should probably schedule more of. Made myself a mammoth "nice to do" list of 17 items and knocked out 14 of them, no sweat. :) Relaxed and accomplished? I can deal w/ that.

One of the things on my 'to-do' list was to make my meal schedule for the week. I can't tell you how much I enjoy this silly, simple activity. Love, Love, LOVE cooking! During the winter, I really like to lean on my slow-cooker but I hadn't been able to find it. I have a theory that Bev (1) probably snagged my slow cooker when she finally left and I'm just now realizing it because I'm over the "make a 3-course meal every time we eat" phase. Not sure, though - but fortunately, Chris let me borrow his slow-cooker so I'm back in business until I either locate mine or break down and buy a new one.

Slow cooking? Rocks. Throw it all in during the AM hours, set it to low and move on with life. I've got some great recipes that I love making in the slow-cooker; so, I'm sharing them with you as I go along each week via FB. :) The chili one from last week?? TOTALLY gotta try; it's yuuuuuumy!

Switched rooms with Lindsey this past week... that? Has been an adventure and is absolutely going to be it's own blog sometime this week. :P Ok, back to work - have to search for candidates. Finally getting into the swing of my new job; I'm really enjoying it!

(1) a friend that was "staying" with me (read: leeching off me for most of the time) and prima-donnaville way too quick for way too long with a penchant for making it sound like she was doing ME a favor while costing me significant $ and damaging things as she left. I never would have done well with roommates, but at least they pay an equitable share of the cost!

It's A New Year and It's. On. You.

Happy New Year, folks!! We're at the dawn of a new decade and it seems to me like there's no better time than RIGHT NOW to spend time on one of my favorite topics to muse (read: rant) about: personal accountability. I spend a fair amount of time talking with people both personally and professionally on this subject. But, for some reason? I've yet to blog on it. Correcting that now. ;)

My former boss and CEO of Kaye/Bassman, Jeff Kaye, said something to me years ago during my interview that's stuck with me: "We either believe we are the uncontested author of our destiny and we act on it... or, through our inaction we show we don't." (1) I've applied this in many different areas & ways in my life over the years -but what I mainly took from it is that I have a much larger 'control' over my life than what I often want to give myself credit for. And so do you. If something's off in my life, be it personal or professional, I'm really the first person I should be looking to for change.

As a recruiter, one of the occupational hazards I have is hearing people just whine about how awful their jobs are; usually for one of the following reasons:

1. Workload is Off-Whack
2. No discernable career path (lack of promotions)
3. No Work-Life Balance
4. Poor Treatment from Boss or Co-Workers
5. Not enough Money

There's always a good story that goes with it; and a 'good reason' for the discontent. But you know what I never hear? Anything that's been done to try to change it. Every once in awhile, someone will tell me about how they've vented to their boss or told off a coworker... but, nothing really beyond that. And then they'll go off and get a different job; and in a couple of years? They are back in the same spot... discontented. The only thing that changed was where their paycheck came from. And they're befuddled... I'm not. They're not taking any accountability for their part in creating their environment.





The first thing any of us should do when discontent with a situation in our lives is to gamefilm it and see how we got to where we are. What hand did we play in our current situation? 8 times out of 10? It's big. We'll take on too much in an effort to please; and then resent our bosses/companies for not being clairvoyant & seeing we've lost our personal lives. When what we should be doing is setting healthy boundaries regarding our workloads/hours, communicating those boundaries respectfully (2) and reasonably sticking to them. Your boss? Has a personal life, too - he/she gets it... but, is tasked with getting more done than they often have the resources for and so will lay it on as much as we'll let them.

Same thing goes for our personal relationships - if you're not being treated well? You get a free pass on that once.. maybe twice. After that? You've got to accept accountability to the situation because you ALLOW(ed) yourself to be treated that way by staying in the situation or not demanding change. If your partner is inconsiderate, don't just tell them "you're selfish" - that won't fix anything. And just treating them the way you want to be treated? Likely won't work either; a by-product of self-absorption is that they don't see what you're doing. Help them - it helps you, too! Create a gameplan for change by setting expectations and even scheduling events that cause them to focus on you. Yes, it takes the spontenaity out of it at first; but you're helping establish a habit and redrawing the circumstances you're in. After a couple of months? Your partner will either pick up on it on their own or you might find it's time to find a new partner. But, either way, you took accountability for the fact that you probably knew they were this way, to some degree, at the onset (3) and so had some hand in your relationship environment.




It's easier, and initially feels better, to think we're not responsible for our lots in life. That things 'just happen' the way they do - but, it's delusional thinking. We really have a lot of influence in our relationships & environments... and the fact that we can do things to 'author' the book of life that we want? Seems like something to be grateful for in this new year!

(1) Ok, this might be paraphrased - but it WAS 2004 when we had this conversation
(2) RESPECTFULLY is the key word here; you get no points if you yell at your boss about how he/she is sucking out your soul for the company store. It'll be a funny story to tell at the bar; but will likely land you in the unemployment line.
(3) There are always signs

NaNoWriMo

I have to admit? I'm pretty excited about this year's NaNoWriMo. Why? I've been preparing for it for over a year. That's right - the background work on this year's novel started in 2009, thank you very much. Hopefully, that'll equate to a pretty good novel; but, we'll see. It will be nice to be able to get the 3 composition books full of notes into one coherent story. :p



For anyone who doesn't know (and I'm guessing that's going to be the overwhelming majority because it's not widely publicised), NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. For the last several years, I've participated. Some years, I hit the 50k words in a month; some years? Not so much. But every year I have a blast. If you like to write or blog and you haven't checked it out? You should; it's not too late to catch up. If you want to follow my progress this month; then you can check out my page... if you're participating, buddy me! :p I'm in the process of putting the associated blog posts that accompany the different chapters on Wordpress... I'll likely post that link shortly. Let the writing abandon flourish!

(For all of you who don't like chick lit; I'm actually continuing this project in December with a book on job-hunting and interviewing tips for candidates - but, NaNoWriMo is really about fiction; so, staying true to the intent for November.)